ikarit: (haruhi/ yummy)
( Aug. 14th, 2006 11:16 am)
Dad has narrowed our next-year-vacation down to Cancun or Curaçao. Probably. I'm leaning towards Cancun, because one of the three resorts he's considering has free visits to Mayan ruins! Every day! He said he figured I'd go for that one, and it's the one he's leaning towards too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, but really, anywhere would be awesome.

I'm still taking walks every day, though since I've finally, finally got my sleep schedule under control, I've changed to taking walks in the morning rather than in the evening. I can do that now since I'm actually awake in the mornings! I'm also vaguely-kinda-sorta on a diet, assuming diet is being used incredibly loosely. This is because our grocery store is remodeling and Mom can't find the snack cakes anymore. She can, however, find the fruits and vegetables, so my only real options for snacks are things like bananas and cherries. Despite all this, I appear to have actually gained two pounds. Hm. I'm not all that worried about it, because it's not the weight that matters, it's the inches. Unfortunately I haven't lost any of those, but at least I haven't gained any!

Other than exercising and eating vaguely healthy, I've been in contact with the college, and I've both changed my major and scheduled my classes. I've got to take an accounting class, ugh. I also talked to some people in the Learning Center about my wrists. I have to have my doctor fill out a disabilities form and then they can work out what I'm going to need done. Definitely someone will have to take notes for me; I can type for an hour or so without too much pain, but writing is almost instantaneously excruciating. I guess because typing uses fingers more than wrists, and vice versa for writing. I'll be able to take quizzes and tests as long as they're just multiple choice or fill-in-the-blank, but I'll have to take any essay tests in the Learning Center with a scribe. It'll be incredibly frustrating, but I don't have a choice. Even if I could work through the pain, I still can't write fast enough to finish within time.

I also need two keyboarding classes for my major (which by the way, is Medical Administrative Assistant), but the one I needed for this quarter is full. Instead of waiting, I mentioned that I'm a good typist and my advisor gave me a name and a number to call to ask about testing out. It'll be a better option in several ways, but it costs $50 just to take the test, so I'm going to have to get an idea of how likely it is that I'll pass. I'm not sure how keyboarding is graded, but I do type "properly." I was up to 70 wpm in my ninth grade keyboarding class, and I'm a whole lot faster now than I was then. I'd say at least 100 wpm, but I've never timed myself so I could be way off. Maybe I should check on that... (ETA: 90 wpm with 90-100% accuracy without splints.)

I need to call about testing out today, and I also need to head over to the eye doctor to have my glasses adjusted. I mentioned a few weeks ago that my left eye was bothering me and I was wearing my glasses more, but it's been a few months and my eye hasn't gotten any better. At this point, I'm wearing glasses more than contacts and I hate wearing glasses. I'm going to talk to my regular doctor about my dry eyes to see what he says, and then assuming he can't do anything, I'll make an appointment with the eye doctor. But about my glasses, I've been really annoyed because while they fit, they don't sit on my nose the way I like and so I'm constantly straining my eyes. I haven't had eye strain this bad in years. I'm not sure if it's that they're not sitting the way I like them, or I'm not used to wearing glasses, but I definitely need to have something done about my eyes. Even if I get the frames adjusted and get used to wearing them, I look just awful wearing them!
Someone should really, really inform authors that "nether regions" is a term that should never be used. Ever. There should be some kind of public service announcement. I see it once in a while and it makes me laugh out loud every time.

Thank god, usually it's not in smut fics. Smut authors generally use better terms than that, even if they are usually just as hysterically funny. Also speaking of smut authors, I've been coming across a rash of smut fics where the author uses "c*ck" instead of "cock." How is that any better? I'm not being rhetorical, I'd seriously like to know.

Segueing onto a completely different topic, it seems that having my little breakdown the other day was what I needed to kick my ass into gear. I've decided that I am going to Rhodes State this fall and I've picked a major. I've got to go to the Office of Admissions on Monday to deal with a few things, and I think I'll actually do it.

I also might reschedule that doctor's appointment I've put off since, oh, early June. My wrists are really bad again, and I'm worried how difficult it will be for me to take notes in class. Typing isn't too bad because the splints help, but that doesn't work with writing. My wrists cramp up after five or ten minutes when I'm writing normally. The speed at which I'd need to write notes would be absolutely impossible, and that will be a huge problem.

But I am really excited about school (well, kind of) and also because my dad told me about our vacation plans for next summer! After he and Mom went to Florida in the spring, he decided that our family needed one last family trip before... well, I guess before Brian and I move out? He wants a last hurrah, I guess. Anyway, for the first time in our lives, it's going to be a major trip. He's not sure where we're going yet, but so far he's tossed out Jamaica, the Virgin Islands and the Bahamas as ideas.

My new goal in life is to lose enough weight to look good in a bikini by next June. And maybe to get tan. And probably have long hair, but I'm only including that because I've wanted long hair since I got it cut short. In 2004, don't ask why I haven't tried to grow it out because it's a long story. If you can't tell, I'm a little bit hyper. I can't help it, I'm excited! I've never flown in a plane, I've never been out of the country, and I haven't been to the ocean since I was about twelve years old. I'm gonna be fixing all three things at once. *glee*
Really, really emotional (depressed) confessions )

Er, hahaha, this is really kind of ridiculous after that drama, but Netta tagged me for a meme. Some of her responses made me think of similar, yet different quirks in myself. So I'm... going to do it. Um.

rules: if you're tagged you must list 6 random facts about yourself, then tag 6 people to do this meme.

1) I have a terrible memory. Really, absolutely awful. However, I never have any trouble remembering where I, or anyone else I'm with, parked a car.

2) I'm a speed reader, but I have to skim read if I don't want to get distracted by pretty phrasing. When that happens, I can read the same paragraph twenty times in a row.

3) I'm double-jointed. I can touch my elbows both in front and behind my back.

4) I don't like live shows or performances by people I know. I'm fine when it's recorded, but something about live shows makes me extremely uncomfortable.

5) I listen to music for the beat and the sound of the voices. The actual words are indistinct. I couldn't tell you more than a few words of any of my favorite songs, because that's not what I listen to.

6) I have the potential to be just as talented athletically as my brothers are, I'm just lazy, uncoordinated and unmotivated. I'm also scared of being hit with most athletic equipment, mostly because I've been hit with most athletic equipment.

Annnnd I'm not going to tag anyone. I don't do tagging.
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It's so like me to find a fandom two or three years after the series is over.

That is to say that I've finally gotten around to Hikaru no Go and I'm in love. Again. It's almost too typical, practically my cliché! Gah.

I've got the first six volumes of the manga, and I just finished watching episode 69. I took a long break right after Hikaru made pro just because I knew what was coming up and I didn't want to see it.

...as evidenced by how I started babbling hysterically at people when I finally gave in and continued watching. Episodes 60+ hurt so bad. I felt like my heart had been ripped out! Gah, it's so not fair.

Good thing that was Sunday, because I was babbling dramatically (shut up, I can babble dramatically, it's not mutually exclusive, it's not!) at Netta and Nathan until I got it out of my system. If I hadn't gotten it out of my system, there'd be a three page entry about the tragedy and emo pain.

Oh, the emo pain. Er, yeah. Hahahaha. ^-^;

There's a lot of things I want to see in fanfic, but they haven't been written. It's almost enough to make me want to write myself, except after six volumes of manga and nearly seventy episodes of the anime, I still have no idea what the point of Go actually is. Something about territories? Whatever. I can't bring myself to actually consider writing if I don't know a single thing about the game.

...

I love my Political Science class. From now on, whenever I need to study I can just hit up Netta for the information. This Israel/Palestine unit is going to rock. I've already got all the information I could possibly need for the election assignment I need to do next Monday. Actually, I probably have too much information. I somehow think my professor isn't really going to want to hear about the "wtf parties," as Netta called them...

...

And you know, when I start to lose feeling in my fingers, it kind of makes me wonder whether leaving the window open all day was really a good idea. But seriously, I'm sick of sweating to death at night. Hopefully now my room won't turn into a SAUNA when I'm trying to sleep!

Instead, it will turn into an icebox. :D Definitely an improvement!
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Busy, busy weekend! I didn't manage to do half of the things I was planning accomplish. It figures that the only tasks I managed to complete were the ones that really, in the long run, are pretty insignificant. I ran a bunch of errands on Friday; I went to the chiropractor because my back started hurting again, I ran to a few stores to take a look at futon prices (for my apartment next year), I picked up my W2 form from Penney's (why they didn't mail it out, I will never know) and I got my hair cut.

I have bangs now! I had little straggly hairs around my face that were driving me nuts--they weren't long enough to tuck behind my ears and too long to hide--so I asked the hairdresser for advice on getting bangs, and so now I have bangs. There are mixed reactions. Mom claims to love my hair, my dad and brothers were pretty ambivalent, and Tiffi didn't like them at all. I haven't really seen anyone else, so that's all the opinions I've gotten. As to my own opinion... I think they're different. I like them. I'm not going to keep them, since the whole point of getting them was just so I could grow them out, so it really doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other. I've had many, many worse hairstyles. It is giving me opportunities to try out different ways to fix up my hair. I've been doing a zig-zag part that's pretty cute.

Other than that, the only other thing I got done was to play poker last night with a bunch of people Tiffi introduced me to. It was fun, although I'm not very familiar with poker in the first place, and they were playing a version I'm not familiar with at all. I played one game and that was it. I managed to stay in for a while just because I kept folding, but I eventually got bored of being completely confused so I went all in and lost. Whew! It was kind of a relief, since I hate feeling ignorant. Still, I'm going to try playing online and familiarize myself with the game because there's a poker game every Saturday. If I knew what I was doing, I'd probably have had a lot of fun!

I really need to study for an exam I have tomorrow. I'm way behind in that class, and if I don't study my ass off, I'm going to bomb it. Really, really bomb it. That was one of the things I was planning to do this weekend. The other things were filling out all the scholarship applications I printed out on Friday (because I needed information from my parents and my grandfather), and the last thing was to work on my rental application (since I need Dad for that one). Argh! Oh well, I'm coming home next weekend and I've still got time.
It feels so weird to start yet another entry by announcing, "hey, I'm home again!" It's just as odd as starting entries that begin, "hey, I'm back at school!" I switch back and forth so often that the sheer repetitiveness of announcing my location makes me want to stick in one place! I would even go so far as to actually do that--except if I had to choose a place to stick, it'd be at home and that's not exactly a possibility. I'm certainly not cutting back on home visits, since they're the only time I really feel like myself. At school, I'm so attached to my computer and my room, hardly ever leaving except to go to classes and occasionally forcing myself to go grocery shopping. I suppose that's exactly how I used to be at home, a few years ago. Now, I spend my weekends trying to fit in as many activities as possible.

As time passes, it feels like family and friends are more and more important to me. Tonight, I went to one of Jimmy's indoor soccer games. I believe it's the third or fourth one I've been to. In the fall, I went to several of his junior varsity games. I never would've voluntarily gone to one of my brothers' soccer games a few years ago; if they ever managed to coerce me into attending one game, I'd only agree because the general expectation was one game a year. My brothers play soccer year-round--both of them! Usually, they'll both have one game a week, sometimes more often. I was a really unsupportive sister. Even if I'm not a sports fan, I should have at least shown some interest in my brothers, especially since soccer is the only sport I know how to play! (I only know because I played soccer for three years, in elementary and middle school.) I'm just glad that I realized I wanted to support them before Brian graduated high school and stopped playing--I went to as many of his senior varsity games as I could manage to attend. It probably didn't mean as much to him as it means to Jimmy, though. Jimmy doesn't express undue excitement when I go, but he has always asked me to come to his games, and often tried to order me to go.

I'm getting off subject. I was really planning on writing this entry about how my personality is so different at home than it is at school, not how I've grown up in the past few years. With my family and old friends from high school, I'm actually somewhat witty and very sarcastic. I've never been incredibly funny, but I can make people laugh part of the time. When I'm with my roommates or college acquaintances, I have to try really hard to be amusing, and my jokes or sarcastic remarks always fall flat. At home, my family gets so sick of hearing me talk, but I never run out of things to talk about. I'm a real babbler. Up at school, I'm fairly sure everything believes me to be one of the quietest people to ever exist. It's not as if I intend any of this, it's just incredibly hard for me to open up to anyone I'm not close to, and I haven't met anyone at school whose presence I can feel comfortable in.

It shouldn't matter to me what my roommates think of my social life, but it does. I'm not bothered enough to force myself to have one, but it still bothers me. My social life--all of my admittedly very tiny social life--is at home. Mostly, I love spending time with all the members of my family, but I have been meeting up with Tiffi every weekend I'm at home. This weekend, we're meeting up at her new place on Saturday evening, and then going to play poker at the house of a friend of hers. I was supposed to go last month, if anyone remembers, but I started feeling queasy and I backed out. Tiffi laid a huge guilt trip on me for that one. Still, I refuse to back out this time! I hear there's cute guys, so I really have everything to look forward to. I love seeing cute guys. XD

I haven't spoken to Angie in months. Since last November, I think. I probably posted about it, but since I don't remember, I can't expect anyone else to be. Angie was my best friend, but I decided it was too emotionally upsetting to try to be best friends with someone who saw me as a best friend for the sake of convenience. So she went from being my best friend to being... not a friends, without one angry or unhappy word being spoken. Oh, after the last incident, I left her a voicemail message saying I was sick of being treated like I didn't matter, but that's it. I told her I wasn't going to try anymore, that I'd call her and I didn't want to deal with her. And... that was it. I don't really even miss her. I miss what she represented, but Angie is a person, not a representation. I just... have a niggling urge to try again. I want friends, and Angie and I were best friends since fifth grade so she's just always been there for nearly as long as I can remember, so it wouldn't be hard to make up with her, but... if she really care, she'd call me, wouldn't she? Starting last summer, we spent four months without speaking to one another once. Not once. We hadn't even fought, I was just upset with her and didn't call her, and she never called me to apologize, so we just didn't talk. The only reason we started speaking again is because her fiancé ended their engagement and she needed a best friend to cry to. That's not friendship. If I did call her, try to talk it out with her (keeping in mind that I don't particularly miss her very much, just aspects of the friendship I had with her), who's to say it would even work? After that teary phone call, we managed to keep talking to one another for three weeks, and then we stopped speaking again.

I always heard that lifelong best friends grow apart, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Angie was the person I saw new movies with, even if we had different tastes in movies, we both loved movies and that's what was important. She was the one I went shopping with, and she was the one I gossiped with. Tiffi has a lot of the same tastes as me, but we don't have the same sort of understanding of one another as Angie and I did. When someone is your best friend for half your life, there's an instinctual understanding that can only be achieved when you know someone for that long! I don't know if I'll ever have that again, because when I was that young, it was easy for me to make friends. Now? I haven't made any real new friends since, I'm fairly sure, my junior year of high school. I was seventeen/eighteen then and I'm nearly twenty-two now, so that's a good four years.

It's probably amusing to anyone with a wry sense of humor that in the same entry I discuss my deteriorating social skills and my ruined friendship, I also announce that I'm making my journal public again. I agonized over it for weeks, thinking it was really capricious, but in the end, it's what I want and the most logical choice. I probably shouldn't have gone friends only in the first place. So! From now on, my entries will be public. Eventually I'll probably go back and unlock past entries, but I don't know when I'll decide to do that or how many I'll do before I get bored.

Also, one last thing: please pray for my soul. I have a million forms to fill out ASAP: nearly a dozen scholarship applications and one utterly perplexing rental application/lease agreement (with comes with pages upon pages of (un)explanatory material and one receipt that may or may not need filling in). I knew I'd avoided these sorts of things for a reason. omg i'm going to spontaneously combust from essay bullshitting.
ikarit: (soukan/ zen not for the trigger happy)
( Feb. 7th, 2006 10:36 am)
Okay, I'm really desperate. For my history seminar class, I have to read several books on my research topic before Thursday, and I have to find reviews for them. The professor recommended something called "JStore," which he said could be found with an online search. Yeah... I haven't had any luck.

Has anyone heard of it before? Or if not, does anyone know a place to find good scholarly book reviews for any kind of book? The best ones for my project aren't very recent, either. The first edition of one was in 1885! It's the best book I've found for my specific topic, though, so I've got to read it.

I would really appreciate it if anyone could give me any sort of help.

ETA: Wait, maybe I found it...

ETA 2: I did find it! Whoops, had the name wrong... it's JSTOR, not JStore. Never mind, I feel like an idiot, please just ignore this post.
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Well, the room looks very nice now. I got a lot of decorating done. My side, I think, is particularly nice. I've got a lot of pictures posted up, and some starry lights. I also bought some rugs, and that helped a lot. The added color really makes it seem more inviting. I took some pictures, so eventually I will be able to show what it looks like.

I ended up dropping one of my classes. I'm stressed, and it's only the third week of the semester. There's no way I could last the entire four months. Now that I've dropped a class, that puts me right where I was last semester, so hopefully it'll be okay. I still have the hardest class, but I got rid of one of the mildly hard classes. That, and I really didn't like the professor. She taught so randomly that it was hard for me to keep track of what we were supposed to be learning and doing. Plus, now I have no classes on Friday, so three day weekends every week! Woohoo!

I really don't have much else to say, I just felt like I should post since it's been over a week... maybe later!
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Last semester, I ended up doing very well despite slacking off halfway through. I got an A in Math, French and Astronomy, and a B+ in English. I didn't study at all for the finals, and I was so scared I'd bombed them. Ironically enough, English was the only class that didn't have a final and it's the only class that I didn't get an A. It didn't take long to realize why I'd gotten the B+.

I'd done really well in that class--in fact, The combined score on my first two papers was a 39/40, so that's not the problem. I don't know my grade on the final paper, but I could not have possibly done badly enough to bring my grade down to a B+. It was a good, well-researched paper. The only thing left that could have brought my grade down so much how often I missed class (part of the grade was based on in-class participation and writings). I could've had all As and a perfect 4.0 and I blew it because I couldn't get my goddamn lazy ass out of bed for an eight o'clock class twice a week. I wanted to shoot myself. I know a 3.845 GPA is nothing to scoff at, but I easily could have done better. I've never felt so disappointed in myself before.

So now I have a second chance, and it's going to be a lot harder. I'm not going to try to get all As (I doubt I could do it, with these harder classes), but I refuse to screw myself over again. I will keep up. I can't let myself do anything else.

Anyway, here's my schedule for this semester:

ANTH 2020 - Introduction to Archaeology
EEES 1010 - Physical Geology
HIST 1050 - World History to 1500 dropped
PSC 1710 - Current International Problems
HIST 2000 - Methods Seminar

First two are easy A classes (no homework or papers, only tests), the third and fourth will require a little work (a few papers and a presentation along with tests), and the last is a really hard one (four or five papers, one long research paper, in-depth class discussions and out-of-class readings). The hard class is really going to be difficult for me. I really hope I can keep up--I wouldn't take it except it's absolutely required for my major. *sigh* If I whine to anyone within the next four months about how I'm slacking off in that class, please kick me in the ass?
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Annnnnnd I'm back at school. Fudge. I arrived just after 2, had all my bags unloaded by 3, and after a quick trip to the bookstore, I was finished unpacking by 5. I'm not sure why, but I really like how I arranged everything. It seems much more homey than when I left. I need better storage space, though. Anyway, I'm back and moved it. Everything's settled, now I just have to wait for... classes. Yuck.

I felt a thrill when I parked my car in the dorm parking lot. No more stupid bus rides to parking lots on other campuses! I'm a sophomore now, and sophomores get to park on campus. This is great!

Hm, I think I'm going to go watch Firefly now. :D
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Into the home stretch! That is to say, I have one exam left tomorrow, but all my roomies are done and gone. That leaves me to clean up the suite and turn in the checkout sheet tomorrow, along with finishing up my packing, taking the exam, and trying to fit in a book buyback somewhere. I also wanted to do some checking on financial stuff, along with dropping my meal plan for next semester. Ack. Plus, my plans are to leave ASAP after I finish the exam, ideally within the hour. (That's my usual--go straight to pick up my car after my last class, load it up and then leave. It usually takes an hour.) And my exam is at 12:30. I dun think I'm gonna get all that done. Probably the book buyback and the money stuff will be sacrificed. Wah.

I'm not entire sure how I'm going to deal with the fridge defrost. The roomies left a bit of what I think is perishable food, so I just went ahead and threw it away right after the last one left. If they were hoping to get it back in January, well, oops. So not my fault.

If the PTB here at the dorms think I'm actually going to do the dusting they claim is required, they are sadly mistaken. I am not touching the dust bunnies under my desk, thank you very much. Most of them were there when I got here back in August, and considering we have to vacuum once a week or else suffer t3h dust bunnies of d00m, I'm staying far away from any dusting.

Oh, and my two exams so far have been... blah. Haven't done much studying, so I guess I should've really expected it, but that's just me. I'm slightly ashamed, but there's nothing much to be done about intrinsic parts of my personality, so I shall just live with it.

However! All of this is really nothing compared to the knowledge that by tomorrow evening... tomorrow, I will be home for a full three and a half weeks and nothing can change or delay it. Yes!
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I had another lovely weekend at home with my family. What is it about growing up that makes family so much more likeable?

I met up with Tiffi on Saturday evening, and we spent a few hours hanging out, first at Arby's (an old hangout, actually, which is why I picked it) and then at the mall. The evil girl got me to buy five new volumes of manga. I stopped buying manga, but did she care? No! Hmph. In any case, I finally finished Imadoki! and Gravitation up. Even better, when I went to the checkout, it turns out that they were having a Buy 4 Get 1 Free deal, so I spent another five minutes trying to figure out what I wanted free. I had a little trouble because I knew which series I wanted, but not what volumes I'd stopped at. In the end, I grabbed the fifth volume of Yuu Yuu Hakusho. Oh, and of course, she lent me all of her Saiyuki, which was the whole reason for meeting up with her in the first place.

I have one exam per day on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I really should be studying for my French exam (that's the one that's tomorrow), but I can't bring myself to do it yet. French is going to be the tricky one. I'll need to look over math and astronomy just to brush up, but I'm going to have to study for French if I want to do well, and I hate studying. I can count on one hand the number of times I have studied in my entire life.

That's really rather sad, but it's just the way I am. I figure there's plenty of time tonight, and the exam isn't until 12:30 tomorrow afternoon. Plenty of time! And apparently there's donuts and coffee down in the dorm lobby from 9pm until midnight every day this week! That's very exciting for me. I love donuts!

Oh, and before I left home to head back up here, I called my old manager at JCPenney just to schedule the training we'd talked about the last time I was home, on Thanksgiving break. We got that all set up, I'm training for an hour on Friday and then working for five hours after that. Gee, just what I wanted, to spend my Christmas break working! Oh, well. It was my own choice and the money would be really nice.
I know I complain a lot, but from now on, whenever I complain about headaches, someone slap me. Well, maybe. Sometimes they are really amazingly bad headaches. But not always, and usually--ANYWAY.

So, I've mentioned my neck and back pain sporadically, but I don't know if I've ever said just how bad it is. It's my left side, my neck, shoulder and upper back, and it occasionally radiates down to my hip and my foot. And... it's bad. I mean, really, really bad. Right now, I've had an ice back on my neck and shoulder for about four hours off and on, only taking it off to put it back into the freezer to refreeze, and the pain is just as bad the second I take it off.

I'm averaging 800mg of ibuprofen a day, occasionally more, and it doesn't help. At all. 800mg of ibuprofen a day brings the pain level down from excruciating to unbearable. (I rate pain as: kill-me-now, excruciating, unbearable, really bad, bad, pretty bad, and barely noticeable.) And I just read the label, and apparently you're only supposed to have 600mg in a 24-hour period. Um, yeah... if I go by a 24 hour day rather than a waking-to-sleep day, then I probably sometimes have way more than 600mg a day on a regular basis. Um, probably closer to 2000mg a day.

I don't even like taking painkillers. I'm not one of those people who takes them for little things. I'm not. I've had chronic migraines and tension headaches since I was in my pre-teens (I think I was diagnosed at 12 years old), and a few years ago, I decided I'd only take painkillers when the headaches were so bad I couldn't function--and considering that was after probably six or seven years of migraines and tension headaches, my idea of 'can't function' is probably radically different from everyone else's. I know it is, because most people can't fathom how bad a headache has to be before I'll take painkillers. I can take a shitload of pain. Hell, I've had people describe me as a masochist for that very reason (other reasons too, but irrelevant to this discussion).

And now--after hours of applying an ice pack and taking painkillers, the left side of my face feels funny. That's never happened before. I wonder if it's a new symptom of whatever's wrong with my back (at first it was just my neck and upper back, then my shoulder joined the fun, and then my hip and sometimes randomly my foot) or if it's because of the ice pack and painkillers. I wonder what taking that much ibuprofen over long periods of time will do to your body? I should really look into that. Or maybe buy different kinds of painkillers. Branch out, so to speak.

I really do think I've been taking too many painkillers. I bought a new bottle for school, and I've gone through half of it already. The bottle had 500 tablets of 200mg each, so I've had roughly 250 tablets worth 50,000mg of ibuprofen in the past three and a half months. And the first month or so, I didn't take that many, so the spread is pretty heavily slanted to within the past two months.

I should probably talk to my doctor about that. And my chiropractor. And... well, those are the only two doctors that would know anything about it. But having the left side of my face go numb is really kinda a mix between... scary and annoying.

And shit, I've gotta get back to the six page paper I've been working on for the past four hours. I'm almost done with page three, so that's three more to go! At this rate, I'm gonna be done at 11. Shit. And this is the first break I've taken!

ETA: Okay, I didn't mean to scare anyone. Perhaps 'numb' was not the best adjective choice. My face is not numb exactly, it just feels... weird. I don't know how to explain it, and numb seemed the best choice. And it's not sudden, my left side has been hurting since last April. I just didn't tell anyone until the summer, and didn't seek treatment until about two months ago. It's my own fault that I let it get this bad, but it's not sudden and it's not a medical emergency.

But thank you to anyone who was worried about me, it means a lot to me that anyone would care that I might be seriously hurt. I'm just an idiot, though. Sorry. ^-^; Really, really sorry. I feel so bad that I worried anyone.
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Hahahaa. SO, I spent the entirety of Thanksgiving break studiously not doing any of my homework. I'm incredibly proud of myself.

Or not. Onto fandom-type things!

What is it about crossovers that fascinates me so much? It's not just fanfiction, but television crossovers as well. The two Las Vegas/Crossing Jordan crossovers (one last season, and one earlier this season, I believe) had me bouncing off walls. If I find a well-written crossover it makes me four times happier than just a regular well-written fic. I wonder why that is?

I know it definitely has something to do with the introductions. When you have two series, there's the inevitable occasion of a character from one series meeting a character from another. "Wow," the fan thinks, "I've always wondered what would happen if Buffy Summers met Luke Skywalker!" (I haven't, but I'm sure someone somewhere has.) Two characters, familiar to you, but not to one another, meeting each other. That's absolutely interesting for me.

Then there's the settings. Throwing a character into a setting that's familiar to the READER, but not the character is something that you don't often come across in a non-crossover. Generally, the reader finds out about things as the character does. But the anticipation is so much greater when the reader can look forward to seeing a character in a particular place or situation

Hm, I'm sure everyone has a particular reason they either like or dislike crossovers, but I think that's why I love them. Speaking of, I'm gonna go look for some good crossovers right now. I've gotten myself in the mood!
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ikarit: (sakura/ omfg)
( Nov. 22nd, 2005 10:31 am)
I missed two English classes last week, and I came today to find out that there was an outline for a six page research paper due. A six page research paper I didn't even know we'd been assigned! *weep* I scribbled out a quick outline in class--not for credit, but because I'm leaving for Thanksgiving break in just over three hours, and there's a one page abstract for it due next Tuesday and I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A TOPIC.

Yeah, so I came up with a topic and a thesis and wrote out a quick outline to have the instructor check over. Then, right after class, I went to the library to grab some books to do my research over the break and found out that they had total crap books on my subject, so I did a quick complete and total subject change! Found a lot of books on the new subject. On the upside, it'll be easier to write. On the downside, I have no idea how I can turn this subject into any kind of thesis statement, but I'm gonna have to because I don't have time to go back and change it again before I leave. D:

Remind me to never, ever miss class again. Ever.
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I am very bad at updating my journal lately. I don't know what it is, it seems like life is going by so fast and it's so very hard for me to keep up! It's been a very stressful past few weeks.

Wednesday night brought some conversations I've been avoiding but knew would have to happen eventually. Katie invited me to have dinner with her bible study group. )

Oh, and Katie did indeed talk to her friend about having her teach us to knit. We're going to have lessons sometime soon, probably Wednesdays after their bible study group. I'm not sure how that's going to work out for me, as I don't go to their bible study group, but I haven't asked Katie about that yet because she seemed so excited about the timing of the lessons. *sigh* Still, I'm looking forward to it, even if I think I'll be horribly bad at it.

There are only a few weeks left of the semester, and most of next week is Thanksgiving break. My last final is on December 15th. I'm so anxious right now because it feels like there's a million things I have to do and I'm forgetting every single one of them. My head has been aching worse than ever. In math class this afternoon, it felt like my head was exploding. I seriously wondered if I was going to burst a blood vessel or something similar.

Katie and I are both desperately wanting to see Pride and Prejudice, the new one with Keira Knightley that just came out, but it's not in any of the theaters around here! There's a giant 16-screen cinema in the mall not five minutes away, but it's not showing it! Nor is anywhere within twenty miles of Toledo, and not in my hometown or hers. It's driving us nuts, especially me as I've been waiting for it to come out since I first heard of it, back at the beginning of this year. Until I figure out what do to about the whole thing, I've downloaded both the US and the UK trailers for the movie, and have taken to watching them over and over. It's kind of pathetic.

Earlier this week, I found out that I had nearly a hundred dollars on my school card I could use on any of the restaurants in the Student Union, and that if I didn't use them by the end of the semester, I'd lose them. I hadn't realized I could use them on those restaurants, and I'm just beside myself at my stupidity. There's going to be a lot of eating out before the semester ends. I'm down to $90. I had Pizza Hut for dinner yesterday and lunch today, and Katie asked if I wanted to grab something at 5. Maybe we'll have Chinese or hamburgers or something. There's some cool places in the SU. Ooh, and Starbucks! I've never had Starbucks before, my hometown doesn't have one.

My head's still bothering me, and I should really take a quick nap before dinner, but I just can't bring myself to.

ETA: Oh, and I've been thinking about something I discussed with Angie. She's always wanted to visit NYC and I love NYC, so I thought it would be neat if we went there sometime over the summer. If we bring along a few other people, it shouldn't be too horribly expensive. I did some checking really quickly, we can get a whole package with plane tickets and a hotel room for a week for around $500 per person (if we have four people). Not sure if it's a GOOD package, but I'll have to bring it up with Angie the next time I see her.

It was really amusing though, when we were talking about it. Angie's driven to Chicago twice at least, so she told me that she could drive in NYC because "they can't be that different, can they?" I was too surprised to say anything except that she couldn't. She said she thought she could. I couldn't figure out how to make her believe me, so I just told her that wasn't going to happen. I think I might've laughed. :/ She seemed kind of offended... but seriously, there's no way she could ever drive in NYC.
Why is it that just when I think I've decided on some aspect of my future, I find something that could lead me in a completely different direction? I'd decided that majoring in history was the path for me, with a possible double major or a minor in some as-yet unknown subject.

With that thought in mind, I went to to a majors fair yesterday. It was basically just a bunch of booths for different majors and programs. I walked around, declining to speak with anyone, just grabbing brochures from programs that seemed to be vaguely interesting.

I finally got around to looking at them just a bit ago, and one of the pamplets caught my eye: "The BA/MBA Program: A Five-Year-Plus Program in Foreign Languages and International Business." If I do it, I would have to change my major, completely reschedule for next semester and scrap any other plans I might have had.

If I do decide--which I probably won't, just to save myself the trouble--that I want to do it, then I'll also practically have to start over from scratch. The first part of the program requires a major in a foreign language (in my case, French, obviously) with a minor in business. Switching from a history major to a French major is not exactly the easiest transition. It will absolutely suck, in fact, especially since I'll have to go on to get my master's if I do the whole program. I've always sworn I'd never get a my master's, because I can't ever see myself really dedicating myself to my schoolwork like I would need to.

Speaking of French, I had another oral exam this morning. My partner (these exams are almost always partnered, what's with that?) and I met at 8:30 this morning to go over it in detail. It went well enough, though I made a stupid mistake and realized it even as I said it. I felt like stabbing myself in the head. I knew it was wrong, we'd gone over it a million times and I've never made that mistake before. I can't believe I did it. Oh, well. I got an A despite my mistake, and that's what's important.
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ikarit: (neji/ shine down)
( Nov. 2nd, 2005 05:20 pm)
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want--good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Gacked from [livejournal.com profile] houses7177!

In other news, I've been very constructive today. Emailed my academic advisor, which I've been putting off for over a month, and emailed the Office of Study Abroad, which I have not been putting off for any length of time. (Yesterday, Katie was discussing some country by Papua New Guinea, I'm assuming for missionary work, and that reminded me that I want to study abroad.) They're going to be mailing me information about that. I also spent a couple hours looking into the typical occupations of history majors.

Yes, very constructive day. :D Although I totally screwed up on my French exam. :(
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The chiropractor was right, I need to get my neck and back adjusted several times a week to fix the problem. It's two days later, and the pain is already nearly as bad as it was before. At least the worst part of the neck pain is still gone, but my shoulder is actually worse, and my head and neck making me dizzy. It's odd, I spent over half a year living with the pain, only occasionally considering that I should get it fixed, but two days of pain-free living and I can't go back to having the pain anymore.

A week from Saturday, I keep telling myself. A week from Saturday and I've got another appointment. God, I don't know how I'm going to last until winter break. This is agonizing, and that's after I took 400mg of ibuprofen!

It didn't help that I got my astronomy exam back today. The professor said "Great job," when he handed it to me, but I was incredibly disappointed with myself. 86%! I can do better than that, especially when I saw some of the simple, stupid mistakes I made. It wasn't a hard test! I shouldn't have let the stress get to me. I was doing so well, and then... I just got lazy. But it's one grade, I'm back in the mindset again. I'll do better from now on, and I won't let myself get stressed anymore.
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I'm really getting sloppy with my schoolwork. I waited until the last minute to do my French homework, and ended up doing the wrong chapters. I didn't realize it until I got to class, either. No use crying over spilled milk, though. I managed to do a bit of studying for my Astronomy exam, but I don't think I'll get an A.

A few months ago, [livejournal.com profile] cowgirled linked some torrents for Gundam Seed, and I just now got around to watching the first few episodes. It wasn't laziness, first it was because I was still at home with my slower connection and my really bad computer. Not only that, but it was shortly before I was supposed to move into the dorm, so it was totally pointless to download onto a computer that I wouldn't have access to in a short while, and off which it is very difficult to burn CDs. Then, at school, my computer had that freezing problem. Really, I started downloading the first moment it was possible for me, but so far I've only got the first four or five episodes. This morning, I watched the first three, and it seems pretty good.

Well, good enough that I'm dying to watch more. I was almost late to class because I wanted to watch just one more, and then I almost decided to wait to drive home, to watch just one more, and seriously considered not coming home at all to finish watching all the ones I've got so far. I'm not madly obsessed with it, but I'm definitely very intrigued. I can't wait for Sunday, to finish watching.

Usually, when I start watching a series, I have to seriously remind myself to keep watching it. It takes me a while to really get into a series, so to speak. For example, my favorite series to date, Naruto! I hated it at first, thought it was disgusting and stupid. I forced myself to watch the first sixteen episodes or so just because I'd heard it was that good, and then I couldn't take it anymore. At that point, I'd already downloaded the first fifty episodes, so I burned them to CD and basically forgot about them. It wasn't until I had a fluke internet disconnection--I think after a thunderstorm--that I got so bored I decided to continue watching the series out of sheer boredom. It figured that it got good just after the point I stopped watching, and I was totally hooked by the time my internet came back. :D

So yeah, I think it's significant that I'm that interesting in continuing to watch the series. God only knows, however, how I'm going to get the rest of it. I don't know if I can FIND anymore of it. The torrent I'm downloading now is the first twenty-five episodes and I don't know anything beyond that. *crosses fingers* It'll be a while before I get through those, though. It took about... ah... god, definitely longer than two weeks to finish downloading even the episodes I have now. So it'll be a while before I'm finished. I don't have anything really to say about it, because nothing significant has really happened so far, but... I think I'll like it very much.

After I got home, I went to visit Grandma at the hospital. Dad suggested it, originally, because he and Mom couldn't go up there tonight because it's the last football game, so they want to see Jimmy in the band one last time. So it was Dad's idea, but I was delighted because I hadn't thought of it and I knew Grandma would be so happy if I did. I stayed for a few hours before coming home. It was... scary. Definitely pretty scary. I know she's going to be fine, and that she's just recovering, but she looks so... so... frail. Her lips are white, and her voice is soft and thready, and she seems so infirm and it's scary for me to see her like that. But she's fine, and... she's fine. She's an eighty year old woman who just had her kidney removed! She's doing about as well as is possible for someone in that situation. It's just that seeing her really drove in that she's... she's not always going to be there. But she's still here now, and that's what I need to be focusing on. She's absolutely fine.

I've got a chiropractor appointment tomorrow morning at 9:45. I'm dreading getting up that early, but living with the neck and back pain is just not acceptable anymore. I'm going to keep going back every time I come home until it's gone. It's interfering with my schoolwork, and my health, and I'm not going to put off getting it fixed any more.

I'm really exhausted, actually. It would be a good idea for me to go to bed in the next half hour, and it's been a really long day, so I'll probably end up doing that. Too bad, though, I haven't gotten to see Mom or Jim yet at all, because I left to go visit Grandma before they got home.
ikarit: (team seven/ angels they fell first)
( Oct. 26th, 2005 09:52 am)
I remembered at about 10:30 last night that I had a oral exam for French class scheduled at 9:30 this morning. A French exam taken outside of class, in my instructor's office. Thank God I remembered in time. Usually, if something has a specific time frame, and I forget about it, it's a sure thing I won't remember until after it's too late.

I was too wound up to study last night--the panic that surfaced when I remembered was overwhelming, so I decided to study this morning instead. I got up three hours before the exam, but it only took an hour of studying before I felt sure that I would get an A.

Next time I have something like this scheduled, I'm leaving post-its everywhere with reminders.

I do think I got that A, in case anyone was wondering! More than half the exam consisted of telling the instructor about my family (in French, of course), and we all know how much I love to do that, so it wasn't so bad at all. :)
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Wow, there was a lot more traffic than I expected for a late Tuesday afternoon. Through downtown, especially. Huh. And it wasn't uni students heading back, either.

I ran a few errands this morning, picked up some things (NAIL POLISH--blue with sparkles! I just finished putting it on) at the supermarket, then came home just in time to have that lunch with Mom. That is to say, she had lunch and I talked to her. Then I sat around for another hour or so until it was time to pick Jimmy up.

I seriously did only stay that long just so I could pick him up. It was worth it, though. I got a good-bye hug before I left for my efforts~! I love Jimmy-hugs. They're the best.

Got in at about 4:45, unpacked, sat around for a bit while removing my old nail polish, had dinner at 5:30, then went to drop off my car at the freshman parking lot. I got in at just the right time--close spot, and there was hardly anyone else there, so the bus didn't sit around for twenty minutes waiting for students. Heee.

Then I came back to my room and put on the blue sparkly nail polish. So pretty. @_@ *staring at nails*

I only had dinner an hour ago, but I'm already hungry again. I know I didn't eat much--yucky food, and they were out of a lot of stuff they weren't replacing because they were just about to close--but that's kind of ridiculous.

Maybe I'm just sick again. That would make more sense.
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ikarit: (naruto/ grown up orphans)
( Oct. 12th, 2005 05:32 pm)
1.) HA, grades are still on track. Today I found out the results of my second math and French midterm exams. In French, I managed a 99%! It was originally 98.75% because she thought I hadn't put both accents in stéréo, but that was because it touched the crossing of the t. They were both so there, and that boosted me up to a 99%. And in math, I did even better. Perfect score, baby! 100% all the way! XD I have no idea how that happened, especially since I missed a couple classes and never bothered to learn what they did those days. I totally expected that, because I am just that awesome!

I am so still on track for getting all As, just like I wanted. I've never done it before, but I'm halfway through the semester and I'm still not even close to getting a B in any of my classes. This is really helping my stress levels stay really far down. I haven't been so unstressed since... since... well, EVER. There was a brief moment two weeks ago that'd be why I missed those math classes, but all better now. :D

2.) Did I ever get around to saying anything about the two new roomies I got last month? My dorm room is a suite, so there's two bedrooms connected to a living room. Katie and I have one, and the the other two have the other one.

There's Roomie D, who's really nice and very friendly. She's also pretty talkative, incredibly funny and great to hang around with! I like her a lot. She's a pharmacy major, so she does a lot of studying. The one word that best describes Roomie D is: loud. Then there's Roomie S, who is also a pharmacy major and also spends a lot of time studying. She's really shy, but also very nice once she starts talking! She and Roomie D are just hilarious together; they constantly tease one another. The one word that best describes Roomie S is: quiet. Basically, Roomie D and Roomie S seem to be complete opposites!

All in all, I think I made out okay in the roomie lottery. Katie and I have our tense moments when our conflicting belief systems clash, but it hadn't affected our rooming situation negatively. We're very similar in our property and personal space issues. We do have completely opposite schedules, though. She's up at 6am every morning and asleep sometimes as early as 9pm, and I'm never up before 10am (when I have a choice) and I sometimes don't go to sleep until 3am. Still, it hasn't affected our rooming situation either! She can fall asleep with me still puttering around, and I can sleep through her morning routine.
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ikarit: (naruto/ towards your dream)
( Oct. 5th, 2005 10:43 pm)
BOOYAH. One five-page rhetorical analysis paper for English class, DONE. Two and a half hours flat. Victory!

I forgot about it until this afternoon. ;_; Oh, like that's a surprise... I had to stop this doing homework early thing SOMETIME. It's just not me. Less stressful, but not me. I will try to do better, though!
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ikarit: (Default)
( Sep. 28th, 2005 03:52 pm)
Two more exams down with nary a problem! I had trouble with Astronomy, but I still managed to pull a 90%, at least. And this afternoon was my French oral exam. We had to take it with a partner, but I'm not sure why that was really necessary. Mostly it was just individual questions, the only part we needed a partner for was a pretend phone conversation. My partner and I met up yesterday to work that out, so we did very well. We just had to memorize it! She tried to make it hard by only allowing minor notecards written in English, but if you write a short conversation out in French and memorize it, it is so much easier.

Something good did come out of working with an exam partner, though. He linked me to Facebook! L (my exercise buddy from over the summer, anyone remember?) has been urging me to join Facebook for ages, only she never told me what it was. I never asked, but that is not the point. So now I'm on Facebook. Maybe I'll get addicted, I heard it's addictive.

Actually, it is pretty neat. My cousin is on it, too, and so now I have a way to keep in contact with her regularly. And also a few friends from high school I haven't seen in years! There was no way I'd ever call them up and ask them to hang out, so it's nice to be able to just have a short little chat over the message system-thingie.

The only other thing of note worth mentioning is that my stomach appears to have settled down. I was getting kind of worried--for a while, I couldn't eat without getting sick. It started slowly enough, getting sick from certain foods in the dining hall, but last week I didn't eat there at all, and I was sick every day. I was just eating frozen dinners, something I've had a million times and I genuinely like, and it wouldn't be more than a half an hour after every single meal that I'd get sick. Didn't matter what I'd eaten, it wasn't staying.

My main worry was that I wouldn't be getting my meds--I take them with meals, so unless they're completely in the bloodstream within a half an hour, I wasn't keeping them in my body. I can handle getting sick with meals, I've had similar problems at times in the past (though not to the same extent), but I cannot handle... well, anything without my meds. I've also been kind of sporadic in remembering to take them because my schedule is so out of wack, and adding in the illness, I was getting kind of worried. But the day before yesterday, it seemed to calm down and I've been fine since then. Yay!
Anthropology 2020 - Introduction to Archaeology
French 1120 - Elementary French II
Earth, Ecological and Environmental Science 1010 - Physical Geology
Political Science 1710 - Current International Problems
History 2000 - Methods Seminar

Wheee, am very excited. More than half are sciences, because I need five for my gen ed requirements. After next semester, I'll only need two and I'm going to take them in Fall 2006. Then I will be free and clear of... um, mostly all my gen ed requirements, I think. At least university requirements. I might still need a few college requirements. (I think it is just bizarre that there are three levels of requirements I need to get to graduate: university, college and major.) I should be able to get the rest out of the way next fall.

I'm also thinking I need to do a double major in something, or at least a minor, definitely. Not sure which one, or which fields, but I've got some ideas. XD It would help if I had an idea about what I actually want to DO with my life, but I don't. Still, there's a kind of fair for that thing in November, so I'm going to check that out then. :D
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I finally got around to taking my computer to the information technologies center at the university here. Apparently they can't do anything everything, so I might end up having to take it to a computer repair shop ANYWAY. It figures.

I finally got my laptop working properly. Apparently the anti-virus program I had on here was total crap, because I used the anti-virus cd IT gave me for my desktop on my laptop, and yeah... lots of viruses. That would explain why it needed to be rebooted every five minutes, wouldn't it?

But all this time on my laptop has me regretting the fact that I asked Dad for a desktop instead of a laptop. In retrospect, that would've been the better choice. DAMMIT, I could just kick myself. *sigh* Oh, well, can't do anything about it now. I'm a bit too late to change my mind.

You know, at least I have this old laptop. And now that it works, that means I have two working computers here in my dorm, and one at home! I feel so special. Kind of.

Astronomy exam tomorrow, and I've barely studied. I know the material well enough that I just can't focus on it long enought to study. *scowl* It's all multiple choice, though, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I've learned the material as well as I hope I have.

School food sucks. Every single week I've been here, I've gotten sick at least one day a week from the food. DAMMIT, it hurts. As a first year student, I was required to get one of the larger meal plans, too, and I'm barely using it because it's constantly making me sick. Instead, I'm eating food I buy at the grocery store. Oh, god, it's enough of a waste of money to make me ILL. Oh, except I ALREADY AM.

ETA: My day wasn't all this bad. In my 8am English class, I got my 4 page paper back. 95%! Only one point off. *glee* And then right after that, I had an advising meeting and I scheduled all my classes for next semester and they're awesome! So I had a good morning, at least.
Finally was able to attend a meeting of the anime club. It was okay, though Lain was boring as boring can be, and I didn't entirely understand what was going on in Last Exile, and therefore was bored with that, too. But Saiyuki and Bleach! Two series I have wanted to see for a while!

Seeing Bleach animated was weird, but interesting. The first thing I noticed was that I was not expecting Rukia's voice to sound like that. Ichigo is very Ichigo, though. And Chad is definitely very Chad. Chizuru, Tatsuki and Orihime are fine, too. I didn't like the animation very much, either, and the way they switched between scenes. It was very jerky, it seemed like. I definitely like the manga better, but I won't mind watching more of the anime.

Augh, it's 11:30 already and I have to meet at parking lot 13 at 7:30 for the Habitat for Humanity project tomorrow morning. I am going to be so dead.

Oh, and I was right about my math exam. :) Missed two questions and ended up with a 96%. I could just kick myself... I should've gotten one of those missed questions right. I knew that stuff like the back of my hand, and I just... ugh, I don't know how I could've missed it. It's enough to make me want to scream. I have GOT to pay more attention to what I'm doing. Oh, well. I still did very well and my parents are ecstatic and I should be happy.
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First of all, why did no one point out that I'd misspelled odyssey in the subject of my last post? ;_; I just noticed it a minute ago and I feel like an idiot... I really do know how to spell it, seriously. My fingers just don't like me very much, and occasionally insist on arbitrarily substituting random letters instead of the one I want. Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just me?

Yesterday I had two exams (or midterms... but it's not mid term, so I don't think it's the proper choice), and I thought I did pretty well. It turns out that studying actually does help! Who'd a thought? *somewhat guilty smile* Math, I'm sure I'll get at least an A-, probably an A. *crosses fingers* For French, I thought maybe I'd get a B. I guessed on nearly all the True/False questions, and I knew I bombed la France d'outre-mer section. But we got them back today, and I did so much better than I thought.

Despite guessing on most of the True/False questions, I didn't miss one of them. I did bomb la France d'outre-mer like I thought, but it was only worth four points and I'd managed to guess one. The rest were all stupid little mistakes, missing an accent here and there, and forgetting to make a noun feminine instead of masculine. I could've just kicked myself--I know that stuff.

My score ended up being 95.75% before the bonus. With bonus, 98.75%. I got an A! Once I got over the shock, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. ♥ I called Dad right after I got out of class just to squeal about it. After he finished telling me how proud he was, he gave me more good news. My glasses and contacts are in, and he's going to be mailing them to me on Saturday. Wheeeee! Today is a very good day. :) I really hope that my math instructor has finished grading the exams before class tomorrow, I'm really anxious to see how I did.
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While I like being at school very, very much, there are certain downsides. For example, it has brought boredom to new heights. I get bored just as often as I do at home, but at least at home, I can go out and bug my brothers until they explode. Or bounce around my mom until I get her just as hyper and then bounce around together. Or best of all, I can walk outside, get in my car, and GO ANYWHERE I WANT.

Here, options one and two are related to option three--to do any of those things, I have to go outside (a process with can take up to five minutes, depending on elevator wait time), walk five minutes to the transportation center, wait an unspecified amount of time for a bus, take a seven minute bus ride to the other campus, get into the gated and fenced-in parking lot, find my car, and then get out through a different gate. Getting to my car can take up to a half an hour. THEN I can go anywhere I want. :D

I can't wait until next semester, when I will be able to park on this campus. Getting to my car will only take ten minutes--at the very most! That will just be awesome. As of this semester, mostly my car is just too much of a pain to bother with.

ETA: And apparently going to FF.N to relieve boredom is not a good idea, because I find things like this:

Hermane and Anakin Skywalker first mission by angeldevilgrl91
Hermane Skywalker just found out that she is gonna be a jedi Master and her brother Anakin is gonna her apprentice.will they survive there first mission without Master Obiwan or will they fall into a trap?


There are so many things wrong with that, but the first thing that comes to mind is Hermane? What is THAT, the feminine form of Herman? I'm going to gouge my eyes out now, kthxbai.
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ikarit: (Default)
( Sep. 13th, 2005 05:02 pm)
Oh, wow. I just spent over two hours studying for exams. This is a completely unprecidented event, and it needs to go down in the history books. Written in bold.

On the subject of the Naruto dub, this rant sums up my feelings, and it's really funny too. Plus, lots of cussing. I love me some swear words. <3

ETA: Okay, maybe not my feelings exactly, but I am in definite approval of any rant with lots of cussing, especially if I generally agree with it.
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ikarit: (kakashi/ your loss is my gain)
( Sep. 1st, 2005 02:44 pm)
Uwaaahh... so many annoyances, so little time to complain about them all.

Classes are still going fine, and I'm hoping to start up with extracurricular activities soon. There's an anime club meeting tomorrow night (I am going to feel like SUCH a geek, there were only boys' names written down that I saw), and next week is an informational meeting for Habitat for Humanity. When I told Katie about it, she decided she wanted to go too. I've always wanted to get involved with Habitat for Humanity, it's such an amazing way to help out a community and families.

I was only going to complain in this entry, but now that I mentioned extracurricular activities, I have to squee about the Anthropology Society. No, I didn't join, although I really thought I might enjoy it. I won their raffle! There was a Student Activities Fair yesterday, and they had a raffle. This guy from the group totally caught me off guard and tried to sell me tickets. At first I said no, but then he pointed out the prizes and I was so in. The ticket was only a dollar, and I won! So it was worth it. I was the last name picked (ten winners) so I got a choice of three items, some woven potholders, a little carved giraffe that was REALLY beautiful and I was pained to turn down, and a decent sized coffee mug with a picture of an eagle. I needed a coffee mug, so I picked that one. I'd been drinking my cappucino in a plastic cup, and it wasn't working out so well.

Even though I've already used the mug twice, and I like it very much, I'm still sort of kicking myself for not picking the giraffe. It really was awesome... but knowing me, I'd have thrown it somewhere and never seen it again.

Um, back to complaints!

Information Technologies still isn't returning my calls about my computer, so that sucks a lot. My plan was to try to get them to help me until I got my refund, at which point I would promptly go to a computer repair shop instead. That's not exactly going to work out well, because I just got back from the Bursar's Office, and my refund check isn't getting mailed out until nearly the end of next month. Talk about a crushing blow... that's my only source of income for the next year, and as of tomorrow, I'll have about $60 to my name. $60 is not exactly going to last me a month (especially not with gas prices the way they are at the moment). Not unless I learn to really, really scrimp and save, and I don't think that's possible right now.

I called Dad and told him to ask Mom to cash in another one of my savings bonds, so I should have at least $100 to last out the month. I can live on $100 a month without... much pain. I won't be able to drive home whenever it pleases me, but I will be able to go home probably two times without worrying about how much money I will have left to live on. I'm not even sure I'll want to go home two times, but I know I'm at least going home next weekend. I have to pick up the refills for my prescriptions, it is not exactly an option to forgo that visit.

This also means I will be living with a computer that freezes constantly for almost an entire month. I was told the refund check would be mailed out around September 25th, so that is the very earliest I could possibly have it into a repair shop. That is not considering the time it will take to actually get to my mail box at my dorm, and then I will have to drive home to my bank to deposit it. So probably until October... I am not exactly a happy person at the moment.

The only way I could have it sooner is if I open a new checking and savings account at a new bank... there's one actually on campus, and I am almost positive that there's one in my hometown, too. It won't be as close to my home as the one I'm at now, but considering I will be living here for nine months out of the year, I think that is more important. I'll ask Mom for her opinion, since it's the bank she used to work at when I was a kid... I think she and Dad still have checking through it, too. I picked up some information pamplets they had on what their student accounts have.

My only real beef at the moment is that they only give you 50 free checks, and the bank I'm at now gave me 200 free checks. 200 is a lot more than 50, but... well, it is something to take into account, anyway.

ETA: Oh, and I forgot to mention that I've been taking the allergy meds that my mom gave me, and they work like a charm. Once in the morning, and I barely itch and sneeze at all! Or not at all, even! Those pills are a gift from God. <3
Back at school again! Drive up was fine, unpacking was fine (even if it's really hot outside), everything's fine.

Except that my computer's not fixed after all... Last night, I left it on all night long, downloading something, and when I checked it this morning, it was frozen again. Then before I left, it froze again when I wasn't downloading anything at all. It just figures. Brian had gone to work before I woke up, so I couldn't have him look at it... not that I thought he'd be able to do anything about it.

At least now I know that it's not anything with the temp files, because Brian totally cleaned those out for me. The computer isn't finding any problems at all.

I'll just wait until I get the refund check from my loan, and go out to find a computer repair shop. Hopefully they will be able to figure out what's going on.

Oh, and Jen's moving out of our suite. Complete surprise to me... I'm really sad about that. Hopefully we will still hang out sometimes, because I like her a lot. I'm closer to Jen than Katie, but I'm glad Jen is the one moving out because I don't want to have to deal with a new roommate. Two new suitemates is far preferable to that.
Update on my first week of classes! )

This morning Jen woke me up just after 9... to tell me that she'd locked herself out of her room when she went to take her shower. She was standing around in a towel while I got dressed and went down to the information desk to ask for a key for her. I was torn between amusement and empathy for her embarrassment... I can just imagine doing that in the future. But fortunately for me, I can just wait for Katie to come back and unlock the door. Jen doesn't have a roommate, so she didn't have that option.

For anyone who's wondering about how I'm dealing with my roommates after I spent so long complaining about them... yeah, I should've just kept my big mouth shut. We're all getting along great, and Jen's already a pretty good friend. I think I'm pretty lucky in my roommates, they're both nice and easygoing.

I will just die if Katie ever finds out I went around calling her "the psycho roomie". I will just DIE. I feel so horrible about that it isn't even funny. It certainly taught me not to label people before I even meet them! I learned new levels of feeling like the crappiest person alive.

Also, when someone has a dry erase board on their door, it would be really nice if other people didn't write rude remarks on it and steal their dry erase markers that they PAID FOR SEPARATELY BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE ONE THAT CAME WITH THE BOARD. Just a random observation, of course, and not at all from a personal experience of some kind.

In other news, Katie and I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and I bought a dry erase board to put on the door. I also got an extra dry erase marker because I wanted a nicer one than what came with the board.
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ikarit: (anipadme/ something beautiful)
( Aug. 23rd, 2005 10:58 am)
Urgh, 8am class... it wasn't so hard to wake up, I actually got up before my alarm even went of at 6. It was just... I didn't sleep so well, probably because I knew I had to get up, so now I'm a bit tired. I like the instructor for the class, though. Actually, so far, he's the best of the lot. I'm usually not critical of instructors, but my math instructor is kind of spacey or dorky or something, even if he's nice, and my astronomy professor is okay. He's older and he's got a vaguely German-sounding accent. He's not hard to understand at all, though. All that's left to go to is French (my first class is at noon today), and I think she's actually French. Hopefully I won't have any trouble understanding her. I'm usually pretty good with accents.

Still keeping up with schoolwork, too! I've already read the two things assigned in English this morning! I can't believe I've lasted this long... I'm very impressed with myself. (It's the little things, really, that make me happy.)

I guess the only thing that really struck me this morning was something completely unrelated to the early wake-up or the class itself, just that walking through the center of campus (called Centennial Mall), the part of campus renowned for its landscaping, I realized just how beautiful it really is here. I love it... Centennial Mall was definitely named one of the "100 most beautifully landscaped places in the country" for a reason. It's absolutely gorgeous.

ETA: Oh! Haha, I was watching the Today Show this morning, and no wonder my parents didn't want Brian going to Ohio University... it was rated #2 on the list of party schools, only behind Wisconsin or something!
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ikarit: (naruto/ sleepy head)
( Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:26 pm)
I am absolutely dead tired. I should probably go to bed right now, since I have to get up for my 8am class tomorrow, but I can't quite make myself do it yet. It's sort of ridiculous, because I can barely keep my eyes open.

Classes went okay, today. I love the campus, I love being here, and I think this semester is going to go really well. I did all my homework already, but who knows how long I'll keep that up? A long time, hopefully.

I called the school's computer help center, but all they told me to do was to reboot in safe mode, and then they hung up. Safe mode did not help... I'm vaguely annoyed about that. They didn't even let me ask my other question. I'll call back tomorrow... if they hang up on me again, I'll call again. And again. And again. Surely I will get some decent help at SOME point.

Perhaps I'm a bit naive...
Whee, so everyone's all moved in. Katie seems nice enough, and it's certainly good not to have a half-empty room. I definitely prefer a room full of stuff.

Classes start tomorrow... my first class isn't until 1pm, so I get to sleep in! Wheeeeeee!

Computer is under control, most likely will have to reformat, but I'm going to call the campus computer people when I get a chance, to see if they can help at all.

I've got a gigantic headache right now, so I'll just end the entry on that note. :D
So, I'm at school, in my dorm room, all moved in (mostly) and my family just left and eeeee, it's scary! Exciting, but scary.

Also... Jesus, this is one fast connection. I love school already.

Now it is time for me to get up my nerve, head to the Student Union and buy some books. :D Wish me luck~!
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I got the day off to a bad start... slept in until 1pm, and it wasn't even because I laid in bed an extra few hours. I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night, eventually I had to take some benedryl. I probably ended up going to sleep at 5am.

I freaked when I realized what time I'd woken up, because I have a whole list of things that need done today. Since we're leaving at 8am tomorrow, I won't have time to pack anything even if I am planning on getting up at 6am.

Today: DONE!
  • Clean room - It shines~!
  • Vacuum out car - I didn't know it was capable of being that clean...
  • Prescription refill - Got some last minute shopping in, too, for me and for Mom.
  • Pack laptop (and ethernet cable)
  • Email myself my bookmarked webpages - ...that was actually kind of complicated...
  • Ask Mom if I can take a microwaveable dish - Asked and received~!

    Things I Cannot Forget Tomorrow Morning:
  • Hairbrush
  • Glasses (& case)
  • Medications (all three of them)
  • My watch
  • CDs for car ride
  • Misc. (chapstick and menstrual pads)
  • Two flats of Dasani, one flat of Snapple

    Dad and I just finished packing all the boxes into the truck, except the one that isn't full yet. I'm leaving it open for last minute items. Otherwise... I am all set except for the things on those two lists!
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    I think it is a testament to my maturity that that I'm not totally freaking out and screaming, "IDONTWANNAGOICHANGEDMYMINDMOMMYSAVEME!!!"

    No, instead of being a ball of quivering anxiety and depression, I'm more looking forward to school than anything. Crippling anxiety, I have defeated thee! Well, okay, the meds may have helped a little, but whatever.

    This brings the score up to:
    Anxiety - 1,313
    Jennie - 1

    I will so catch up.
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    Why is it that I can find all the books I don't want to bring to school, but I can't find the one book I can't do without? It's ridiculous. I might be a klutz, I might be a ditz, I might be the messiest person I know, but I do not lose things. Period. Except... I did lose something. Something nearly impossible to lose, because it's always sitting right by my bed!

    How am I supposed to survive without "Pride and Prejudice"? Life is not life without a rereading of "Pride and Prejudice" every month or so!

    In just over 41 hours from now, I will be on my way to school. Eep!
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    So... it turns out that she's a grad student! So we have one 24 year old grad student (Jennifer--yes, same name as me), one 21 year old transfer freshman (me!) and one 18 year old freshman (Katie). Interesting mix, there. We're not sure if there's going to be anyone else... it's looking towards no, but there's still a chance. She's already moved in, so I got some info on the rooms, it answered some questions about what I need and don't need.

    I'm actually incredibly relieved that she's a grad student... like Katie and I, she's not going to know anyone because she went to a different school. She's older than me, which is nice because I was worried that I'd be stuck with two teenagers that might consider me old... and because I deal better with older girls than younger girls. Most of my friends from work are around her age.

    She's already moved in, and she says she's got a microwave and a full-size fridge already there, so I guess we're not going to be needing my microwave and little mini-fridge... less to haul up there, I suppose. And I don't have to worry lofting my bed up, because she says they're already lofted. I guess we'll see if I like that arrangement when I get there.

    ...also... why don't I have enough outlets to plug my speakers in? Because having not being able to listen to music is driving me bonkers.
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    ikarit: (sakura/ free)
    ( Jul. 26th, 2005 06:11 pm)
    I drove to Toledo today! And then all around Toledo! (The mall is AWESOME, and like five minutes from campus--Mom bought me a really cute pair of jeans!) And then I drove back home from Toledo!

    I'm so proud of myself. *^-^*
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    ikarit: (sakura/ omfg)
    ( Jul. 15th, 2005 02:12 pm)
    I caught Brian and Jimmy looking at a computer magazine. Brian was visibly excited, so I went in to see what was up.

    It turns out that while Dad told me he might get Brian and I computers, he told Brian TO ASK FOR HIS CREDIT CARD when he was ready to start building his computer!

    No wonder Brian was visibly excited. Usually "Brian excited" isn't much different from "Brian in a decently good mood," but he was obviously giddy.

    And what's more--while they were discussing this, Dad pretty much made it obvious there is practically no limit to how much we can spend. He pointed out a laptop to Brian that was 1,259.99! I know, that's not an incredible amount to spend on a computer, but it's about two or three times as much as I've ever considered spending on a computer, and a hell of a lot more they've ever spent on the family computers!

    So when Brian's friend Kiel comes home from Africa at the beginning of August (don't ask), he and Brian are getting together to build computers for themselves (Kiel is Brian's roommate too). And while they're at it, they're going to build one for me, too. ANYTHING I WANT, BABY. ANYTHING! I wouldn't want anything that would make it even reasonably close to 1,259.99, so that means anything!

    Excuse me while I go off to die of happiness.

    ETA: ...anything, apparently, except a new monitor, which I almost want more than I want a new computer. I just knew this was too good to be true. ;_;
    TR 8:00 - 9:15am
    English 1150 - Composition II: Language and Identity

    TWRF 12:00 - 12:50pm
    French 1110 - Elementary French I

    MWF 1:00 - 1:50am
    Math 1180 - Math for Liberal Arts

    MWF 2:00 - 2:50am
    Astronomy 1010 - Survey of Astronomy

    I wanted Japanese, but the class was full. If I really wanted to take it, I'd have to wait until next fall. I'd decided earlier in the week that if it came down to a choice, I'd take either Japanese or French. So French it is. I took four years in high school, but I elected not to try to test out of anything. It's been two years since I graduated, and I've forgotten everything but the basics. I do not want to test out by luck, and then be completely out of my element. Starting at the beginning will give me an edge, and hopefully the class will be easier for me than it otherwise would have been.

    That's all the math credit I need, so it's the only math class I'm going to be taking. :D I decided to get it over with as soon as possible. It's the same with science... I want to finish that as soon as possible, so I'm starting with that right away. I picked Astronomy because the only other science I like is earth sciences, and the only open classes were on Scott Park campus. Scott Park is a block and a half away, but you have to take a bus because it's too far to walk. I wanted to stick to the main campus at least this first semester.

    And then of course, English. No explanation needed there!

    I have room for one more class in my schedule, but four is still full time. After a bit of thought, I decided just to stick with four. I might be able to handle five classes just fine, but I also know that I don't want to have another breakdown. My advisor told me I could always add another class later if I chose to, and for a while I thought I might, but now I don't think so. I think I can handle it, but I'm not taking the chance that I can't. It's safest to ease back into college as slow as I can. If I do fine in the fall, then I'll take five classes in the spring. That seems best to me!

    And I know I've been rambling on and on about school for a while, and it's probably annoying everyone, but I'm really excited and I just need to talk about it to get my excitement out. And it also helps me think when I have everything typed out, so just bear with it for a while longer, okay?
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    ikarit: (anko/ she's a sweet & sour lady)
    ( Jul. 15th, 2005 09:52 am)
    I emailed my roommate last night. On the paper that was mailed to me, they only had her phone number, but when I was trying to figure out how to activate my UT email account, I found her email address accidentally. I felt really stupid emailing her, but it's better than having to call, anyway. Let's just hope she actually checks her email, huh?

    I'm going to the gym again this morning. In previous weeks, either Lindsay or I had to work in the mornings, so we only went once or twice a week. This week, we both have horrible hours, and the same for next week. So three times this week, and three times next week. I really like not working, but it's frustrating because I really, really need the money for school supplies.

    For weeks, I've had my bedding all picked out. It's really cute, candy pink and soft lime stuff. But we got a new catalog, and it turns out that that color scheme has been discontinued. It's the only one that has. They replaced it with hot pink and bright orange. What kind of substitution is THAT?! Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to find something new, huh?

    *sigh*

    I think I'll go with a blue instead... and once I have that, I can buy towels and things like that. Color coordinating doesn't really matter, of course, but it's not hurting anything. I don't have to worry about it now, anyway. I've still got over a month before I have to leave. I also found out last night that my move-in day is August 18th!

    Also, again, anyone who went away for college--where there any items you didn't expect to need? Regular everyday things you overlooked?

    [livejournal.com profile] ryokoblue said she was surprised how many hangers she needed when she went away... which was a huge help, because (for no apparent reason) I assumed hangers would be provided. I'm not too bright, okay? I need any help you can give me!
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    Weeelll, Dad and I drove up to the university this morning. I got up to get ready at 5:45! I am very, very tired right now.

    I got a lot done today. First, I registered for classes. The appointment was for 10, but we got to the university at about 9:15, so I got in early. I was all done by 10:20, and we went on to see a financial aid advisor. Talked to her for a while, was informed that I can use my loan money for whatever I want--there's about $3225 left over after tuition and room and board. She said we had to decide whether to accept that much, or to reduce the amount of the loan to just what was needed.

    I was planning on looking for a job on campus, but the financial aid advisor also said that my grades from fall semester are going to be crucial for any scholarships I want to be considered for next year. When Dad heard that, he decided that I shouldn't work my first semester, and focus solely on school. Even Mom agreed when he told her about it, so I guess I'm not going to work. If I do, it will only be very little, because otherwise I will get yelled at.

    Considering they've made me have a job since I was 15 1/2, I'm sort of stunned.

    Anyway, Dad and I discussed it, and I came home and did a little math... if I take out $1000 for books, and estimate general monthly expenses, I'd have roughly $365 left over. We agreed that I'm not going to reduce the loan--any extra money I have at the end of the year will be put in my savings and used next year, when I will have to get a different loan (this one is only for this year).

    After that, I got my student ID card. I got a decent picture! My smile is really fake, but it looks more like I'm amused than anything, which is an improvement over my student ID from my previous school. In that one, I looked dead. Dead and rotting. I also got a few other forms signed that needed to be signed, and tra-la! All done, I am completely ready for school.

    The only thing I have to do, possibly, is go to the Bursar's Office and have some of the extra money from my loan transferred onto my student ID card (it's sort of like a debit card, too, only it's just good on campus--called a RocketCard). That's what I'll use to buy my books and such.

    Whee! Now to focus on getting things ready on my end... I've got a list of things I need to buy for my dorm room... and Dad just told me I'd be needing detergent and stuff for laundry, too! Damn, I didn't even think of that... another thing to add to my list, I guess.

    Speaking of my to-buy list, I have a question for anyone on my flist who has lived in a college dorm--can you think of anything I will need, but that I probably haven't thought of? What were some things you needed that surprised you?

    Please forgive the really awkward phrasing--I am incredibly tired and in no condition to be eloquent. Damn, work is going to suck tonight. I really wish I'd had time to ask it off.

    Oh! And in very good news, Dad pretty much flat-out told me he and Mom are probably going to buy Brian and I computers. He said it wasn't certain, but that because they weren't helping out money-wise for school at all, they might do that for us. That'd be really nice, because I'm strapped for cash as it is, and I really need a new computer. This one is... dying.
    Tags:
    ikarit: (cross and candles)
    ( Jul. 6th, 2005 02:08 pm)
    Dear University of Toledo Bursar's Office,

    WHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO COME UP WITH $3,892.00 IN TWO WEEKS AND TWO DAYS?!?!

    Thank you very much,
    Jennifer W.

    P.S. - Hey, I got into the International House. That's pretty cool. :D :D :D Katheryn M, I hope you're a nice person. I don't want a mean roommate.

    P.P.S. - BUT SERIOUSLY, WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THAT MUCH MONEY?!?!?!

    ETA: If anyone was worried, which I somehow doubt, then I'm happy to report that Daddy fixed everything when he came home from work! I love Daddy.

    ...I haven't called him Daddy for a very long time... I am such a suckup.
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    Brian came in my room last night to ask if my internet was really slow lately too. AHAHAHAHAHA. XD;;; Um.

    Kyou Kara Maou is at 71.5%! I don't care what they say, I'm finishing that download. They can just LIVE WITH THE SLOW INTERNET UNTIL THEN. In, er... completely unrelated news, I mean. Ha. Hahaha.

    I really, really, really need to make an appointment with the Financial Aid offices at UT. If I don't find another loan, I won't have enough money for school, and thus, will not be able to go to school when it starts. It starts August 17th.

    *whimper*

    Why is time going by so quickly?
    Tags:
    ...well, this sucks. I had a whole entry typed out--a very LONG entry--and my computer decides to screw up and even though I copied it, somehow it is gone and I have to rewrite the whole thing. Fat chance! You (few) people who read my livejournal will just have to live with a completely different entry. Possibly there will be similarities between the two entries, but possibly not! I'm sure you're all devastated.

    Don't be, the other entry was pretty sucky anyway. I wanted to preview it and see what needed changed, but the stupid thing wouldn't let me, so I guess maybe it's a blessing in disguise? Or not, since I really don't feel like writing a whole new entry, but whatever.

    So, I haven't been busy lately and I've got nothing to say, so that's why I haven't post for... ah... eight days? I have a new layout, if anyone cares. I was ready for a change. Well, that, and I really wanted pastels for spring. I've been in a pastel-y mood since I did all that planted and pruning. Actually, I'm still pruning occasionally. You're supposed to, you know. Prune. Even if stupid rabbits are eating all our petunias and stuff. Bastard rabbits. I suggested leaving Ginger out as a security system, but Mom and Dad mostly seemed to think I was joking.

    I wasn't.

    I haven't made any official decisions on school yet. I'm still worried I'm making the wrong choice--well, made the wrong choice. I'm still saying 'probably' and 'almost certainly' and 'most likely', but that's just for myself. I want to feel like I'm really still thinking about it, because I'm really seriously worried I'm making the wrong choice. It's a good thing, usually, that I make decisions so easily, but... sometimes, it's really not.

    I can't see myself doing anything BUT going back to school. I really enjoy school most of the time. I love learning and I like the atmosphere. Then... I think about the last time I was in school, the overwhelming despair and insecurity and depression, and I just worry. Last time, it was okay to fail. Not fun or a good thing, but it was OKAY. I had the money to cover it. Now... I won't. If I screw up, I will be financially SCREWED. Not to mention that I will probably fuck myself up mentally worse than I've EVER been, even back when I was suicidal, and might put myself years behind in recovery.

    Augh, I'm being so pessimistic. I think, really, that I'm just upset that I can't talk to anyone about this. Everyone says I'll make the right decision, and I'll be happy, and stuff like that... and that's good, but it doesn't help me. It upsets me, actually, because people always say that, and it almost never works out. Whenever anyone tells me it will be all right, my mind comes up with a million reasons it won't be all right. I need someone completely unconnected to the situation to talk to, like a therapist or something. I really want to go back to therapy, and just talk, but I can't afford to unless I go back to school, and that sort of ruins the whole purpose of talking to the therapist.

    I guess what has me really frustrated is that the one person I really need to support me in this is my biggest antagonist: my mom. Every time the topic comes up, this look of utter disapproval and disgust comes over her face, and she's so close-minded. She's never understood my interests or wishes, but... usually she at least succeeds in hiding her feelings. With this, she's radiating them and it's not helping. I don't even know what she wants from me, but I somehow doubt it's anything I would want so I haven't bothered to ask her.

    Basically, she's nearly single-handedly helping my depression gain a foothold again. Wow, isn't that special? I love my mother, but in times like this, it's better for my emotional well-being if I don't talk to her.

    In other news, I went to see Revenge of the Sith on Sunday. I did like it, although I hadn't really been looking forward to seeing it. I hate tragic stories and it really is tragic. It depressed me for days, as anyone who spoke to me on AIM can attest to.

    Oh, and I went to one of my cousins' gradution parties today. We weren't there for very long, because we didn't know anyone, but it was nice to see Isaac again. And it signaled the beginning of grad parties this year... I've got three cousins graduating along with my brother. It's a bit much, since there's never been more than one family member graduating at a time in the past. I'm comforted by the fact that Jimmy's the absolute youngest in our generation, and there's only one other in between him and Brian, so that's two more graduation parties in the future, and they're not in the same years. Yay!
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