Well, last week was bad. I was sick and my laptop never worked (I ended up returning the damn thing after I spent five hours over a period of two days talking to four different customer support technicians and they finally told me they couldn't fix the thing and to just return it, and a few emails with Amazon.com support later, I was told they didn't feel I should have it replaced and to just return it (which was really just them politely refusing to replace it because they didn't feel it was their problem), I had to pay $23 to ship it back, man, was I ever frustrated), and my desktop is messed up TOO, and a few other things that are minor in the long run but on top of everything else, really didn't help at all. By Friday, I was sick (again) and I went into work at JCPenney anyway because I'd called off on Monday and was there about two and a half hours before I couldn't take it anymore, went home to check to make sure they'd gotten my schedule right for THIS week (long story, it got switched around because of stuff at the bank) and found out that I wasn't scheduled to work that Friday ANYWAY. I'd gone into work sick when I wasn't even supposed to be working! And no one told me, and they made me jump through hoops when I wanted to go home sick! I was... so exhausted and miserable and probably the slightest thing would've set me into a sobbing fit by that point.

I'm really not joking. Just... stress. I was fine before, but even if I like the new job it's still stressful, and I'm still learning and it didn't take much to push me over. I'm still probably a crying jag waiting to happen, because this week is starting out worse than last week. After that bad week, I went to work at the bank Saturday morning, and then had the rest of the day to unwind from everything.

Saturday night (it was 2am, so technically Sunday), I was lying awake in bed because... well, I tend to do that. Insomniac and all. So, lying awake and my mom walks in to say my dad's really sick and in agonizing pain and she's rushing him to the emergency room. It being 2am and me not being really awake, I kinda agreed and once she was gone kinda freaked... It's good I didn't actually panic before they'd left, because I found out later Mom was barely holding it together.

Spent four or five hours in the hospital Sunday afternoon, during which Dad got a couple more tests done and we were told nothing except that it wasn't a heart attack before he got let go. Then yesterday, we found out that it was his gall bladder and he'd need surgery most probably, and I spent the afternoon (I was at work in the morning) driving him FROM and then back TO the hospital and running errands and then my grandparents came home from Florida, so two hours visiting.

And then sometime around 6:20 this morning, Mom woke me up to tell me that Dad was having another attack, and it was another trip to the emergency room, and then about two hours ago, I got a call saying he has to have surgery today, sometime between noon and 3, to have his gall bladder removed, so we'll see how that goes.

I've really got to take a shower so I'll be ready to go up there and wait when Mom calls to tell me when he's having the surgery exactly, but I feel like crap. My head is killing me.

Today's my day off. I was going to use it to do laundry and go shopping--Mom's birthday is tomorrow, and she really deserves a fantastic present, plus I have a good friend's college graduation party this Saturday and I need a present for that too. No more days off. The end of this week isn't looking too great either. Not sure how Dad's recovery time is going to be, or even how long he'll be in the hospital since we won't know until after he's had the surgery.

It's just... long two weeks, I'm betting. Very long. And so very stressful. And sometime as soon as possible I have to call Brian and get that information I still need to fix my desktop, which really needs fixing now that the laptop is gone. My head hurts. A lot.

Edit: Naturally, the minute I post this is the minute I get the phone call from Mom to say that Dad's just going into surgery and I have to get up there as soon as possible. Augh. Still no shower.

So how is it that in my nearly twenty-two years, no one ever managed to tell me that eggs have expiration dates? Or y'know, that they EXPIRE?

Because I really could've used that information this morning. It would've saved me from that whole vomiting episode right after I finished eating scrambled eggs for breakfast. And right before I had to go to the dentist.

Lemme guess... this is one of those bits of information they call "common sense"?
Oooh, it seems when I get sick, it just doesn't want to go away. It's annoying more than anything, because I'm not really that sick. I was only really sick that first day, and then after that, I had exhaustion and stomach pains, but now it's been four whole days since I got sick, and I still have the stomach pains. I wonder if it might not be because I've hardly eaten anything, and my stomach is all out of sorts about it. I decided today I'm going to start eating properly again and see if that doesn't help. I did manage to get down breakfast, even if it wasn't a very large breakfast, so that's definite progress!

I'm a bit behind on my plan, though, as it's nearly 3 and I haven't had any lunch. Everything I could find to eat seemed just distasteful, so I'm drinking a glass of milk right now instead. My illness, however, was not what I was planning to discuss in this entry, so that's enough of that.

What I really wanted to talk about was...

Er, I was going to say something about...


Shit, I totally forgot.

Oh, oh! New Year's resolutions, that was it. Well, now all my plans for a dramatic introduction have been shot, so I guess I'll just get right on to it.

I usually don't make resolutions. I used to make them all the time, but I never kept any of them except by accident. It seems so fake to follow the tradition when I know I'm not going to ever get around to doing it, so I stopped making resolutions sometime in my teen years. (Another reason was that I generally forgot what my resolutions were by the end of January and I hate evidence of my shoddy memory.)

This year I'm going to make some resolutions and try really hard to keep them. I'm going to shoot for some I know I can keep--though not ones I would necessarily find easy--because I hate the miserable feeling of unhappiness I get when I fail at something.

Resolution #1: I will not be completely anti-social. I will do my best to go out, have fun and make new friends.
Resolution #2: I will study more. I hated the feeling of disappointment I got when I looked at my grades this semester and thought, "I could've had a perfect 4.0 if I'd put in even the slightest bit of effort." I never want to feel that disappointed in myself again.
Resolution #3: I will learn to stop obsessing over my lack of a boyfriend. It is not the be-all and end-all of my life, and I need to learn to be content with what I have and not what I want to have. Just because I don't have a boyfriend now doesn't mean I will never have one.
Resolution #4: I will try to start exercising again. At the very least, I will tone up enough so I don't have to stuff myself into the size 7 jeans that fit me when I was exercising.

Four seems like a good round number, so I'll stop there. None of them will be too hard to keep, but I'm shockingly lazy so they're not particularly easy either. Wish me luck!
I woke up with the flu. )

*sigh* At least as an upside, I'll probably lose weight. Jimmy was sick for maybe two days, and he lost ten pounds.

That makes for a bad enough day, but it's what happened just a bit ago makes for one of the most frustrating, annoying and hateful days ever. I can't stop twitching.

Dad and Jim got home about forty-five minutes ago, and Dad, as usual, started his description of his daily activities. The exciting stuff, anyway. Exciting to him. That's all normal, but then... then... *twitch twitch*

Dad had his physical today! They gave him the normal whisper test, and he failed. It's not a surprise, Dad is very hard of hearing. I get so sick of repeating things to him over and over. So they got permission to do the secondary specialized hearing test, and that's when the torture starts.

Dad: I have a moderate loss of hearing in my left ear, and mild loss of hearing in my right ear.
Mom: Yeah, I can certainly believe that.
Dad: But I also have a severe loss of hearing in my left ear and moderately severe loss of hearing in my right ear of higher pitches...
Me: *grumbling sarcastically* That explain why he can't ever hear me.
Dad: *suddenly beaming* ...at about the same range as the pitch of a woman's voice.

Yes. My dad, the obnoxious ass, has the perfect excuse not to listen to my mother and I. It's on the official results of the physical test.

I can't... stop... twitching, and he can't... stop... grinning.

I suppose, thinking about it in retrospect, he was always asking Mom and I to repeat ourselves, but never the boys. *twitch* Sometimes, the more worked up over something I was, the less he could hear me. *twitch* When Mom starts whining, he usually can't get the gist of what she's saying. But of all the men in the entire world, why my father? *WORLD OF TWITCHING* Why that obnoxious, sarcastic, opportunistic bastard?! I love my dad very much, but anyone but him! Anyone!

Brian says he could sell that paper and make a fortune. Dad's holding it like it's manna from heaven. Jimmy's gleeful. Mom and I... are trying very hard to stop ourselves from strangling him.

Somehow, my flu seems so much less important right now. Somehow, I feel... that any future conversations with my father are going to be a living hell.
So, I've had this incredible headache all day long. Despite having suffered from chronic, incredibly painful headaches since I was, oh, twelve years old, this one was to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. Add to that a sniffly nose and a general feeling of uckiness, and I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to take some of that DayQuil I bought after that whole sickness thing two weeks ago.

Oh, how wrong I was.

So, I took the DayQuil and a few minutes after it hit my stomach, I started to feel a bit... off. So I did some checking (googling does wonders), and found that it's rather not a good idea to be taking DayQuil with my medications. Oops.

That totally explains the odd spinning feeling I'm having at the moment.

Usually, I take two Benedryl at this time to help me sleep, but I'm betting that's a bad idea, so I'm forgoing it today. I don't think I'll be having problems sleeping, anyway.
ikarit: (sasuke/ cursed)
( Oct. 25th, 2005 01:18 pm)
It's pregnancy that's supposed to bring out the nesting vibe, right? So why is it that I've got it when I'm sick? I suppose it makes a strange sort of sense, because if I have to spend a lot of time in the bathroom, it's really best if it's a clean bathroom. That thing was totally disgusting. It's not like we don't clean it--we do! It's just that it seems like it gets dirty a lot faster here than it did at home. At home, we cleaned the bathroom every three or four months, and that worked out fine. But here, it's completely covered in dark gray dust within two weeks. Same for the floors over the entire suite.

So I've spent just about the last hour repeatedly cleaning the bathroom, the sinks, and then finally mopping my bedroom floor. It's totally disgusting. My bedroom was worse, and I know I just mopped it less than two weeks ago. Yet still, I had to go over it more than twice to make sure that I got it all. I even had to wash one of the walls, and get down on my hands and knees to go over the floor once more by hand.

It's really ridiculous. At home, I dusted my room maybe once every two years, and I still didn't have dust bunnies as big as the ones I get here in less than two weeks! It makes absolutely no sense to me at all!

I really wish I'd gotten this cleaning urge when I wasn't sick. It would've gone so much faster if I hadn't needed to run off to the bathroom a few times while I was scrubbing. I suppose it's a relief that at least it waited until after I'd already finished cleaning the bathroom!

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to need to make a run for it in about thirty seconds, so I should probably end this entry, yeah?
Being sick? Miserable. Missing class because of being sick? Double miserable. I feel like I'm walking through a pool of sludge or something, it's just all-around miserable.

The cappucino does seem to help my throat, though. Oh, I love warm beverages right now. And cold ones. Hell, I love anything liquid.

One thing that really does suck about being away at school is that I have no medicine here. Yeah. No cough or sore throat drops, no cold medicine, no... well, those two are pretty much everything. I think. I have ibuprofen, and that's it. That's the extent of my non-prescribed medication.

Not really so bright of me, to have forgotten that stuff.
Augh, what's with this weird abdominal pain? No clue what's going on with that, except now that I think about it, it seems rather familiar. Hm. Must be... actually, no, I have no idea what it must be. It just hurts an awful lot. Still. For the past few days. Maybe it's just something that's happening because I'm sick--got a mildish sort of cold.

If that's so, then my body is truly bizarre. Maybe it's stress?

I rented Batman Begins yesterday, and watched it for the first time. It's absolutely one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life. So, so awesome. I'll probably buy it from the video store when I return the one I rented. I almost bought it the day it came out, because Meijer was selling it for $15 (with a free gift--a keychain!), but I thought I'd better watch it before I bought it. Such a bad decision.

ALSO, what's this about Maki Murakami starting a new arc of Gravitation?! Why didn't anyone TELL me?! This is big! Huge! Giant! Mind-blowing! I've already read the first two new tracks, and OMG. If it's going where I think it's going, I am going to DIE. That is just... wow!

I want to know if anyone else knows about this, seriously. Because if someone knew and didn't tell me, I will be having a serious talk with them. Or at least crying all over them and wailing, "why?! Why didn't you tell me, you giant meanie face!" I think they'd probably prefer the serious talk. I can be very shrill when I wail.
ikarit: (iharthdarth/ aye there's the nub)


( Oct. 11th, 2005 07:27 pm)
I'm really nauseous, but I can't tell if it's because I'm hungry or full.


In other news, I'm in withdrawal. I haven't seen my beautiful new baby (the car) in two days! Two long, horrid... long days! I miss it so. ♥ Earlier today, I had to fight the urge to go to the parking lot (a fifteen-minute task, at least) just to look at it again.

It's getting kind of pathetic, actually.
ikarit: (Default)
( Sep. 28th, 2005 03:52 pm)
Two more exams down with nary a problem! I had trouble with Astronomy, but I still managed to pull a 90%, at least. And this afternoon was my French oral exam. We had to take it with a partner, but I'm not sure why that was really necessary. Mostly it was just individual questions, the only part we needed a partner for was a pretend phone conversation. My partner and I met up yesterday to work that out, so we did very well. We just had to memorize it! She tried to make it hard by only allowing minor notecards written in English, but if you write a short conversation out in French and memorize it, it is so much easier.

Something good did come out of working with an exam partner, though. He linked me to Facebook! L (my exercise buddy from over the summer, anyone remember?) has been urging me to join Facebook for ages, only she never told me what it was. I never asked, but that is not the point. So now I'm on Facebook. Maybe I'll get addicted, I heard it's addictive.

Actually, it is pretty neat. My cousin is on it, too, and so now I have a way to keep in contact with her regularly. And also a few friends from high school I haven't seen in years! There was no way I'd ever call them up and ask them to hang out, so it's nice to be able to just have a short little chat over the message system-thingie.

The only other thing of note worth mentioning is that my stomach appears to have settled down. I was getting kind of worried--for a while, I couldn't eat without getting sick. It started slowly enough, getting sick from certain foods in the dining hall, but last week I didn't eat there at all, and I was sick every day. I was just eating frozen dinners, something I've had a million times and I genuinely like, and it wouldn't be more than a half an hour after every single meal that I'd get sick. Didn't matter what I'd eaten, it wasn't staying.

My main worry was that I wouldn't be getting my meds--I take them with meals, so unless they're completely in the bloodstream within a half an hour, I wasn't keeping them in my body. I can handle getting sick with meals, I've had similar problems at times in the past (though not to the same extent), but I cannot handle... well, anything without my meds. I've also been kind of sporadic in remembering to take them because my schedule is so out of wack, and adding in the illness, I was getting kind of worried. But the day before yesterday, it seemed to calm down and I've been fine since then. Yay!
...and I cannot deny it any longer. My face and the insides of my ears and throat are ITCHING LIKE A MOFO. I AM GOING INSANE. Sure, I can itch my face, but I cannot itch my THROAT, much less the inside of my EARS. Oh, god. Someone kill me. Seriously.

At least this year I have long nails to scratch my face... in previous years, I had short nails. Very, very short nails. Shorter than short. Because you can't exactly have long nails (or ANY nails) when you knead pizza dough nearly every day.

Oh, there goes the inside of my nose. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO ITCH THE INSIDE OF MY NOSE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE I'M DOING SOMETHING INCREDIBLY NASTY?! I can't. It is IMPOSSIBLE. The best I can do is pinch it, and that does not help very much. At least I keep sneezing, that's... um... totally bringing the itching to my attention, never mind. It doesn't help at ALL, dammit.

...I wonder if it would be better if Katie and I closed our window? But then I'd explode from the heat... oh, god, which is the better of two evils?
I'd forgotten about this part of hay fever. Oh, god, the itchiness. All over. This morning was the first day it was really, really noticeable. I could not stop scratching. At first I thought it was that I was all sweaty, or something about living in the dorms... hell, even that I was dirty or getting a rash or something disgusting.

But no. In French class, I sneezed and realized it was just hay fever season. Hay fever season and my doctor is an hour and a half away and I can't get there until like OCTOBER. Why me?

We have to leave the window in our room open, too, because the air conditioning doesn't work as well as we'd like. I'm fairly certain that's not going to help with the itching.

ETA: Anyone know a good over the counter anti-histamine that won't make you sleepy? I have two bottles of allergy medication on my dresser right now, but it's actually what my doctor told me to take as a sleep aid... It doesn't really work on my allergies, anyway. Not very well. It's always nasal sprays that help with the symptoms for me, nothing else does any good.
I have done what no doctor has dared to do! I have... diagnosed my syncope!

Look, I even remember the fancy word for my 'condition'. Syncope! Fainting! Don't be too shocked, because I've got more fancy words coming up. :D I will define them in parathesis afterwards because if I look back on this in a few weeks, I will have forgotten what the big words mean. Well, okay, at least hypotension.

I... have syncope... um, faint... probably for a mix of three medical reasons, with help from a certain kind of situation. Actually, I'm surprised it wasn't more obvious. ^-^; First of all, I have an arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat). It's not a problem, it runs in my family and doesn't require medication at all. Second, I'm probably hypoglycemic (low blood sugar). Thirdly, I just realized I verge on having hypotension (low blood pressure). At the doctor's office, I average something like 90/60, which is the lowest you can have and still be within the normal range.

I forget why I started looking at this--I think it had to do with my medication and a commercial on television saying that people with hypotension are chronically sleepy, which I am and so I just wondered--but when I was looking up hypotension, I saw that it can cause syncope, which made me look into that... I've always been incredibly curious about it, but I never got around to researching.

Facts, facts, I love my precious facts--also known as shamelessly copy/pasting )

And this relates to me how? )

Also, I am strangely compelled to list sources, but this is just for my own personal use, so I'm resisting the urge. Also, I already closed out most of the windows and I am not searching for them all again.

And just for laughs, a list of terms I came across that I did NOT have to look up )

It's odd how that that medical terminology I had to learn for my phlebotomy class comes in handy for the stupidest things. Um, there were other terms I didn't list because I figured they were common knowledge and thus no one would be surprised that I didn't have to look them up.

Now I have to GO TO SLEEP because I have to get up at seven in the morning and I've been half asleep since ten already. This entry took fifty-one minutes to write--it's now 1:11 in the morning. I'm sure I made a glaring mistake in it somewhere (I usually do), but I will look it over before church tomorrow.
ikarit: (sakura/ defeat)
( Jun. 7th, 2005 02:46 pm)
WHY do I listen to my doctor? When he wanted me to go to the neurologist to have him check up on my headaches, I was all for it, but now that I've went and gotten medication for my headaches, I'm not so happy.

I'm having a really bad reaction to the stuff the neurologist gave me. I feel... heavy, and clumsy, and I'm so nauseous... and even though I was supposed to take it when I felt a headache coming on, to help with the headache... it actually seems to have made it worse, and my neck is killing me too.

Can't walk, can't move, and I'm fighting the urge to throw up as I type this because it's wayyy too much movement than my body wants to be doing.

God, am so sick. *fighting the urge to gag and puke and ohgodohgodohgod*

It hurts. Make it stop.

I'm crying now.

I am never touching this... "Zomig" stuff again.
Jimmy's sick again! He had a really high fever on Friday, it was over 102 degrees Fahrenheit at one point... not sure what point it was at. Saturday he was much better, yesterday he was... okay... and today he's horrible again. Mom woke me up this morning to ask if I could take him to the doctor. I couldn't, but it was a good thing anyway. I'd set my alarm clock wrong and I needed to get up to go to the gym (I went early today because I had a doctor's appointment--neurologist!). It's too bad, because I'd really wanted to be the one to take him if Mom couldn't--I'd even offered to take him on Saturday!

So anyway, Brian took him instead, and it turns out that it's some kind of viral infection, and he has a low white blood cell count. They're going to draw more blood on Wednesday morning to see if his count has gone up... if it hasn't, they'll figure out what to do. In the meantime, he's supposed to rest and take it easy to get his white blood cell count up. Rest a lot.

He's spent basically the whole day watching tv covered in a blanket... if nothing else, that would be a huge giveaway that he's sick. It was in the high 80s today, and our air conditioner is broken. It was sweltering, and he was wearing a blanket! Poor baby. He just about broke my heart, too. I thought he was not being entirely serious, but Mom says I might be wrong...

While I was passing by the living room, Jimmy called me in, looking adorable serious and sick. "Jennie," he says, "I've got a dangerously low blood... blood..." "Not dangerously low, just low. And it's white blood cell count," I told him. He nodded, still looking serious. "Can people die from that?"

...can people die from that...

I tried not to laugh, I really did. Really! But I think I sort of failed. He didn't look upset, though. I told him that no, you can't, it's the illnesses you get from having a low white blood cell count that kills you. Like AIDS, I said, somewhat cheerfully. He nodded, still looking completely adorably serious. I told him he was fine. I started to walk away, but I looked back and he looked so sick and little... I ran back to give him a giant hug--NO I AM NOT AN ENABLER DON'T TALK TO ME!

Then he hit me up to go get him some decongestants and ibuprofen, which just goes to show that he uses any opportunity to get what he wants. Cutie! He'd hit me up for a Sprite earlier. I absolutely don't mind getting them (actually, I considered handing him the phone and telling him to call my cell whenever he needed anything, so he wouldn't have to shout across the house--not that he ever shouted, he waited until I came out to do something--but I didn't), but still, it's sneaky! I think he was just trying to play up his sickness in order to get me to do things for him, but Mom thinks he was serious. Oh, well. It's funny either way, except that if it's the latter, I have to worry that he thinks he might die. Which is, of course, less funny.

He got Mom to make a special trip just to get him ice cream, though, so I'm thinking he's just playing it up for all it's worth.