ikarit: (barney&ted/ hot outside)
( Jun. 5th, 2010 02:48 pm)
So, I have been on a quest to lose 30 pounds for two months (nine weeks) now, and while there's been a little cheating here and there, I've kept up with it. For the first six weeks, it was a diet change only. Then three weeks ago, it warmed up enough for me to start my summer walking schedule every day. I walk most of the time, but I add in a little jogging at the end.

I've lost 17 pounds so far )

The best part is I feel fantastic. I never realized how all that sugar and fat hurts you. I have more energy, I'm more awake even though I ditched my daily Starbucks, and after exercising, I feel like bouncing all over the house. I always felt better after exercising, but it was more an exhausted type of better rather than an energized type of better. In fact, I was usually twice as lazy after exercising, just because I was so tired. Now, I can work out, and then an hour later I'll want to do it all over again!

Reaching my goal isn't quite as important as it was when I started because right now the benefits are my pride that I can actually do this, and the healthy feeling I get while I am. Not to mention, at this point, I don't really doubt that I will reach my goal, and that I can reach it with time to spare.
ikarit: (Default)
( May. 23rd, 2010 10:25 pm)
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: http://www.ynet.co.il/PicServer2/24012010/2570239/STO07_g.jpg
it's kinda brilliant.
[livejournal.com profile] karit ...wah?
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: but upsetting.
the photograph!
[livejournal.com profile] karit Is that... I get what it is.
But I'm trying to figure out exactly what they're protestingg?
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: protest in Slovakia.
[livejournal.com profile] karit ...OH.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: gay parade
[livejournal.com profile] karit I GET IT.
...ew, dudes. Seriously?
Stick figures?
That is hilarious, yet so... enraging. Hilarious because they are clearly MORONS.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: would crack me up.
if it wasn't upsetting.
[livejournal.com profile] karit But enraging because they are also clearly ASSHOLES.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: I'm just gaping at it.
[livejournal.com profile] karit Who deserve a PUNCH in the FACE.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: yep.
but . . . dude.
stick figures.
[livejournal.com profile] karit I thought the bottom half was like a trash can or something, and there was a ledge.
Then it was like, "no, that's definitely his legs... what are they protesting? OH THAT'S A PEEN"
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: okay
cracking up now.
[livejournal.com profile] karit I know.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: ::cracks up::
[livejournal.com profile] karit I totally understand.
I embarrass myself.
Yet also, have to laugh at myself.
[livejournal.com profile] naatz: XDDDDDDDD

I told her I was going to post it, and she said please do, because if I didn't, then she would. Before we got onto this topic, there was much more idiocy from me on the Supernatural finale. She is my favorite person to talk to. <3
I feel it's very, very important to put this out there, as someone born and raised in Lima, Ohio.

The crack houses are actually on the SOUTH side.

I love that show. ♥
ikarit: (sulu/ being awesome)
( May. 2nd, 2010 09:26 pm)
And after being stressed as all get out the past three weeks, suddenly everything is in the past and I feel like I can breathe again!

The trip to South Carolina went well, and I actually helped out quite a bit. I was worried that with three men plus my mother directing, I'd just get in the way, but that was not what happened at all. My youngest brother got strep throat, so he couldn't really help out much at all, the other brother was helping my mom pack everything in boxes, so it was up to me and my father to do all the heavy lifting.

Literally! I don't know why my brother needs a 70 gallon fish tank, but I can tell you that it is not fun to move that thing.

Then on Friday, it was my mom's surprise party for her fiftieth birthday, and we threw her a surprise party. We were all a little worried she'd be mad at us, but after some initial unhappiness, she had a blast. Yay!

Those two things, plus helping with the Relay for Life garage sale made for a hectic couple weeks. This week we're having a barbeque pork chop dinner, but I'm just cheap (free) labor for that, so I'm not really stressed about it.

And then, just because I'm not stressed and it needed done, I completely tore apart my room today and organized everything. It was an embarrassing wreck, but it always takes me a while to get around to doing anything about it. Still, it's like I was so used to having a million things to do that I have to keep doing things or else I just feel wrong! I'm not done organizing, so tomorrow will be finishing up, plus shopping plus laundry! Yay for having a day off work!
It would figure that I'd decide to start updating on the day before my paid account is set to expire. Typical me.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting. I think this week is so exhausting for me that writing all out helps me keep everything straight.

Today was... long. And now I have blisters. Why, why, why didn't I change out of my heels before I ran all my errands. And did my chores. And walked all over the mall. Whyyyyyy?

My brother is moving. )

So with a just a few days to spare, we have to pack for a trip, buy furnishings for an apartment, and oh, on top of that?

Next week is my mother's 50th birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise birthday party. Guess who has tons of things to get done THIS WEEK to get ready for it? Me, that's who, with only tomorrow evening to get them done. Plus pack, plus fit in other odds and ends, plus make sure the dog is taken care of (which is an ordeal beyond imagining--there is a page with full paragraphs on how to feed her, whyyyyy is she so old?), plus RIP OUT ALL MY HAIR AND CRY.

Not to mention that I'm still involved with my company Relay For Life committee and this weekend is our huge garage sale filled entirely with donated items because we have an amazing bunch of employees, and I am basically abandoning a really good friend to do it almost entirely by herself at the very last minute and I feel horrible about it. So of course I'm trying to fit in an hour every day to help her organize and label everything. I hate leaving at the end of that hour, because there's piles and piles of things that still has to be done, and I honestly do not have even another half hour to give her.

Can I curl up into a ball and sleep now?
ikarit: (sulu/ being awesome)
( Apr. 20th, 2010 12:01 am)
I am an eternal procrastinator. I also sort of plan things out in my head in great detail and then I feel so much satisfaction from my plan that actually following through feels like it just wouldn't live up to my expectations. Like, for example, posting on my livejournal.

I can make really detailed excuses, too.

here's my life now )

And that's about half my life right now. Work and the diet!

This weekend, I'm going to South Carolina to do manual labor (ahahaha, my life's joy, a 13 hour drive to lift things for one day and then drive another 13 hours home, idek--more on that later?), so let's see if I can post again next week. This week? I have a list of things I have to do every day, and I don't think there's enough time to fit it all in. It's gonna be fun!
So I promised [livejournal.com profile] naatz a couple weeks ago that I would post something to my livejournal. There were accusations and dramatic statements ("If not for Delicious, I would've thought you were DEAD!"), and I was very intimidated. She refused to accept perfectly valid excuses ("I have nothing to post about! Follow me on Twitter or Facebook, I post there all the time!") and as usual with her, pushed me around until she got me to agree with her. (SO TRUE, I AM SO BULLIED.)

So Netta, I have posted! And am clearly not dead. ♥

Truthfully, it's not that I've been completely busy, although I have been a bit busier than usual. I'm still working at the credit union, still liking it quite a lot. Best part is that I like the job, I like my coworkers, and I like my boss. It's like the trifecta of a perfect job. I won't say it's what I want to do forever, but until I get a degree and find my dream job, it is definitely satisfactory!

Some parts of work have been a bit crazy, though. A couple months ago, I volunteered to be on the Relay For Life committee for our company and we're in the middle of planning and selling tickets for a chicken barbecue dinner. I'm the only one on the committee actually at the branch handling all the orders, so I'm kind of the go-to girl for everything as well as trying to keep things organized and hassle-free. I'm definitely not usually committee girl or volunteer girl even if I think it's a fantastic cause, but... well, it's a fantastic cause. We're going to have projects going on all year round, so hopefully we can keep up the momentum we've got going.

Other than that, hm. I had an epiphany the other day. I am a complete clothes horse. I don't know how it happened! I have a bunch of hoodies folded neatly on my floor because I have nowhere else to put them, and I am baffled as to where all these clothes came from. I keep telling people it's because I have my work clothes and then my casual, non-work clothes but since I usually don't bother to change when I come home from work, and I work five days a week, my mother is incredibly skeptical. She believes I need to get rid of about half of them, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I wear all of them! Well, most of them. At least half of them! And I spent money on all of them! I might wear them again someday! You never know when you might buy something that matches perfectly with something you bought three years ago but never wore because you didn't have anything to go with it.

...that happens a lot, actually. Hmm. Does anyone else buy something that you can't wear because you don't have anything to go with it because you think something at some point will go with it, and it'll be really cute? Anyone? I'm constantly grabbing things off clearance racks for that exact reason--if it's $4, why not buy it and then find something to go with it later?

That can't be just me.

It makes me kind of nostalgic. If I had been this obsessed with clothes back when I was in high school, I would've been a lot more popular. Oh, well!
It occurs to me that telling myself every day that it might be nice to update livejournal is in fact not all that productive. Such is the way of me.

This month, I'm going to blame it on Star Trek, which has eaten my brain. Oh my god, I love that movie. I've seen it three times, once with my mother and twice by myself. I keep telling myself three times is enough, but the last time I went, they gave me a free movie ticket. I kind of feel like using it to see something other than Star Trek would be an affront to all things good and geeky.

And just to make me love the movie even more, in dragging my mom to see it, I found out that she actually watched the original series on television. I came close to crying. I knew I had to get my love of sci-fi tv shows and movies somewhere, but prior to then, it had remained a mystery. It totally made up for the fact that she still doesn't understand the storyline of the movie and I have explained it to her five times.

I decided to stop while I was ahead and not tell her that I ship Kirk/Spock.

Although, as a girl who watched Star Wars every day for an entire summer (usually more than once a day), should I should feel like I'm betraying something? Because I really, really don't.

And anyone looking for good Star Trek fics can check out my delicious bookmarks. I have gone from 2 Star Trek fics (both bookmarked at the time because they were crossovers with other series I'm a fan of) to 124 bookmarks in two and a half weeks. It's a new record for me!

ETA: Oh, I forgot! I have a dreamwidth account now. Username is ikarit, feel free to add me if you like. Not really using it for anything right now except as a backup.

I also have two invites. Just comment if you'd like one.
Still liking my job. Last week, I overheard my new boss call me "awesome." It was a great feeling.

The full-time position at the branch closer to my house opened up for applications on Friday. I decided, after thinking it over this past weekend, that I'm not going to apply. Not only is it not likely that I'd get it because it was posted earlier than I thought it'd be, but even if it's full-time rather than part-time, it's not as good in the long run. It's only a receptionist position. Where I am now is technically a receptionist position, but I have more responsibilities and a higher chance of promotion later on.

Plus, my boss told me that she would not be at all surprised if it's a full-time position by the end of the summer. No guarantees, but that's okay. I keep saying that I want to take some business classes. If it's not full-time later, then I'll actually have the time to start taking them and no excuses not to. We'll see.

There is a very definite downside, though. If I'm not full-time soon, it will be quite a while before I can move out unless I find a roommate (unlikely). Ah, well. As my mom keeps telling me, it's better to stay home now and save.
I started a new job this week. It's still at the same credit union, but instead of being a teller, I'm a receptionist/new accounts support. Generally, the receptionists do not really do very many new accounts, since loan officers handle those, but the job is at a very small branch where there is one full-time loan officer, and one loan officer that is only there a couple days a week.

It's not so much a step up as it is a step sideways. Perhaps a bit up, but the pay is the same. I'll be getting about two or three more hours a week on average, but that was luck. When I applied, I was told it would be almost ten hours less than I was getting, but it was what I really wanted to do, and a good opportunity to get my foot in the door on that aspect. I was actually the only one who applied for the job. Not sure if it's because it's in a really out-of-the-way office or because it was advertised as only three days a week.

I'm also putting my hopes on something else... I already know a full-time receptionist position is opening up this summer. I know that every part-time teller is going to be applying for it in hopes of getting a full-time spot, but since I am the most recently hired employee who would be vying for the job, there was almost no chance I'd get it. I don't have the experience that every other single person working at the credit union has. Working as a part-time receptionist, though, gives me an edge. So I'm hoping for that!

I was completely terrified over the weekend, worried (as usual), I'd made a mistake in applying. I really loved the people I was working with before, and basically I'd just settled in there. But it's going well. It's a lot easier than teller training was, which is a surprise. I made it halfway through the first week of teller training before I came home and cried hysterically to my mother. Compared to that, this is wonderful.

It's... good. Certainly difficult, since I have to learn about CD rates and loan rates and mortgage information. I already know the basics, but nowhere near enough to be able to answer the in-depth questions I need to be able to explain in detail. But I'm learning fairly quickly, and I'll learn the rest! I need to start going to sleep a bit earlier when I'm in training though. I'm working 9 to 5 this week and next, and going to bed at my regular time of 12:30 is killing me.

Also, I joined Twitter earlier in the week. You can find me as ikarit. I will slowly be adding as many of you as I can!
I am still a little bit worked up, and my mind just keeps jumping around like I swallowed a bunch of caffeine pills. I don't really think I'm making that much sense.

Today was a boring day at work that ended with a shock. I know I haven't posted in a while, so, in case anyone (probably everyone) forgot, I'm working at a local credit union now as a teller. Started at the branch two minutes away from my house and I worked there for eight months, and then a month ago, they transferred me. They gave me two choices about where I would go, but it still sucked.

And then today. Am so, so glad I had the choice about which branch to transfer to, because the branch I didn't choose? Got robbed this afternoon.

I freaked out a little from the robbery, and then it occurred to me that I might have been there, and freaked out some more. Of course everyone is incredibly upset.

This is the fourth or fifth robbery locally just within the past few months, but it's the first one at any of our branches and I guess I just had a mentality where I thought it wouldn't actually happen to us. Rather silly, especially because there was an incident with a gun in another one of our branches a couple months ago.

It turned out to be a BB gun and not a real one, but still scary. Incredibly scary for me, because my mom also works at the same credit union as a teller, and that happened at her branch. I was incredibly proud of her at the time, because she was the teller who kept calm while a man waved around what everyone thought was a gun and called the cops.

I'm not too incredibly worried for myself, because my branch is, for a bunch of reasons, an unlikely target. But Mom's branch is probably the next obvious target after the branch that got robbed today, and I think the thought of Mom getting robbed is about five times more terrifying than if it were me.

Not the best ending to a day ever.
I haven't been able to stop laughing since yesterday. I've been planning to have my hair highlighted since this past summer, and I finally made an appointment last month. I was so excited. It's been so long since I've had it done that I even sprung for the most expensive, classy hair salon in town.

Yesterday was the day of destiny, and as has been the plan, I asked for blonde and light red hightlights. Strawberry blonde, I said.

It came out light blonde and orange. Bright, burnt orange.

For about five seconds, I was speechless, and then I couldn't stop grinning. I have no idea why, but I adore it. I love it to pieces. I look in the mirror and laugh and grin.

Orange, really? But it's true. My hair has very obvious orange stripes, and I think it's adorable. Very punky, but adorable. And it doesn't help that I also got it cut in a very distinctive style that I adore even more than I do the color! Plus, for someone who is absolutely hopeless at styling hair, I can actually style it and it looks perfect, and it takes like ten minutes from start to finish. Super easy!

I will attempt pictures, but so far it just isn't showing properly on camera. Looks like a pretty normal dark brown in photographs. I will have to work on that.

In other news, I have become obsessed with jdramas. So far, love love love Hana-Kimi, Hana Yori Dango and am partway through Nodame Cantabile which is bizarre but cute. Am midway through downloading the first three episodes of Gokusen. I want to look into a few kdramas. I watched the first few episodes of Coffee Prince a while back, and I want to finish that, then try to find a few more.

Plus, of course, thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I am still upset about Ginger, but more upbeat now. I think denying that it was happening and then having a bunch of things happen that made it impossible to ignore she wasn't going to be around forever kind of made me panic. But she's all right for now. Healthy, and still my darling dog. I am learning to relax and just love her each and every day without worry, simply being grateful that we have her.
After quite a long time pretending the inevitable was never going to happen, reality's been kicking in hard for me the past few months. My dog, Ginger, is getting old. This past September, she turned fourteen, and the only difference between ages fourteen, ten and five were that when she was younger, she slept less. But she still had so much energy, so much speed and bounce and strength

But in the past two or three months, it seems like she's slowing down more and more each day. Sleeps longer, is harder to wake up. She's having little accidents on the floor every day. Mom has to wash her bed every day because she has accidents while she's sleeping. She's so, so slow, and mostly blind and incredibly hard of hearing. It's hard for her to jump up on anything or anyone. And I just--god.

Every single day, I pick her up and cuddle her and I can't help thinking--every time--this could be the last time I hold her. And I honestly have no idea how I could be okay in a world where she isn't there to hold. To bounce around and drive me nuts and beg for treats and hog my bed like it's her bed and just be so lovable it hurts.

I don't know how much longer we have with her. Maybe days. Maybe much longer. Please, longer. Months and months longer.

And now I'm really making myself bawl, because just those lines--I am hoping for months with her. I am measuring the time we have left with her in months. I can't even dare to hope for one more year. How can it be at the point where I think months is stretching it?

I've never lost a pet before. We are so lucky we've had her for so long, and yet, no matter how long, it's not going to be long enough. If we have to lose her, losing her like this, slowly, still having her bounce around and driving us bonkers every day--less and less time each day, but still every single day--then we're so much luckier than others. So much.

How does anyone imagine a world without the animals they love? How am I supposed to do it? Maybe I shouldn't try, because the only use that would be is in preparation for losing her, and I don't think there's anything in the universe that would prepare me for that.
I think this is the first time in my entire life I've been glad to live in Ohio.

After obsessively watching the election campaigning for the last month, I screamed when Ohio was called for Obama.

And at 11pm, I screamed again. And then I cried.

Never been so proud to be an American.
I love my brother. I love my brother. It's like a mantra. I really, really do. He just drives me nuts about 80% of the time. Teenagers couldn't have been this brain-explodingly frustrating when I was one, right?

(At this moment, my mother has to be feeling the urge to hit me and having no clue why...)

Phone's ringing, and I can't figure out why no one's answering it. I grab it, look at caller id, it's a university that's been calling for Jim when he hasn't been around to take their calls. I knew he didn't want to talk to them, but they still have to be told that, or they'll keep calling. Duh.

So I answered it.

Me: Hello?
Young Girl Recruiter: Hi, I'm calling from *** University? Could I please speak with Jimmy?
Me: Sure! I'll go get him!

*walks across house*

Me: Hey, Jim, phone. *holds out phone, mouthpiece facing him*
Jim: *glares* I'M NOT HOME.
Me: But--
Jim: *shouts angrily* I'M NOT HOME!

Um. Um.

Me: *mortified, puts phone back up to ear*
Me: ...
Me: ...he's not home.
Young Girl Recruiter: *is already laughing*

So then naturally I couldn't help but start laughing too, and the conversation was concluded between gasps for air.

Just another example of what happens when your parents and older sister spoil you mercilessly. I have only myself--and okay, my parents--to blame.
Ha! From [livejournal.com profile] houses7177. I had to do it. It combines two of my favorite things: subtly dissing Republicans and naming things!

Come up with five names that meet the following criteria:
1. Sports name
2. Nearby area, possibly nostalgic, but not where you're from
3. Nearby place, no necessary association
4. "Cool" name
5. Mythological name

Referencing the Original--
From Wikipedia: [Sarah Palin] married her high school boyfriend, Todd Palin, on August 29, 1988... The Palins have two sons (Track, 19, and Trig, four months) and three daughters (Bristol, 17; Willow, 14; and Piper, 7)... Todd Palin has said Track's name came from the interest Sarah's parents had in the sport and the fact that he was born in the sport's season; Bristol was named after Bristol Bay in Alaska, where Todd grew up and where he does commercial fishing; Willow was named after Willow, Alaska; Piper got her name because it is uncommon and "a cool name"; Trig's name is Norse for "strength".

1. Arrow (because I am still excited that I hit things on Sunday.)
2. Kendrick (for Kendrick's Woods, a park out in the country near my house.)
3. Cairo (a nearby small town whose name rhymes with 'tarot'.)
4. Dream (because I am really sleepy right now)
5. Persephone (from the Greek goddess of fertility, spring and Queen of the Underworld.)

Hardest one was the "cool" name. Oh, stupid names, how I love you!
I have stopped whining now. Mostly. The sunburn's too painful not to whine at least a little, especially because it seriously amuses my entire family. And it's not like I would've found out Obama was in town while he was still in town, so I wouldn't have gotten to see him anyway! Plus Ren Fest was just so fun I can't help but be cheery about the whole thing.

It's a two hour drive, which was really nice because I like driving and L hates driving so it always works out. I really, really love long drives. I think at least a little bit of the anticipation for going was the drive, and the fact that I'd be the one driving.

We got there just as it opened at 10, and spent almost the whole day there. It was really, really big. I was surprised. I knew it was big, so I don't know why. It was very nice. I loved the shopping, and the shows were fun. L didn't want to play any games, but I wanted to try the bow and arrow. I never hit the target, but I always hit something. I consider that a resounding success! My arm was killing me by the last arrow.

And I've got a few pictures of the day! Whee! )

We left an hour before it closed because L had worn boots so her dress wouldn't drag on the ground. I wasn't really surprised that about two hours into the day, her feet started to hurt. At around 4:30, though, she was done. It took us about a half hour to get from where we were to the exit. She was just so slow because her feet hurt so bad. On the drive home, she took and look and there were four blisters already. Ouch! They were not pretty.

It was fun. It was really fun. I can't believe I have never been to one before! I am definitely going again next year.
ikarit: (daniel/ overwhelmed)


( Aug. 31st, 2008 11:05 pm)

Barack Obama was in my hometown today and I was at the Renaissance Festival?

At the Renaissance Festival.

(Am now look like lobster.)

Why couldn't this have happened any other day? Any other?!

It was a fun day. A super fun day. I loved it. Fun, fun, fun.

It lasts months. I could've gone tomorrow! Augh! AUGH!

Also, might then not now look like lobster. Mom is vindicated. Has given panicked orders for sunscreen my whole life. Forget it one day and look what happens. LOBSTER.

Am lobster, in pain, L ended up with four blisters on her feet--WHY?!

Renaissance Festival > Sunburn + Blisters. L and I agree totally.

Renaissance Festival > Barack Obama? I... I... have to think about this. RenFest lasts MONTHS. MONTHS. AUGH.

Maybe I'll hold off posting again until I'm more rational, can accomplish complete sentences and... not in agonizing pain. I need more aloe vera.
It starts out fun. Someone's celebrating the anniversary of the day they were born, and then the next thing you know, you've eaten six pieces of pizza and four heavily frosted cupcakes.

I can't help it. If there's chocolate, it's like a compulsion, I can't just leave it sitting there!

Can I please throw up now?
I think the most satisfying part of work is that I can be my own little whirlwind of activity, with cars lined up in the drive-thru, counting money, bundling money, juggling deposits and withdrawals, everything just strewn across the counter--just basically insanely and crazily busy--and then at the end of the day, still come up balanced to the penny.

It's a really satisfying feeling, and makes all the frustration worthwhile.

The fair was this week. I didn't manage to get out there until Thursday, but that was okay. I honestly haven't been to the fair since either high school or middle school. L and I escorted her five year old nephew around and it was a lot of fun. I forgot how much fun the fair is.

Also how good the food is. Gimme hot dogs, fries and elephant ears over fancy stuff any day. I got home and was so full I thought I'd puke. I love fair food.

L wanted to go to watch the horse races. I saw two of them and was so bored I could not wait to go back out and check out everything else. Horse racing is okay when it gets exciting, like a real race to the finish, but I just don't see the point most of the time.

Next weekend is what I'm really looking forward to. I'm going to the Renaissance Festival! I've never been to one before, and I think it's going to be great. I have been waiting for this all summer! It's pretty much the only vacation I'm getting, and I don't think it technically counts if it's on a weekend and not even in a different state, and in fact, less than a two hour drive, and only for one day! But it's still the only one I'm getting, so I'm calling it a vacation anyway.
ikarit: (doctorrose/ the stuff of legends)
( Aug. 5th, 2008 05:53 pm)
So. I love my job. Okay, it is stressful and frustrating and I feel stupid when I make mistakes, but the new branch? Is wonderful. I really, really love it. In fact, I meant to post about how much I love it earlier, but I got distracted by my social life and... my job.

I have been in a good mood pretty much since I started a week ago. I was absolutely terrified I'd hate it, or be miserable, or wish like heck I'd never taken the job, but it's worked out amazingly.

My friend L told me way back when I took the job and was so worried I wouldn't like it as much, that just because I liked the job that I had didn't mean that I wouldn't like the new job just as much. So she knew what she was talking about.

In conclusion... yay!
It's kind of weird having a social life. In a good way. Still, weird. But despite the stress of a new job, which in the past would have me on the edge of a nervous breakdown and sent me rocketing into my room and remaining there for the next three months, I feel like doing stuff with people almost all the time. And more than wanting to, I'm actually doing it.

It doesn't help with the stress at all, but it's nice. Yesterday was my day off before finally starting at my new branch where I'll be working for... forever, hopefully, and I spent it out shopping with my friends, and making plans to go golfing with my friend K, her husband, and a couple other friends for K's birthday in two weeks.

Golfing. Seriously. But it'll probably be fun. I'll suck at it, but I don't mind that. And last weekend, I went to a baseball game. It was... nice. There were hot dogs. I'd have liked it better if the local team hadn't sucked so badly. And we hadn't been staring directly into the blinding sunlight, augh.

I'm not a completely new person or anything. Since I spent all of yesterday afternoon shopping and not hiding in my room like a turtle, I was pretty bitchy last night. I couldn't help snapping at people, and then of course I felt horrible, so I had to apologize more than once. But it's still better than being a turtle.

Today's gonna go fine, though. I feel pretty calm this morning. It's not like I thought it would go badly, but I just... get stressed. I think everyone does right before starting a new job. I've been in training for a week, but it was at another branch. My trainer was very nice, and my age, but she was pretty much the worst teacher possible for me. I mentioned that last week and said I might explain it a bit more, but I don't think I will. It just really doesn't matter at this point. I'm past it, and I did eventually learn everything, so I'm moving on.

I've got about an hour before I have to leave, and all I have left to do is pack something to eat for my break. That leaves like, fifty-five minutes for me to keep on relaxing. Maybe I'll go read on the porch for a bit.
So, my friend was really bored and decided to go through the current handbook for our school. Seems they've updated.

In the list of prohibited clothes, it says, quote:

"The following are specifically prohibited:
(4) boxer shorts or other garments considered to be underwear."

It's official. At my old school, students are required to go commando.
So, I started the new job last Monday (well, training, anyway), and I start at my new office next Monday. It's... hm. There have been ups and downs. Last Wednesday, I came home and cried. It was just a really bad day. But then Thursday, it was like everything came together. So more on that later, maybe.

Right now, I feel like doing a meme! I've been reading actual books a bit more lately, and I've been meaning to start reading even more. So I'm gonna do a meme in honor of that, and maybe I'll actually read some of the things I mean to read!

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them ;-)

100 Top Books of Awesome or In Some Cases Just Okay )

So... I get why they listed Chronicles of Narnia AND The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, because a lot of people have read the latter but not the former, but I feel weird counting it as two. Oh, well. I'm counting Chronicles as the other six.

Total: 18
Not bad, but not great. Definitely an incentive to start on the others that I'm intending to read and finish the two I've already started! I'm pretty sure there were two others that I read at some point, but I'm not positive about it, so I left them off. I don't think they should really count if I can't even remember for sure if I read them.
Wow. Busy week for me! And it's still not over... I have tomorrow morning to work, still!

I was already working every day this week, because the head teller is on vacation, so it was extra hectic when I decided to apply to a job on Monday at a credit union in town because there'd be higher pay and more hours.

I squeezed in an interview on Tuesday, lucked out into taking their test online at home because it's the credit union my mom works at (otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to go in until next week), and found out this afternoon on my lunch break that I'd gotten the job.

Dad and I figured it out to be that at the very least, I will be making $440 more a month. At the very least. Possibly more. I love the bank I'm at, I really do. I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in the job, and I love my coworkers, and I have fun. But it's not enough money, and I hate that I have to work at Penney's to supplement my income. I couldn't afford not to apply, and I couldn't afford not to take the job.

It happened very fast, though. They didn't advertise the job, I only found out because, like I said, my mom is a teller there. She called me 40 minutes after the job got posted, and an hour later, I had an interview squeezed in before work the next day at 8:30.

And as a friend pointed out, just because I love where I'm at doesn't mean that I won't love it there too. So I'm... happy. Not just about the money, but because it's a great opportunity, and there's more room for advancement, and I honestly like their system better. If I had to choose between the two places to bank at, I'd choose the credit union. So there's that.

I'm nervous, but... excited. And I get to quit JCPenney! Yay! Thank god, really. My tentative start date is July 14th, depending on when they can start my training. My last day at Penney's will be the 11th, and my last day at the bank will be the 12th (might as well work that Saturday, give one of the other girls the day off...).

Big breath. Another change. Augh, I'm going to start stressing all over again. Just when I thought I was over the hurdle, I decide to jump a new one!
I doubt anyone remembers the asbestos incident at Penney's I posted about back in November, and I know I haven't posted about the other crappy things that happen there on a regular basis, but today is just another example of exactly how badly we need JCPenney to admit we need a new store building.

Giant holes in the ceiling and the elevators breaking down constantly (at least the freight elevator and the service elevator never break down at the same time--oh god, I've just jinxed it) are nothing compared to having our air conditioner stop working yesterday.

It's 84 degrees Fahrenheit downstairs and 89 degrees upstairs, and that's... livable (albeit miserable) except if you're in Replenishment like I am and your job consists of manual labor that's sweaty, tiring work even in air conditioning. I thought I was going to die. We lasted two hours before management told us we could go home because it was ridiculous to make us work in those conditions. When I left, the discussion was whether they'd even be able to open the store today.

I took a step outside, where it was not nearly as hot and windy to boot, and it was like heaven. Ahhh. I like heat, okay? I really like it. I don't use air conditioning in my car when I go anywhere, I'm fine with heat. But not if there's no AIR.

They're saying it might take three weeks to fix. Three weeks. In June. With no air conditioning and incredible humidity and thunderstorms. People are going to come in wet and it's NOT GOING TO EVAPORATE. Oh my god. It'll be hell.

And I'm going to be doing manual labor in it. Please kill me now.

To think, I'm going to be one of the lucky ones. I only work five hours a day twice a week!
ikarit: (tenrose/ all smiles)
( May. 22nd, 2008 07:53 am)
Okay, now I really must update as it is getting to be a Thing. A thing where I don't update.

Last time I posted, I was in the middle of a bad week, but that's been passed. Dad's had his surgery, and now he's pretty much all better! Still not at work, as he's a mechanic and he can't do his job if he's on restrictions, but he'll be back to work in a week or so. He just has to get a few more tests done this week, and then get the results before he's got the okay.

And it was my birthday last Wednesday! It was really fantastic. I got bombarded by cakes and brownies and made myself sick four days in a row. And the day before my birthday, I went to the zoo with L and her boyfriend. The zoo!

To understand my excitement about the zoo, you must understand I've been making noises to anyone who would listen about going to the zoo for the past five years, at least. So when L messaged me a few weeks ago and said, "want to come to Cincinnati with me so I can visit my boyfriend--and by the way, let's go to the ZOO while we're there," I admit to squealing and bouncing up and down in my chair.

I would've gone to Cincinnati anyway, but not with such enthusiasm, which was probably L's goal. I got to see turtles. I love turtles, and I even got a new necklace with a cute little turtle charm. I've been wearing it every day I can get away with it, which is most days. Yay for turtles!

So, yes. Good times! And now it's off to work. Less good times, but still good times. I like the bank. :D
Well, last week was bad. I was sick and my laptop never worked (I ended up returning the damn thing after I spent five hours over a period of two days talking to four different customer support technicians and they finally told me they couldn't fix the thing and to just return it, and a few emails with Amazon.com support later, I was told they didn't feel I should have it replaced and to just return it (which was really just them politely refusing to replace it because they didn't feel it was their problem), I had to pay $23 to ship it back, man, was I ever frustrated), and my desktop is messed up TOO, and a few other things that are minor in the long run but on top of everything else, really didn't help at all. By Friday, I was sick (again) and I went into work at JCPenney anyway because I'd called off on Monday and was there about two and a half hours before I couldn't take it anymore, went home to check to make sure they'd gotten my schedule right for THIS week (long story, it got switched around because of stuff at the bank) and found out that I wasn't scheduled to work that Friday ANYWAY. I'd gone into work sick when I wasn't even supposed to be working! And no one told me, and they made me jump through hoops when I wanted to go home sick! I was... so exhausted and miserable and probably the slightest thing would've set me into a sobbing fit by that point.

I'm really not joking. Just... stress. I was fine before, but even if I like the new job it's still stressful, and I'm still learning and it didn't take much to push me over. I'm still probably a crying jag waiting to happen, because this week is starting out worse than last week. After that bad week, I went to work at the bank Saturday morning, and then had the rest of the day to unwind from everything.

Saturday night (it was 2am, so technically Sunday), I was lying awake in bed because... well, I tend to do that. Insomniac and all. So, lying awake and my mom walks in to say my dad's really sick and in agonizing pain and she's rushing him to the emergency room. It being 2am and me not being really awake, I kinda agreed and once she was gone kinda freaked... It's good I didn't actually panic before they'd left, because I found out later Mom was barely holding it together.

Spent four or five hours in the hospital Sunday afternoon, during which Dad got a couple more tests done and we were told nothing except that it wasn't a heart attack before he got let go. Then yesterday, we found out that it was his gall bladder and he'd need surgery most probably, and I spent the afternoon (I was at work in the morning) driving him FROM and then back TO the hospital and running errands and then my grandparents came home from Florida, so two hours visiting.

And then sometime around 6:20 this morning, Mom woke me up to tell me that Dad was having another attack, and it was another trip to the emergency room, and then about two hours ago, I got a call saying he has to have surgery today, sometime between noon and 3, to have his gall bladder removed, so we'll see how that goes.

I've really got to take a shower so I'll be ready to go up there and wait when Mom calls to tell me when he's having the surgery exactly, but I feel like crap. My head is killing me.

Today's my day off. I was going to use it to do laundry and go shopping--Mom's birthday is tomorrow, and she really deserves a fantastic present, plus I have a good friend's college graduation party this Saturday and I need a present for that too. No more days off. The end of this week isn't looking too great either. Not sure how Dad's recovery time is going to be, or even how long he'll be in the hospital since we won't know until after he's had the surgery.

It's just... long two weeks, I'm betting. Very long. And so very stressful. And sometime as soon as possible I have to call Brian and get that information I still need to fix my desktop, which really needs fixing now that the laptop is gone. My head hurts. A lot.

Edit: Naturally, the minute I post this is the minute I get the phone call from Mom to say that Dad's just going into surgery and I have to get up there as soon as possible. Augh. Still no shower.
So today has... hm, what's the a good way to say it? Today has sucked ass. Well, less today and more this evening.

I haven't said anything about it because it didn't feel right until I actually had the thing, but I ordered a laptop last week. It arrived on Monday, and I started it up, only to find that I couldn't connect to the internet wirelessly. Okay, all right. It happens. Dad was having trouble with his wireless too, and Brian was coming home Tuesday night (to go to the dentist, long story) so I just waited.

And Tuesday was... last night, so anyway, last night Brian came home! Yay! And got the wireless internet working for Dad. Only still not for me. So he worked on that for a couple hours, but seriously, he had homework and he'd just has a three hour drive only to spend hours working on a computer, knowing he had to be up early to go to the dentist and then leave for another three hour drive? I didn't push him. I felt bad enough making him spend a couple hours trying as is.

So I called tech support right when I got home from work today, and spent three hours on the phone with them, and it's still not fixed.

Can I please tear out my hair now? I mean, I get it's confusing. It really is. I can connect to the router, but I can't connect from the router to the internet. I baffled tech support. It really sucked, and I felt kinda bad about it. The first person I talked to was a nice guy with a cute voice, and he started out sweet and positive, and then by the end, he sounded... strained. I felt a little guilty.

They did give me a few options that I want to ask Brian about, but honestly I'm pretty sure he already did them. So the other thing they suggested is getting a new network card.

Why did I want a new laptop again? Because I ordered a laptop only to find out that there's something freaking wrong with it, I might as well return the damn thing. AUGH. Only if I return it, I'd really want to exchange it for the same thing. I love this notebook. I mean, I really really love it. I drooled over it, and it's even better in person than I thought it would be! (Except... you know, that it doesn't work.)

I really have no idea what I want to do if I talk to Brian and he's done the things they've suggested already... is it really worth getting a new network card, which by the way, I couldn't freaking install ANYWAY? Brian could do it, but I don't think he's going to be coming home again anytime soon.

I have a headache. And a backache (I had to do a lot of bending to do some of the stuff they suggested... don't ask). And I'm really tired.
ikarit: (taylor/ oh noes!)
( Apr. 12th, 2008 04:22 pm)
Yesterday after I got home from work at noon, I took a forty-five minute nap, got inspired and then suddenly went insane. When my family got home, I went to work driving them insane with my insanity.

Unfortunately for them--and actually, for me too--I picked the one activity to go crazy at the no one can ever scold me for. I cleaned. I've spent almost eight hours cleaning my room. Not all at one time. Five hours yesterday dusting, vaccuuming and throwing things out. Then three hours today cleaning out my closets, throwing things away, and sorting. I even went to the store and bought storage containers so I'll be more organized. My room went from a disaster--a very overflowing disaster, to bare and obsessively organized.

I think I'm done, but I keep finding more things to do. Augh. I wish I had before and after pictures to show, but I didn't think of it.

Hopefully I'll stop sneezing all the time. The four generations of dust bunnies I cleaned might have had something to do with that...

And just so you get an idea: I haven't cleaned my room for four years. I've straightened up, but not cleaned. Four years of not dusting, vaccuuming once or twice a year. And I haven't gone through my closets since... um. Wow. I don't think I've gone through my closets since I was fifteen or sixteen?

No wonder no one believes me when I insist I'm an organized person.
...but I really don't care.

I am in a very, very cheerful mood today, and also a little amused with myself

It's really a lovely day, so warm and... well, raining occasionally, and okay, sure, incredibly windy and rather gray...

It's really a warm day today. I'm enjoying the warmth very much. I even took a walk! A really long one. Unfortunately, because I haven't been on a walk since last summer, I was limping by the time I got home, and I think I might be getting a blister. I need new walking shoes for real. I kind of want to go on another walk, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to make it around the block.

I love walks. I really, really love walking. I could walk for hours, and moreover, at this exact moment, I really want to walk for hours. Only... I think I'd have to exercise quite a lot before I'd be able to pull it off.

I feel kind of cheated. I sincerely want to exercise, but to exercise, I have to... exercise. And I think I'd need some kind of gym membership for that, and it wouldn't be any fun. Plus, those cost money and walking is free.

It is a quandary, and I am incredibly aggrieved with it. In a chipper sort of way.

Oh, and if anyone's wondering, the job is going well. I'm working at the bank three days a week, and at Penney's two days a week. I get to sleep in three days a week. I get off at noon three days a week. I get one Saturday off a month. I think I'm really, really going to like everything about all of it.

I've been annoyingly cheerful for the past week and a half, and I think I'm going to continue to be cheerful for some time to come.

And that makes me incredible happy.
Today was my first day as a teller. I started orientation on Tuesday, but today I actually started training. It was... kind of a relief. Orientation was boring, of course, but it was also incredibly overwhelming. There's so much to learn, and they weren't really explaining much. Just going over generalities. And using lots of acronyms I'd never heard before. And even if they'd told me what the acronyms stood for, I'd still have been lost so mostly I just went around really confused.

Today was better. There's still such a massive amount of things to learn, but actually seeing things done and getting an idea of how things flow helped a lot. I never doubted I could learn it--well, maybe a little, but now I can breathe a bit easier. Yes, it'll be hard and I'll be lost for a while, but my trainer is really great and she's explaining everything, and it's manageable. It's all manageable. This is great!

So, two weeks of training (not in the branch I'll be working at) and then start working at my bank branch on the 27th. Penney's gave me three weeks off, not sure when I'm going to be put back on the schedule.

Really, I feel so hugely relieved. I've been stressed, obviously, starting a new job is always stressful. And I was a little worried I'd signed up for something that would be really stressful and that in the end, I would hate doing. But I think I'll like it. So... obviously, the stress isn't going to go away, but the worry is absolutely gone. I'm going to like it, it's going to be hard but not overwhelming. I can do it.

So yay!
I got the job. I can't believe I got the job. I really, really wasn't expecting to get the job. In part because if I'd thought I'd get the job, I likely wouldn't have been able to convince myself to apply so I very pointedly thought I wouldn't get the job, but also in part because I didn't think I'd get the job.

I didn't think I was incapable or unqualified or anything, because seriously, it's just a part-time bank teller job. I just didn't think I'd get it. But I did.

Huh. Well. I'm not entirely sure what to think about this, but my immediate reaction was excitement, so I'm going to go with that. Pretty soon, I'm going to start getting nervous as all hell, but until then, I'm going to be excited.

I got the job!
ikarit: (taylor/ oh noes!)
( Feb. 17th, 2008 03:07 pm)
So, Interview #1 is over and done, and Interview #2 is coming up on Tuesday. Just when I thought I'd got through it! A bit nervously and stutteringly through it, but through it. And then she says they'll call back for second interviews, and I thought for sure I wouldn't, but then I did and gaaaaah.

At least that really expensive suit I bought will have been worth the money I spent. The second interview is with another person completely, in another branch of the bank, so I don't have to be embarrassed about wearing it again. Well, I'll be embarrassed anyway, but no one but me will know.

In the midst of this stress, I'm doing laundry and straightening up my room. That is, when I'm not obsessively reading Doctor Who fic. I really, really need to finish watching Series Two. I only have the last two episodes to go, and I just can't make myself watch them because auuuugh, the angst. I will bawl.

Instead, I will distract myself by finished season two of Numb3rs, which is a show I only started watching a couple weeks ago. I love Charlie and Don. I love fictional brothers in general! Two more episodes to go, and then I'm on to season three.

And I think I really need to stop drinking the giant bottle of Coca-Cola, because I'm not very used to large amounts of caffeine, and I seem to have the shakes. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm rambling kind of incoherently. I'm also making a massive amount of typos and the only reason I'm catching them is the automatic spellcheck.

No more caffeine for me, seriously.
ikarit: (doctor/ *chin rub*)
( Feb. 12th, 2008 05:43 pm)
And naturally, having complained repeatedly about my tedious life, I'm now (figuratively) biting my nails. Mom showed me a want ad for a part-time bank teller last week, and I talked myself into applying. And what do you know, but today I set up an interview for Thursday.

Nerve-wracking! I can't stop thinking about the things I'm going to have to consider. It's only 16 hours a week, so I'll have to stay at Penney's part-time too, just less hours and likely I won't be able to keep doing replenishment and will have to go back to working customer service. I hate customer service, but I like money, so I will just have to suck it up. Being a bank teller is customer service anyway, so I will definitely be sucking it up all around. And maybe I'll be able to stay on replenishment, I don't know.

I'm trying to concentrate on not getting ahead of myself and having no luck. I have no experience in banking, so I'm really kind of doubtful that I'll get hired. Once I have repeated that enough, I will certainly stop obsessing.

In a really small part of my mind, I'm incredibly disappointed that I might have to switch departments at Penney's just as I've really made friends with my coworkers, especially N, who is my age and has a lot in common with me. I hope I can stay on replenishment, I really do, because gossiping with her about cute guys and annoying coworkers is the best part of working there!
I think possibly the lack of a social life is seriously hurting my psyche. I often talk to myself (usually not out loud... usually), but sometimes it just gets sad.

I just went into the bathroom a minute ago, to take out my contacts like I do every night. One out, then the other. Only I realize today is the 31st, which means tomorrow is time for a new pair.

Me: Whoops, sorry guys. Time for you to go! You've been good to me, but now it's time for a new pair.
Me: *makes plopping noise with mouth while throwing them in the trash can*
Me: *long pause*
Me: Oh, god, did I seriously just talk to my contacts?

This has brought on a whole new level to laughing at myself. It's either that, or be crippled with embarrassment.
It seems most of my life at this point is anticipation and expectations.. I'm anticipating a new job--the same job I was nominally hired for last April and never came through. Expectation is a month and a half, currently. I'm anticipating having my loans paid off. Expectation is August or September, given my current rate of repayment. I'm anticipating being able to move out on my own and be self-sufficient. Expectation is anywhere from a year and a half to two years.

I like structure. I really love structure, actually. So it's great to know these things, and have these goals and have the time frame down. And it's exciting, and positive, and it's really kind of obvious I'm focused on these things because I keep mentioning them in my very rare posts.

It's just... the most exciting things that've happened to me lately have been that I've figured out workarounds for my procrastination. I've always been an odd mix of qualities--I love doing things on time, but I'm a procrastinator and lazy. You put something in front of me, and I'll wander off to do something else. I can't keep focused. So instead of paying my bills when I get paid, I'll put it off for a week or two, and before you know it, it's my next paycheck and I still haven't paid bills with the last. And that's just... frustrating. So I've started paying my bills before I get paid. We get paid on Fridays, but we can look at our paychecks the Wednesday before payday. I've started paying my bills then instead. I have more in my savings than I get in a paycheck, so I transfer the amount I want from my savings, and then pay bills. Since I get direct deposit into my savings, it works out perfectly. No work for me on payday! And since I don't feel pressured to do it, and I feel clever for thinking of it, I've managed to pay my bills on that Wednesday with no procrastination at all. Knowing that I can procrastinate if I want seems to do the trick.

I do the same thing with getting gas. I fill up every week, even though the tank is always still three-quarters full. I used to put it off until it was nearly empty. Most of the time I worried I'd run out, and still I'd put it off another day or two. But feeling clever and positive and unstressed about it works every time.

I do feel like I should be able to do these things on time without attempting to outsmart myself, but then again, I am the girl who used to set her clock ahead fifteen minutes so she could feel like she was leaving for work later than she really was. Which apparently isn't that uncommon, since I know other people do it. And it gives me something to feel good about when I'm currently living such a boring life. God, cheerful about paying bills and getting gas. I need to get a life for real. But I'm laughing at myself now, so that's okay.

Anyone want to volunteer odd things they do to trick themselves into not procrastinating or something similar?
So it's not really a secret that what little involvement I had with anyone on livejournal has kind of petered out. That's partly my fault, mostly just change and growing apart. So when I post on here, it's almost always because I need to get something said. Not necessarily said to anyone, but just out there, in the world and not just stuck in my brain. I don't really have anyone at this point in my life who I can do that with. Honestly, I don't think I ever did. It's not that I'm a private person, because I'm really not. I just keep things inside and forget to let them out.

My point is that I do realize most of the people who have friended me don't actually read this journal, or care about the contents. Which is fine, and this is kind of my open invitation to defriend me if you like, no hurt feelings. I do read my friends list daily, even if I don't comment, so I'm not removing anyone but I thought I'd just give notice that if you don't really want to keep me friended and didn't want to hurt my feelings, don't worry. If you flock your entries, then I'd really appreciate it if you kept me on your flist, because like I said, I do read every entry on my flist, I just don't comment. If you're on my list, I care!

And then just delving into emotional stuff that doesn't really segue well from the previous paragraphs without seeming depressing and I'm not feeling depressed about any of it, just vague and detached )

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've used an lj-cut, but I'm hoping I still know how to do it right. The unburdening of my soul has helped, however, if one could call it unburdening. I think it's a little too general for that. But it helped, even if no one ever reads it.

And wow, now that I don't have a paid account and only six icons, I really need to pick some better ones than the random icons I've been left with. Hm.
One thing about having to get up at 5am every weekday is that I absolutely have to take sleep aids every one of those nights. Kind of can't afford to lie awake for hours upon end. And since my sleep aid has just been benedryl, that's eventually stopped working so well. I knew I'd get used to it and the effects would stop working, but I'd hoped that only taking it when I needed to get up for something specifically would make it last longer.

Still, I've been taking it for years and years, so it was bound to happen eventually. And it never worked all that well--it got me to sleep remarkably well, but I always wake up in the middle of the night at least once, sometimes twice. This week, it got bad. And I got desperate.

I couldn't stay asleep lately, but Wednesday night I was up half the night! I felt like a zombie Thursday. Wait, no. I think the description I used at the time was, "it feels like I'm walking through jello." All movement, through jello. Possibly even breathing. Adding to this problem is the fact that my job consists of physical labor; unpacking boxes, dragging carts, pulling racks, carrying piles of clothes (and I never discovered this until I worked with clothes, but while a piece of cloth is light, a pile of clothes is heavy). I needed caffeine for the drive home.

So last night, I read the bottle of benedryl. The warnings, specifically. And I took two pills (started as one, but that lost effectiveness AGES ago), waited a bit, then had a little bit of alcohol. Knocked out cold in a half an hour! And while I still woke up once, it was delayed! I stayed asleep from 9:30 until 4:30, baby! That was FANTASTIC. Since I wasn't waking up throughout the whole night, I slept more deeply than usual too. I rested for the last half hour, and I don't recall the last time I've ever been more rested since I started the new hours.

The only problem is that if I start self-medicating with alcohol, that can only lead to bad things. And I don't even like alcohol, so that's not a pleasant choice, much less a healthy one! So now that it's past the first of the year, and I have medical insurance again, I really have to make that doctor's appointment. Either he gives me a prescription for some kind of sleep aid, or he gives me an alternative for benedryl (which was his suggestion in the first place), because I cannot take it anymore.
ikarit: (claire/ cry)
( Dec. 18th, 2007 07:24 pm)
God. I hate how it's so easy to forget what a bastard my father can be. He's been better in the past five or six years, but then he has a bad day and starts yelling about absolutely nothing--it's never about anything logical or in any way reasonable--and then the terror just comes flooding back.

I hate that he fucked up my life in that way. A man raises his voice, and it's just instant terror for me. The kind of fear where you're frozen in place, can't breathe, gut-wrenching panic just flooding through you.

I hate walking on eggshells. My whole life, walking on eggshells.

I want out.

At least... for right now. By morning, I'll have forgotten all about it. I don't turn short-term memory into long-term memory very successfully. I'm not sure if that's a gift or a curse.
Well, so far, mine has been... eventful. All around eventful! I got up to go to work as usual yesterday, and it was a pretty normal day until just after 11, when I smashed a finger against the corner of a metal bar (a clothing rack, actually) and promptly passed out about a minute later. Probably the most embarrassing episode yet. I think the last time I fainted was sometime in 2005 (I passed out twice that year).

This is the third time I've fainted due to pain and the sixth time total. I'd forgotten how much smashing your finger hurts, and the fact that I couldn't scream, curse or cry did not help. Clearly, the next time I stub my toe and scream, I will have to inform my mother that the screaming is for health reasons. I've never fainted when I can wail about it. Anyway, I woke up to about... oh, I'm guessing at least fifteen customers plus three or four coworkers standing around me. Horribly, desperately embarrassing. Not sure how long I was out, but long enough for someone to have run to a nearby pretzel shop and get me a cup of ice water. They handed it to me when I woke up. And naturally, because customers are incredibly curious, none of them left, and I couldn't very well get up. I must've lain there for ten minutes with a crowd around me. And I had to talk three or four people out of calling the EMTs.

It wasn't even a day I wanted to go home early. I was hoping to finish some extra work since Fridays are usually a slow day (for my job, not for the store), but instead I'll likely have a lot more extra work next week. Shit. But I got shuffled out the emergency exit without even being allowed to grab my coat--I had my purse already and my manager drove me home. I carry glucose tablets in it, so I asked one of the watching coworkers to run and get it right after I woke up.

Next eventful thing was actually a good outcome from the fainting! I got home around 11:40 and got on MSN, something I usually don't do until after work, and it turns out my friend L had been trying to get in contact with me! I was planning on visiting her this weekend, but she wanted to know if I could come up yesterday instead of today, because if I came today I would've had to go to a hockey game. I didn't want to go to a hockey game, so I went up last night (obviously, I was fine by then) and came back earlier today. Fun!

And final eventful thing was actually about work again. Sometime last night, J. C. Penney got a bomb threat. Wow. I can't wait until they find the jackass who did that and arrest them. Every once in a while, they get bomb threats for one or the other of the college campuses in my town, but the mall is new.

Oh, and I forgot the best part. On the drive up to visit L (she goes to college at Bowling Green, which is like... an hour away or so), I noticed my butt hurt. See, when I fainted a bunch of people were going on about how I hit my head on the bottom of a metal rack but my head didn't hurt at all and there was only a little mark. It turns out that I might've hit my head a little, but my ass definitely broke my fall. I figured it was one of those bruises that you can't see, since it's my butt and it's... I dunno, all fatty! But no, I looked (out of curiosity) this afternoon, and I have a really awful looking bruise. It's like... bloody purple-red, and vivid. Kind of impressively ugly, and I'm not even sure how hard I must have landed to make it that bad.

So that's me so far. Humiliation, a fun visit with an awesome friend, a bomb threat, and an ugly bruised ass. Kind of... yeah, I'm going to stick with eventful. I'm hoping tomorrow will be very dull.
The job is still going good! Despite all my unwavering skepticism, one really does get used to getting up at 5am. It's completely and utterly weird. But one does get used to it! I long for weekends like mad, and last night I went to bed at 8pm--8pm! Really!--but I must admit my dad wasn't lying.

He also told me that you really know you're used to it when you start waking up early even when you don't need to be up. I told him he was full of shit, and then promptly woke up at 6am on a Sunday and couldn't get back to sleep. Augh.

Life is, overall, very good. Except I possibly breathed in asbestos at work yesterday. Part of the ceiling caved in beside me! I got lucky--it landed on the girl across the counter from me.

None of the metal bits fell until everyone was well away, so she just got hit by a (probably asbestos-laced) ceiling tile. I'm not sure if she'd have rather had the metal bits... the look of asbestos-induced terror on her face was comical (although when I realized that I'd probably breathed that shit in, the look of horror on my face was probably pretty comical too), but at least she wasn't physically injured. There was just a whole lot of washing. With soap. Lots of soap. Hand soap, in the employee restroom! She got to go home early, too. I almost wished I got hit with asbestos tile.

If we're lucky, there wasn't any asbestos at all! Except there probably was. The same thing happened in the Men's department a year ago, and they had to get rid of tons of asbestos-covered clothes. That's really the point where they should have looked into getting a new building.

Asbestos or no asbestos, the giant hole in the ceiling is so awesome.
It's the second day in a row I've had to get up at 4am (which despite only being an hour earlier, is so, so much worse than the usual 5am), and I just ran out of cappuccino.

Today sucks so hard.

...though the new job isn't awful.
Sometimes I hate my family dynamics. I mean, really hate them. Sometimes it's cute when they forget to tell me things, or assume I know about them. I spend 90% of my free time sequestered in my bedroom. How am I supposed to know about anything unless they tell me?

Dad came home from work today and casually mentioned that Mom had a half-day tomorrow because she was going to our next door neighbor's funeral tomorrow. A close family friend who we all love. Then he realized from my reaction, that perhaps they'd forgotten to tell me she'd died yesterday morning. And then in the ensuing shocked silence, he endeavored to apologize and explain what'd been going on, and that's when I found out they'd also forgotten to tell me that she'd been dying of a perforated stomach for the past two months.

It's just, god. It's awful, horrible news that'd make me bawl my eyes out anyway, and to have it shoved on me out of the blue? I should've known! I would have visited her, I would have done something! I'd been wondering why I hadn't seen her around, but I thought I was just missing her! And I've been treating her husband perfectly normally, waving to him cheerfully whenever I see him. Fuck, I think I saw him yesterday. He must've thought horribly of me.

Now I have to go in to work tonight for my second overnight with red eyes and a huge migraine. I don't get off until 5am, and then I'm going to get up early--probably 10 or 11 tomorrow morning, get ready and ride an hour and a half for her funeral. And then come home, go to bed and get up at 5am for my first official shift in my new job on Wednesday. At least work tonight won't be awful, it's the kind of focused but almost mindless work that's amazingly distracting. No customers to be calm and collected for, either. And it's not like I would be able to sleep anyway.
I am so, so excited. Today out of nowhere, the store manager and my department manager asked if I wanted to work for the Replenishment team. My response was, I'm fairly sure, "I'd love that!" Possibly there was squealing, because I know they looked a little taken aback.

I couldn't help it! I've always, even when I worked at Penney's two year ago, wanted to work for Replenishment. It's what it's called, replenishing what's on the shelves and putting out new merchandise. It means I will rarely deal with customers, spending a lot of time in the stockroom (I love the stockroom!), and pretty much working on my own. The only other place I'd rather would be on the Visual team, and they put up the displays and make things look pretty. Overall, it's a similar job, but possibly kind of awkward because the Visual manager is my ex-boyfriend's mother. So. Replenishment is my first choice!

I guess they really, really needed someone for Replenishment, because I'm starting immediately. Tomorrow is my last day in Women's, and then they found people to cover all my shifts next week. I agreed to work overnight this Sunday night and then again on Monday night (7pm - 5am on Sunday, 9:30pm to 7am Monday), and then regular shifts after that, which is earlier than I'm used to. They come in two or three hours before opening, so it's usually 7am. It'll be even earlier as hours change closer to Christmas. Gah! The early mornings will kill me, but I got used to going in at 9:45 for Women's, so I will learn to deal! Still... we're opening at 4am the day after Thanksgiving, so if I work that day... I think I'll have to come in at 1 or 2am! Wow, that will suck so much.

But even still, I can't stop bouncing!
ikarit: (ryantaylor/ kiss)
( Oct. 14th, 2007 05:35 pm)
My poor brother Jimmy is sick yet again. My family is a healthy, hearty sort of family--we get sick, but never badly, and always rarely--except for Jimmy. Once or twice a year, he will wake up (generally in the middle of the night, or so it seems) violently ill of some sort. It usually doesn't last long, but it's always pretty bad. It seemed like last week was his normal sort of illness, with a high fever and a sore throat. There was a diagnosis of tonsillitis and giant horse pills, forced absences from school and a missed soccer game, and it seemed like it was time to move on.

Then he woke up with a high fever and a sore throat again this morning, and it seems like it was never really gone in the first place! So he and Mom spent this afternoon at the ambulatory care center in the next town over. Mono tests came back negative, but the doctor says he still might have it. So he's definitely not allowed to go to school tomorrow, and if he's not better by Tuesday, he'll have to go back in for more tests. Poor Jim! He doesn't mind missing school, but he hates being sick and he's too social to enjoy missing more than one or two days. This will be the third day in two weeks, and there's the possibility he'll miss another soccer game. Missing the soccer game will kill him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll get better, no that it's not mono! I'm sure it's not, he always bounces back.

Other than Jimmy, life is pretty good. I feel idiotic because I forgot to clock back in to work yesterday after my lunch break, so instead of working seven hours, it only recorded three. My boss says it won't be a pain to sort out, but I'm frustrated with myself. We got a new system a few weeks ago, and now we clock in at the registers. This is the second time I've forgotten since the system changed! It just happens that I see customers waiting by the register and my mind immediately jumps to checking them out rather than clocking in, and I think that says more about my work ethic than my forgetfulness.

Plus, I'm just plain bitter about the new system. It really sucks.

I also just applied for a supervisor position that opened up. I won't get the job, I'm absolutely sure I won't get the job, but as I've been told again and again, it's better to try and to fail than not to try. I'd really like to work in a different department, like Home or Replenishment or Display, but being the Women's supervisor would be nice. They do a lot of replenishment anyway. Still, I won't get the job so it really doesn't matter.

I've gotten better about acting cheery and smiling when I'm feeling bland. I just really hate when a customer comes up and teases me like "it can't be all that bad!" Dude, shut the fuck up. I'm tired and now I'm bitchy. It's harder to smile when I'm bitchy than when I'm just bland. But it's now a skill at which I am becoming fairly good.

At first when I started working again, I felt kind of apathetic about the whole thing. It was easy training. I got paid for nine hours of watching videos on things I already knew! Register training doesn't go any faster if you know what you're doing--well, maybe a little, but the cd training does not. So I got paid to sit around and not pay attention. Once I started working... then the hate started. I dreaded coming to work so much, I regretted applying there again, I wished with all my heart I hadn't cancelled my interview at Kohl's, and I'd scheduled that interview with Macy's. But a few weeks later, once I'd gotten used to Penney's again, I... remembered why there had been a time that I did love working there. And now I almost--almost--look forward to going into work. Almost! I don't mind it very much, anyway. I've got lots of cute new outfits to wear, I put on makeup most of the time, and I've taken to painting my fingernails bright colors.

I get lots of compliments on my nails. Originally, it would've probably lasted a week, but then a customer said how great my nails looked, and so when the paint started to chip, I put on a new color rather than just removing it. I've kept getting compliments (one lady even delightedly kept track of the colors!), so they keep getting painted. I'll do anything for a compliment.
So... in my last entry, which was in July, I said I'd post soon-ish. That... did not happen. Obviously. I wanted to post vacation pictures, but none of them turned out, and I didn't have anything else to post about, so I put off posting and put off posting, until suddenly it's been three months!

This is not a new trend. In May, I decided I needed to wash and wax my car. I ended up doing it two days ago, and only because I found out it was absolutely going to be cold the next day and I wasn't sure it would warm up again. I am a procrastinator of the worst kind. Or maybe just normal, I'm not sure.

I did manage to stop procrastinating about work! I ended up back at J.C.Penney's, since the new manager there saw in my application that I'd worked there before, and called me immediately to schedule an interview. I actually think he planned to hire me the second he saw my application, but in the end it just meant that by the time I got any calls from all the other places I'd applied to, I was already started at Penney's again. Fail for me, except it meant that I was really impressively good at my job right away! On my thirty day evaluation, I was told I took on a "leadership role" when a bunch of people quit or were fired and there was manic panic taking place among coworkers to do the job with not enough people.

I'm just that awesome, although the whole leadership thing came as a surprise to me personally. I do admit I'm a whole hell of a lot better at the job now than I was two years ago. Plus, I'm getting paid a lot more since I'm a re-hire, the minimum wage has gone up, and we're so short on people that I'm very close to working full time. I'm just glad I'll have health insurance starting January, which is new for part-time help. I'm not complaining!

I'm not sure when, but working again has made one thing clear. Eventually, I am going back to school unless something drastic happens. I cannot possibly do retail work for the rest of my life. I can be a positive person, and I work hard, but when I'm tired (and I'm tired a lot, since my preferred shift is the day shift) I look tired. When I'm grumpy, I look grumpy. And I don't automatically keep a smile on my face, I just generally look bland. All of these things are bad for retail work, and it leads to customers and coworkers teasing me. The more obvious reason I don't want to work retail forever is of course, I hate retail. Who doesn't?

Still, aside from not naturally being a cheery, upbeat person, I am shockingly good at my job. That's a nice feeling. And it made me realize that probably part of the reason that I felt vacation wasn't as nice as it should of been was that for the past year, I'd already been on a vacation. If I were to have a week off now and go to Punta Cana, it'd be a dream. Work makes vacation much nicer. Case in point, I asked off Friday and Saturday to go to Columbus and shop and have fun with friends, and it was that much more awesome.

On the other hand, one of the many reasons I did not want to go back to work at a department store, or any other store that sells clothes, is that I become a clothes horse and cannot stop myself from buying cute things. I think about half my paycheck goes to buying cute outfits now. This is bad because my closet is very very small, and oh yeah, I'm very poor. At this rate, I will never make enough money to move out.

Hm. You know, I think posting might've been a bad idea if I was just going to ramble on and on. I don't think anyone even read my livejournal when I did update, much less now that I'm back after vanishing for ages and ages!
ikarit: (doctor/ *chin rub*)
( Jul. 8th, 2007 01:56 am)
Okay, so it's been over a week since I got back, and I'm only just now posting. Shame on me. But in my defense, I have been sick! I'm still sick, a little. Luckily, the worst of it didn't happen until I got back (somewhat literally--we pulled into the driveway, and I had to flee for the first of many trips to the bathroom).

Vacation was... well, there were bad parts and there were good parts. The bad parts mostly being my family, my father and oldest brother in particular, and the good parts being the location!

I have to say that when I looked at the pictures of Punta Cana, I never really thought any place could be that beautiful. I could not have been more wrong. They could've just dragged a camera around and took random candids, and they'd probably turn out just as gorgeous! The Dominican Republic is incredible. It really is. I could've stayed there forever, and just enjoyed the beautiful scenery at the resort.

I went shopping, mostly ended up with jewelry, found that I have a fascination for turtles, went swimming way more than I wanted to, decided I should've brought a bikini even if I did gain ten pounds rather than losing ten pounds (everyone wore bikinis! Even people who weighed more than me! I just ended up looking like a prudish American), learned some Spanish, drank a surprising amount of alcohol, watched live shows every night... it was a pretty good vacation, over all.

I'm not sure when I'll have the pictures up, but I will have them up eventually!
ikarit: (ryantaylor/ kiss)
( Jun. 23rd, 2007 04:42 am)
Well! Can't say as I ever thought I'd be up and showered quite this early, but here I am! Waiting for it to be 6am, and for us to be leaving. I'm really excited, but nervous too. I haven't been on a real vacation since I was about... god, thirteen? That'd make it ten years. Geez. I've never been on a plane, and I've never been out of the country.

That's three major landmarks in one shot! No wonder I woke up feeling as if I needed to vomit. But eating has helped, and I'm excited. XD

Guess you'll be seeing me in a week! Assuming I don't swan off and not post. But I should have lots and lots of pictures, so I will post! Probably! Hopefully!

So I am off to Punta Cana! Wheee~
When it comes to certain things, I'm lazy and laid-back. But when it comes to others, like say, packing, which requires forethought and the possibility of forgetting important things I'll definitely miss, I am as anal as they come.

I make lists, I stay organized, I do things early. Case in point! It's Thursday evening, and I'm almost done packing for vacation. No one else in my family has even started packing, but I've packed everything except little odds and ends I'm going to need today and tomorrow. I'm pretty much done.

I've been shopping, I have little lists written all over, although the only ones that aren't completed lists are the major over-all list and the list of things I need to pack last minute (so far it only has three things: iPod, contact case, glasses w/ case, but it is bound to expand!). My other lists are all crossed off.

And in the meantime... everyone else in my family is planning on starting and finishing packing tomorrow. I've had my clothes completely packed and my travel clothes hanging up since Tuesday. I packed my shoes and bathroom supplies and such today.

Even with all the lists and the early packing, I just know I'm going to forget something. Or worse yet, refrain from packing something because I think someone else is bringing it (i.e. the toothpaste that my brothers are supposed to be bringing) and then having them forget. I'm going to be haunted until we get there and the full tally of things brought and forgotten is calculated.

2 days until I'm in Punta Cana! Dominican Republic, here I come!


ikarit: (Default)


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