Well, last week was bad. I was sick and my laptop never worked (I ended up returning the damn thing after I spent five hours over a period of two days talking to four different customer support technicians and they finally told me they couldn't fix the thing and to just return it, and a few emails with Amazon.com support later, I was told they didn't feel I should have it replaced and to just return it (which was really just them politely refusing to replace it because they didn't feel it was their problem), I had to pay $23 to ship it back, man, was I ever frustrated), and my desktop is messed up TOO, and a few other things that are minor in the long run but on top of everything else, really didn't help at all. By Friday, I was sick (again) and I went into work at JCPenney anyway because I'd called off on Monday and was there about two and a half hours before I couldn't take it anymore, went home to check to make sure they'd gotten my schedule right for THIS week (long story, it got switched around because of stuff at the bank) and found out that I wasn't scheduled to work that Friday ANYWAY. I'd gone into work sick when I wasn't even supposed to be working! And no one told me, and they made me jump through hoops when I wanted to go home sick! I was... so exhausted and miserable and probably the slightest thing would've set me into a sobbing fit by that point.

I'm really not joking. Just... stress. I was fine before, but even if I like the new job it's still stressful, and I'm still learning and it didn't take much to push me over. I'm still probably a crying jag waiting to happen, because this week is starting out worse than last week. After that bad week, I went to work at the bank Saturday morning, and then had the rest of the day to unwind from everything.

Saturday night (it was 2am, so technically Sunday), I was lying awake in bed because... well, I tend to do that. Insomniac and all. So, lying awake and my mom walks in to say my dad's really sick and in agonizing pain and she's rushing him to the emergency room. It being 2am and me not being really awake, I kinda agreed and once she was gone kinda freaked... It's good I didn't actually panic before they'd left, because I found out later Mom was barely holding it together.

Spent four or five hours in the hospital Sunday afternoon, during which Dad got a couple more tests done and we were told nothing except that it wasn't a heart attack before he got let go. Then yesterday, we found out that it was his gall bladder and he'd need surgery most probably, and I spent the afternoon (I was at work in the morning) driving him FROM and then back TO the hospital and running errands and then my grandparents came home from Florida, so two hours visiting.

And then sometime around 6:20 this morning, Mom woke me up to tell me that Dad was having another attack, and it was another trip to the emergency room, and then about two hours ago, I got a call saying he has to have surgery today, sometime between noon and 3, to have his gall bladder removed, so we'll see how that goes.

I've really got to take a shower so I'll be ready to go up there and wait when Mom calls to tell me when he's having the surgery exactly, but I feel like crap. My head is killing me.

Today's my day off. I was going to use it to do laundry and go shopping--Mom's birthday is tomorrow, and she really deserves a fantastic present, plus I have a good friend's college graduation party this Saturday and I need a present for that too. No more days off. The end of this week isn't looking too great either. Not sure how Dad's recovery time is going to be, or even how long he'll be in the hospital since we won't know until after he's had the surgery.

It's just... long two weeks, I'm betting. Very long. And so very stressful. And sometime as soon as possible I have to call Brian and get that information I still need to fix my desktop, which really needs fixing now that the laptop is gone. My head hurts. A lot.

Edit: Naturally, the minute I post this is the minute I get the phone call from Mom to say that Dad's just going into surgery and I have to get up there as soon as possible. Augh. Still no shower.
Someone should really, really inform authors that "nether regions" is a term that should never be used. Ever. There should be some kind of public service announcement. I see it once in a while and it makes me laugh out loud every time.

Thank god, usually it's not in smut fics. Smut authors generally use better terms than that, even if they are usually just as hysterically funny. Also speaking of smut authors, I've been coming across a rash of smut fics where the author uses "c*ck" instead of "cock." How is that any better? I'm not being rhetorical, I'd seriously like to know.

Segueing onto a completely different topic, it seems that having my little breakdown the other day was what I needed to kick my ass into gear. I've decided that I am going to Rhodes State this fall and I've picked a major. I've got to go to the Office of Admissions on Monday to deal with a few things, and I think I'll actually do it.

I also might reschedule that doctor's appointment I've put off since, oh, early June. My wrists are really bad again, and I'm worried how difficult it will be for me to take notes in class. Typing isn't too bad because the splints help, but that doesn't work with writing. My wrists cramp up after five or ten minutes when I'm writing normally. The speed at which I'd need to write notes would be absolutely impossible, and that will be a huge problem.

But I am really excited about school (well, kind of) and also because my dad told me about our vacation plans for next summer! After he and Mom went to Florida in the spring, he decided that our family needed one last family trip before... well, I guess before Brian and I move out? He wants a last hurrah, I guess. Anyway, for the first time in our lives, it's going to be a major trip. He's not sure where we're going yet, but so far he's tossed out Jamaica, the Virgin Islands and the Bahamas as ideas.

My new goal in life is to lose enough weight to look good in a bikini by next June. And maybe to get tan. And probably have long hair, but I'm only including that because I've wanted long hair since I got it cut short. In 2004, don't ask why I haven't tried to grow it out because it's a long story. If you can't tell, I'm a little bit hyper. I can't help it, I'm excited! I've never flown in a plane, I've never been out of the country, and I haven't been to the ocean since I was about twelve years old. I'm gonna be fixing all three things at once. *glee*
The worst part about being so pale and a klutz is that my legs generally look like patchwork quilts. Blue, purple, yellow and green against my super pale skin is very ugly. Hm, also maybe a sickening sort of brownish black? Still, patchwork quilt with really uneven blocks.

Plus, lately, I've had this thing where along with the bruises of all shapes and sizes, I get them in two tiny dots right beside each other. What's with that? I have no idea what's causing it. I've got two dots on the front of my right thigh, two dots on the back of my left thigh, and I had two dots on my left forearm, too, but they're mostly gone.

I never remember what I did to get the bruises, because I bump into stuff all the time and it's hard to keep track of half a dozen bumps a day. But two tiny dots? What in god's name could cause two tiny dots, and why in such varied places? Totally bizarre.

I guess I'm just annoyed because right now it's particularly bad. When I was younger, I never got bruises ever, but now I do and currently, I've got half a dozen on my left leg and at least three on my right, plus a few on my arms. Argh! One of the ones on my left leg is GIANT, too, and it's right under my knee.

I need to tan just so the bruises aren't so obvious.

I also need to start posting about all the anime and manga I've been going through. I have so much to say and yet, no words come. Prince of Tennis and Hunter x Hunter and Ouran High School Host Club and--...well, I think that's actually all, but I'm doing anime and manga both for all three of those series so it is actually a lot. Someone remind me to at least squee about Host Club sometime, because that series is just a breath of fresh air, and so very funny.
...okay, it's been what, a week? A week and a day? The only typing I've done is the two posts I've written and the occasional website url and other such things. I can't stand it anymore! I'm typing again and I'll see how it goes. It's not like I do a whole lot of typing anyway, and it was killing me to see entries and want to reply so badly but being unable. Yeah. If my wrists start to hurt more, I'll stop.

I'll stop for a bit, anyway.

So! Still not sure how much I'll be on MSN and AIM because I'm back at school for two days to take exams and I only have my crappy laptop. Why, oh why did the last episode of Ueki come out when I can't download it? It's like they're purposely trying to torture me.

But I shall survive, rly. Nothing can keep me down for long! Even if I can't continue downloading Prince of Tennis and Hunter x Hunter EITHER.

...zomg my life is hell until I get home tomorrow evening.
I went to the doctor this afternoon, finally, to have him check on my wrists as well as some other things.

In exchange, I'm now wearing super ugly wrist splits on both arms, and they're amusingly called "cock-up wrist splints". Im' not a big fan of puns, but really, it's just too easy to say "I'm wearing them because of a major cock-up," or maybe just laugh because, haha, cock-up. I'm such a child.

Really, though, they're ugly. So very ugly. It's kind of humiliating. I have to go out tonight, too--Mom's birthday is Sunday and we're having her birthday dinner tonight. Why? ;_; I'm still not used to them, especially since the "cock-up" part of the name refers to the way the splits position the hands: cocked up. Typing is awkward, and trying to learn how to use silverwear in a nice restaurant wearing these UGLY THINGS is not my idea of a good day.

Also, I'm still sticking with the whole "no typing" thing just because it's really fucking hard to type in these things. Plus, even with the splints, typing this entry is starting to wear on me.

Yeah, now it's starting to hurt again, so...

Oh! One last thing: typing really is difficult, so if there are any weird errors, please just ignore them. ;_; I think I got them all, but eh.
ikarit: (sakura/ defeat)
( Apr. 24th, 2006 10:44 pm)
Just wanted to note that I'm not going to be online (at least, not contactable) for the foreseeable future due to tendonitis flare-ups again. I'm fairly sure I've never posted about it, but I have complained about it to several people. Sometime in the spring of last year, my mother sent me to get four gallons of milk and I (in my eternal brilliance, wtf) didn't want to bother with a cart so I carried all four of them on my own. Two in each hand.

Um. Yeah, it's a huge grocery store, and I carried them all the way from the back to the cash register, and from the cash register out to my car. It started to hurt when I was about halfway to the cash register, but I don't quite understand the limits of my body so I just kept at it.

I'm not so smart.

Anyway, I had tendonitis in both wrists for a while after that, and it eventually went away, but I've had flare-ups ever since. This one is really quite bad and it's lasted a few days so far. Typing this entry is killing me. I wish I could say I'm smart enough to stay off the computer for a few days, but I can't manage it. I'm going to try as best I can, but...

Anyway, what I can do is avoid typing, so I'm going to be set away on all IM programs, make no comments or posts on livejournal, and absolutely no writing fics (not that I ever do that anyway). Basically, if it involves typing, I'm not going to be doing it.

If I do comment or get on MSN or AIM, please feel free to yell at me.

Oh, and before anyone says anything: yes, I'm going to make a doctor's appointment. This is probably not okay, and I read that if tendonitis lasts a year, it's chronic and difficult to--

shit no more typing ow sudden pain--
ikarit: (team seven/ wtf)
( Apr. 4th, 2006 03:58 am)
...what the hell.

So I've been staying up really late these days, usually going to bed at 4am and getting up at noon. Once, it was 5am. Today I slept until 3pm! Well, either as a coincidence or a consequence, I've had near-constant migraines, dizzy spells and intense exhaustion.

It's 4am now, and I've decided to just forgo sleep altogether tonight so that hopefully I'll be able to go to bed at a regular time tomorrow evening (tonight?). That will probably work.

I was expecting that since I'm not sleeping at all tonight, that my symptoms would get worse. I thought I'd barely be able to function tomorrow (today?). Instead, as the night has gone on I've started to feel better! What the hell? No, seriously. What the hell? After over a week of migraines, I'm suddenly pain-free! Or at least as pain-free as I ever get. The dizzy spells? Totally gone. And exhaustion? I'm not even tired!

This is kind of ridiculous, but I'm really, really not going to complain.
Nearly three years after my first and only pap smear, my doctor finally wore me down enough to get me to have a second one. It was supposed to be on Tuesday, but I missed the appointment because I was still sick. It was rescheduled for earlier this morning.

Suddenly, I think that I never want to have sex. Ever. Unless there's some sort of anesthetic involved, because ohshitOW.

Also, I'm never having another pap smear until after I've had sex, which I'm quite determined will be the other side of never.
On Friday morning, I went to the chiropractor again. It helped, but really not very much at all. I started to get worried that my plans to have my neck and back fixed before I go back to school in three weeks was... hopeless.

Then on Saturday morning, I had an orthopedic massage and I haven't been so pain-free since... I can't remember when. Oh, it still hurts a bit, but it's really nothing compared to how it was. The masseuse said that the left side of my torso was shorter than my right--my left shoulder lower than my right and my left leg shorter than my right. She said that sometimes when you damage a part of your body, it tries to compensate. The muscles on my left side weakened and tightened up while my right side got stronger to make up for it. That also explains why my left hip has slowly started to ache so badly. It was slowly being pushed out of place with the tightening of all the muscles on that side. I wasn't surprised, I'd had a sneaking feeling that my shoulders were uneven, and my legs too. I just didn't know exactly why or how to go about fixing it. I'm going to need the muscles in my left side stretched or something to that effect.

She said I should have at least a few more sessions, so my next one is on Thursday. That was the next time she was available. I'm really looking forward to it, because it's really nice. Feels great! Except when she's working on my nerves, but even that's not really bad because it feels so much better afterwards. Before I went, I nearly changed my mind because I thought it'd be really uncomfortable, but she was nice and it wasn't weird at all.

In other news, I started back at work on Friday night, and it sucks. I'm learning the new register while customers are having Christmas shopping frenzies, and since I'm not new exactly, I only got trained on the register and not any other part of the job. They stuck me right onto the floor and I've forgotten so much! The little details, the parts of the job that aren't done very much... I forgot them. Plus, they rearranged the entire department and changed it around completely. Not only am I trying to relearn everything I've forgotten and work with the new registers, I have to learn my way around the new arrangements. It's... very exhausting so far.

Not to mention that it's so busy that I don't have time to familiarize myself with anything. Oh, and the mean customers! It's so scary dealing with mean customers when I'm unsure of myself. Last night, a lady yelled at me because she'd been waiting in the fine jewelry department for twenty minutes and they still couldn't help her. I do not work in the fine jewelry department. I have absolutely zero control over what they do or do not do. She demanded that I get the watch she had on hold, which is impossible because it was behind the jewelry counter, and I'd get fired if I went back there. When I told her that she'd have to wait for them, she insisted that I go over and tell one of them to help her immediately. Um. Yeah, that wasn't happening. They were all busy. When I told her that I'd tell them she wanted help but that it would be a while because they were busy, she started yelling. -_- I was really not in the mood to deal with that. I was so frazzled I nearly combusted on the spot.

It was okay, though, because she left in a huff and the gentleman I helped next made a really nice comment about how he thought it was a season for cheerfulness. It made me smile and feel ever so much better. I liked him.
I promised [livejournal.com profile] mynuet that if I woke up today and my face still felt funny, I would go to the doctor. It doesn't, so I'm not going to go. I still have a doctor's appointment a week from Monday, so I'll be waiting until then.

I was curious, though, about what could be causing so much neck pain. So I googled it! And while I still have no idea what might be causing it--the onset seems to fit with muscle strain, but not for this length of time--I also saw something about diagnosing herniated disks that's really confusing me.

See, I read this article that says it's impossible to diagnose a herniated disk from only an x-ray, and when I went to the neurologist about the pain over the summer, he thought I might have a herniated disk. And to diagnose this, he made me get x-rays. Only x-rays. Now that seems a bit wrong to me... they said the x-rays came back normal, and I never thought I had a herniated disk in the first place, but now I feel that I made the correct decision not to go back to that neurologist.

Unless, of course, the article I read was incorrect, in which case I still don't really feel like I should've gone back to see the neurologist again. I didn't like him very much.

I just don't know. All morning and afternoon, my neck felt just fine. Now since I've started this post and gotten all frustrated, it's hurting again. And going into my face again! But now I'm definitely sure that it's not numbness. It's more like really tight muscles, or tiny muscle spasms. I'm guessing from the stress. *sigh* I can't wait to see the doctor about this. Just as long as he doesn't make me go back to that neurologist...
I know I complain a lot, but from now on, whenever I complain about headaches, someone slap me. Well, maybe. Sometimes they are really amazingly bad headaches. But not always, and usually--ANYWAY.

So, I've mentioned my neck and back pain sporadically, but I don't know if I've ever said just how bad it is. It's my left side, my neck, shoulder and upper back, and it occasionally radiates down to my hip and my foot. And... it's bad. I mean, really, really bad. Right now, I've had an ice back on my neck and shoulder for about four hours off and on, only taking it off to put it back into the freezer to refreeze, and the pain is just as bad the second I take it off.

I'm averaging 800mg of ibuprofen a day, occasionally more, and it doesn't help. At all. 800mg of ibuprofen a day brings the pain level down from excruciating to unbearable. (I rate pain as: kill-me-now, excruciating, unbearable, really bad, bad, pretty bad, and barely noticeable.) And I just read the label, and apparently you're only supposed to have 600mg in a 24-hour period. Um, yeah... if I go by a 24 hour day rather than a waking-to-sleep day, then I probably sometimes have way more than 600mg a day on a regular basis. Um, probably closer to 2000mg a day.

I don't even like taking painkillers. I'm not one of those people who takes them for little things. I'm not. I've had chronic migraines and tension headaches since I was in my pre-teens (I think I was diagnosed at 12 years old), and a few years ago, I decided I'd only take painkillers when the headaches were so bad I couldn't function--and considering that was after probably six or seven years of migraines and tension headaches, my idea of 'can't function' is probably radically different from everyone else's. I know it is, because most people can't fathom how bad a headache has to be before I'll take painkillers. I can take a shitload of pain. Hell, I've had people describe me as a masochist for that very reason (other reasons too, but irrelevant to this discussion).

And now--after hours of applying an ice pack and taking painkillers, the left side of my face feels funny. That's never happened before. I wonder if it's a new symptom of whatever's wrong with my back (at first it was just my neck and upper back, then my shoulder joined the fun, and then my hip and sometimes randomly my foot) or if it's because of the ice pack and painkillers. I wonder what taking that much ibuprofen over long periods of time will do to your body? I should really look into that. Or maybe buy different kinds of painkillers. Branch out, so to speak.

I really do think I've been taking too many painkillers. I bought a new bottle for school, and I've gone through half of it already. The bottle had 500 tablets of 200mg each, so I've had roughly 250 tablets worth 50,000mg of ibuprofen in the past three and a half months. And the first month or so, I didn't take that many, so the spread is pretty heavily slanted to within the past two months.

I should probably talk to my doctor about that. And my chiropractor. And... well, those are the only two doctors that would know anything about it. But having the left side of my face go numb is really kinda a mix between... scary and annoying.

And shit, I've gotta get back to the six page paper I've been working on for the past four hours. I'm almost done with page three, so that's three more to go! At this rate, I'm gonna be done at 11. Shit. And this is the first break I've taken!

ETA: Okay, I didn't mean to scare anyone. Perhaps 'numb' was not the best adjective choice. My face is not numb exactly, it just feels... weird. I don't know how to explain it, and numb seemed the best choice. And it's not sudden, my left side has been hurting since last April. I just didn't tell anyone until the summer, and didn't seek treatment until about two months ago. It's my own fault that I let it get this bad, but it's not sudden and it's not a medical emergency.

But thank you to anyone who was worried about me, it means a lot to me that anyone would care that I might be seriously hurt. I'm just an idiot, though. Sorry. ^-^; Really, really sorry. I feel so bad that I worried anyone.
My head and neck are killing me, as usual, only on the left side, as usual. I truly despise the entire left side of my body, for I believe it despises me right back. Mom made another chiropractor's appointment for me on Wednesday, and I'm counting down the hours. If I am not able to get this pain taken care of, I'll probably end up downing pain meds like candy. I'd do it now, but they don't have any effect at all. My only hope is that taking twelve iburprofen at once (okay, maybe not quite so much, but definitely more than the 800 mg I've limited myself to in the past).

I am planning on doing some Christmas shopping for my brother's today, but I'm rather put out as Katie was supposed to come with me and she's still not back from church. I know she's usually back really late, but I'm giving her until 3pm and then I'm going without her. It's too bad, though, because I feel like such a fool walking around in a mall so much nicer than the one in my hometown.

Ack! Katie and a friend just got here, guess I'm heading off to the mall.
ikarit: (naruto/ combustion)
( Nov. 7th, 2005 06:10 pm)
I'm sick of grabbing a Dasani out of the mini-fridge every time I have one of these new, improved skull-splitting headaches mixed in with a neckache. Water bottles do make for very nice ice packs, but they are not, in fact, ice packs, and thus do not stay cold for very long. Plus, it looks a little loony to wander around holding full bottles of water to the side of my neck for long periods of time.

When I head home this weekend, I really must snatch one of the ice packs out of the freezer there. At least I won't look quite so loony with an actual ice pack.

And I really can't let myself slack off on those chiropractor visits when Christmas break starts. The whole left side of my body, from my head down to my heel, tends to either be in excruciating pain or completely cramping up.

Now to get back to procrastinating about the five-page paper on gender roles in the movie Troy that needs to be done by tomorrow morning. I haven't even started it yet.
The chiropractor was right, I need to get my neck and back adjusted several times a week to fix the problem. It's two days later, and the pain is already nearly as bad as it was before. At least the worst part of the neck pain is still gone, but my shoulder is actually worse, and my head and neck making me dizzy. It's odd, I spent over half a year living with the pain, only occasionally considering that I should get it fixed, but two days of pain-free living and I can't go back to having the pain anymore.

A week from Saturday, I keep telling myself. A week from Saturday and I've got another appointment. God, I don't know how I'm going to last until winter break. This is agonizing, and that's after I took 400mg of ibuprofen!

It didn't help that I got my astronomy exam back today. The professor said "Great job," when he handed it to me, but I was incredibly disappointed with myself. 86%! I can do better than that, especially when I saw some of the simple, stupid mistakes I made. It wasn't a hard test! I shouldn't have let the stress get to me. I was doing so well, and then... I just got lazy. But it's one grade, I'm back in the mindset again. I'll do better from now on, and I won't let myself get stressed anymore.
ikarit: (star wars/ love can ignite the stars)
( Oct. 29th, 2005 11:25 am)
Well, I'm just back from the chiropractor, and while I've got that "just had my bones moved into different placements" ache, I'm absolutely thrilled! My neck, which was the main source of my pain, is much better! Way better than I'd hoped for! This Dr. Wheeler dude who I saw today is my new hero. The problem was that the vertebra causing the pain was really high up (C1, I think he said, whatever that means--he said it was the first one). The chiropractor (the hot doc!) I saw over the summer didn't manage to help at all, but this guy really did. For the first time since I woke up with this pain, like back in April or something, I am without severe pain in my neck.

He said that the pain will come right back unless I start "treating it aggressively," because the muscles in the neck are attached to the vertebrae, and they have a kind of "memory" and adjusting them aggravates them, and they'll pull the vertebra right back where it was before. (Something like that, I don't really know a lot about that kind of thing, and my memory is usually suspect.) He said that I'd need to come back several times a week for the next month to fix it completely. Unfortunately, I can't really do that because I'm away at school most of the time. I did make an appointment for two weeks, when I'm coming back again. I'll just keep doing that until I'm home for Christmas, and then I really will "treat it aggressively" for all of Christmas vacation. That'll have to do.

He also said that the increased dizzy spells are probably because of my neck, which I'd already kind of assumed. So that's double the reason not to just live with the pain--dizzy spells actively interfere with my everyday life. Just yesterday, driving home from school, I got a dizzy spell on 475 around Toledo because it was really busy and I was stressed by the traffic. For a minute, until I forced myself to take deep, rhythmic breaths, I was afraid I'd have to pull over so I wouldn't faint. In the middle of busy traffic in the middle of a large city! That's not really an optimal situation to have a dizzy spell, that's for sure. I don't even think I could've pulled over in time, it was that busy, and honestly, there were barriers on both sides, so there wasn't even anywhere to really pull over!

In conclusion, I definitely approve of this Dr. Wheeler, that's for sure. I made my next appointment with him!
Augh, what's with this weird abdominal pain? No clue what's going on with that, except now that I think about it, it seems rather familiar. Hm. Must be... actually, no, I have no idea what it must be. It just hurts an awful lot. Still. For the past few days. Maybe it's just something that's happening because I'm sick--got a mildish sort of cold.

If that's so, then my body is truly bizarre. Maybe it's stress?

I rented Batman Begins yesterday, and watched it for the first time. It's absolutely one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life. So, so awesome. I'll probably buy it from the video store when I return the one I rented. I almost bought it the day it came out, because Meijer was selling it for $15 (with a free gift--a keychain!), but I thought I'd better watch it before I bought it. Such a bad decision.

ALSO, what's this about Maki Murakami starting a new arc of Gravitation?! Why didn't anyone TELL me?! This is big! Huge! Giant! Mind-blowing! I've already read the first two new tracks, and OMG. If it's going where I think it's going, I am going to DIE. That is just... wow!

I want to know if anyone else knows about this, seriously. Because if someone knew and didn't tell me, I will be having a serious talk with them. Or at least crying all over them and wailing, "why?! Why didn't you tell me, you giant meanie face!" I think they'd probably prefer the serious talk. I can be very shrill when I wail.
University Computer Center called to say my desktop's "ready to be picked up." The phrasing is not giving me a feeling of security. Still, I'm happy because I don't have to go get my car to pick it up, as one of my roomies said she'd drive me. Very awesome of her! Not until 5pm, though, because otherwise she's afraid she won't be able to find a parking spot in our parking lot anymore. It's very full.

I went to the campus bookstore because I wanted a UT hoodie, and ended up buying a UT hoodie (purple!) and some new headphones, the kind that go behind your neck. Very cool, I'm much pleased. Spent way more than I should have, though. Used up nearly all the money I had on my ID card. Oops. Now I really AM poor. I also checked out some of the books for my classes next semester. Some of them looked really interesting, like books I'd actually read just for fun. I'm really excited!

I don't think I'm going to be able to go home this weekend, unless my refund check comes tomorrow. It's kind of a disappointment, because I really need the money and I know Angie wanted me to come home and probably Mom did too. I also want to get my glasses adjusted. I just can't afford the drive until I get my refund check. I won't have enough money to pay for gas until then. Maybe next week... and fall break is the weekend after that, so I'm definitely going to have to go home then.

Major neck and back problems yet again, the same thing that was bothering me over the summer. Along with that comes the migraine-type headaches, so I really have to put in an effort to stop doing things to irritate it. I'll be able to go to the chiropracter during Christmas break, so I need to stand it until then.

Huh. Oddly enough, it seems my hip is bugging me too. It must be some sort of alignment thing, because it's the left side of my neck, the left side of my upper back, and my left hip. If not alignment, then that's some neat coincidence. Neat as in agonizing, GOD OUCH WHY DO I SUFFER LIKE THIS? Er, yeah, anyway.

Other recent health issues include: what appears to be the start of a minor cold, tendonitis flare-ups (again) in my right wrist, and I noticed the piercing in my left ear was infected when I woke up this morning (that happens a lot, though it's usually my right ear... this appears to be a bad time for the left side of my body, though).
Ah, PMS. The time of skull-splitting headaches which leads to menstruation, the other time of skull-splitting headaches (and a side of cramps, one day only!). I do adore it so. ♥ ♥ ♥


Wait, that's not right.
Waaaah, definitely have some kind of knee issues. I went to the gym with Lindsay for the first time in over a week today (various reasons for that--actually, I can say with all honesty that it's all Lindsay's fault~!), and when I got on the stationary bike, it started to hurt almost straight away. Hm... I wonder what it is.

For a while after I got off the bike, I worried I'd be limping for a while. At first, my legs were all jiggly and felt like jelly, so I couldn't feel anything, but when I was standing around waiting for Lindsay to finish using the Nautilus machines (I'm not doing those until see a chiropractor about my neck), it really started to hurt. But it went away, and now it's fine. I hope it doesn't do that again... it's never done it before. I probably just twisted it when I started pedaling on the stationary bike or something.

I really need to schedule an appointment with my doctor to talk about my recent spats of depression, and my wrist pain, and just to let him know I've been fainting. He knew I'd fainted before, but he doesn't know that I've fainted twice so far this year (and considering there were five to ten years between my first and my second spells, and at least seven years between my second and third, I think it's something I should mention). I think it might be because I'm hypoglycemic, but the last time I talked to him about that, he said that to test for hypoglycemia, you have to test while you're feeling lightheaded from not eating or whatever.

Now I know about fasting blood sugars, and I want to know why that test won't work. @_@ Why won't it? I suppose it doesn't matter, like he said... even if I'm hypoglycemic, it's still the same situation. I need to stop forgetting to eat. That's probably the real reason I've had two fainting spells this year... I'm eating a lot less than I used to, and sometimes actually forgetting meals--until recently, an unheard of situation for me. No real reason for this, it's just that I'm not so hungry these days. Still, I want to mention it to him just so he knows, and I would like to know for sure whether I am hypoglycemic or not.

Unfortunately, I just took my last Wellbutrin, so I either need to get more samples from him, or have them call in a prescription to a pharmacy. If they have to call in a prescription, I cannot really afford to go to the doctor's office too... medication is expensive. So when they call back about that, if they have samples, I'll make a doctor's appointment and if they don't, I'll wait a few weeks. Hopefully I will be fine until then! It's nothing major, anyway, just having trouble dealing with stress.

I want to take Ginger for a walk, but I'm so lazy. *whimper*

Hey! Mom just came home, yay! For lunch. She brought strawberries, too... she says they're "extra flavorful" because they're home grown. She's very excited. Really, they look kind of deformed for strawberries, and not at all appetizing.
Just finished chapter 43. My wrists are killing me, my tendonitis is back, I should've stopped at the end of volume four, and yet...


Her HAIR CLIPS? Her power is her HAIR CLIPS?! Why am I not surprised?

Like I can stop NOW.
ikarit: (sasuke/ ill fight for everything i am)
( Jun. 17th, 2005 02:36 pm)
Hm... shows what Angie knows about navel rings. She said it would really hurt the second day. It's the fourth day, and it hasn't hurt yet! It's stung a bit, but only because I'm really paying attention to it. If I wasn't so obsessive, I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

My head and neck are feeling better, too. Not well, but back to how they were before these past few weeks. That's definitely an improvement! Dizzy spells are mostly gone... I had trouble at work last night, had to sit down a few times. I wouldn't have fainted, but it certainly wasn't any fun standing up.

I did promise I'd explain what I decided about my neck, though~! So here it is... I always think the worst at first, and completely freak out. Then once I calm down, I see the more logical explanation. I probably just slept on it badly one night, and then instead of letting it be, I wrenched it more and more until it's a constant pain. Hopefully a chiropractor will fix that...?

Now to focus more on getting prepared for school...
Ah, I seem to have gotten myself all worked up over something again. I hate when I do this... me and my medical issues! I went to the neurologist a while back, I think I mentioned that. I don't think I mentioned that he requested I get an x-ray for my neck. I don't think I've, at any point in the past few months, mentioned the problems that led to his deciding it necessitated an x-ray (just to check). Did I mention it? I usually ignore things like this until it's impossible to ignore, but maybe I mentioned it and then forgot... it's possible.

It's nothing really, I just woke up a few months ago with a pain in the left side of my neck like a pinched nerve, and also what feels like just under my left shoulder blade, to the inside. It hasn't gone away, and just lately since the neurologist appointment, it's gotten much worse. It hurts all the time so I can barely stand it and I even take painkillers--something I usually never, ever do. I've been getting funny dizzy spells, and my whole body feels really weak. I used to get dizzy a lot when I was younger--lightheaded, actually, is what I called it--but it went away a few years ago. And just now, my arms feel sort of numb and weak.

The doctor asked me about that... weakness in my body. It might have been going on all along and I never noticed. It's silly, but I never notice things like that at all unless it's really major. Well, I notice them sometimes, I'm sure, but I don't take note of them. So if I really feel some sort of weakness, I can't recall and told the doctor that I never had.

Anyway, he wanted me to get an x-ray to take a look at it. I don't know all the possibilities or anything, but the only thing he said was bulging disk. I looked it up, and the symptoms I described do fit that, but I don't know.

So now I've gotten myself all worked up and I'm shaky and kind of scared and I feel really silly. Is a bulging disk even something so bad? I don't think so at all, but one (well... the only one, but sure there must be more?) of the treatments listed was surgery, and I don't have insurance, and...

I'm being silly anyway. I always make such a fuss over things and nothing ever comes of them. I'm having one of those weird funny-feeling dizzy spells, so that's probably what has me all worked up. I'll call about making the x-ray appointment tomorrow, anyway. Best get it over with so I can stop freaking myself out!

...um... I can't feel my left ear very much, I think...
ikarit: (forehead protector)
( Jun. 3rd, 2005 03:40 pm)
Waaah, have to go to work in like twenty minutes. No fun.

Oh, well, at least I've had a nice long day at home. I woke up at 8:30, went to the gym again with Lindsay at 10:30 and got a summer membership to the YMCA. Now I absolutely have to keep going with this, because if I don't, I will have wasted nearly $80. Ack. Actually, I don't think it's going to be a problem, because I'm having a blast doing it.

We spent thirty minutes on the bike... things... and then did the Nautilus machines. Only the lower body ones--both of us have pulled muscles in our arms from Wednesday. Ouchies--same places too, right in the front by our chests. It's like... boob muscle. @_@ Anyway, at the end, I was really sweaty. It was pretty disgusting. And of course it was twice as hard to keep doing the bikes. Last time, we did the Nautilus machines first, and even then, my legs didn't start really burning until nearly the end. Today, I felt it right away. Last, we did this little crunch thing--lay down on this machine and pull up with your legs and arms. It was REALLY hard. I did ten, and I could barely get the last one. Wow.

While I'm on the subject, I should mention that I think I'm having issues with my right knee... every once in a while while I was doing the Nautilus machines, I had sharp pains in it. I don't know why, I wasn't lifting that much and my left was fine. I think I've just got a bad knee... we'll see, I guess. Both my parents have bad knees, and have both had knee surgery for various reasons, so I guess it makes sense if I have a bad knee. No fun, though.

I came home to help clean up for Brian's graduation party tomorrow. Vaccuumed the whole house and washed little candy dishes by hand. I even cut some celery, which I didn't technically have to do today. Still, I figured I might as well get it over with, right? Right!

I'm feeling pretty good, overall. It's a nice day, and I've been productive. Now it's off to work where I will have absolutely nothing to do, and will most likely die of boredom within a half an hour.
Another new layout... this is the one I wanted before. I really love it!

If my arms hurt yesterday, then today they kill like a sonuvabitch. Seriously, OW. I hate pulled muscles at the moment. There's no greater evil. It's my upper arms, right by my boobs. If this is the first step in smaller tits, I just might reconsider my options.

I'm joking, but still. I hope they're a bit better by tomorrow... I'm going to the gym again then. We agreed on three times a week, and since I'm paying for the membership, I am SO going to stick to that. I'm hoping they let me pay by month, because there wasn't an option for that on their webpage, but Lindsay says she knows some people who were just members for the summer. Let's hope!

After about a year and a half of paid membership, I finally made my first poll. I was pretty excited (it's the little things that make me happy); so far there've been 135 votes. It's in [livejournal.com profile] _we_are_lost, that's why there are so many. Mostly I'm just pleased that it was a funny poll. Lost joke! Who are you for: Team Jack or Team Locke? I am Team Jack all the way!

Locke creeps me out, that's why.
ikarit: (sakura/ omfg)
( Jun. 1st, 2005 01:28 pm)
Wow, I'm completely worn out. My arms hurt! This morning I got up early and went to the gym with my friend Lindsay. It was pretty nice... new building (it was the YMCA) and BIG and there's lots of cool stuff. We were on the exercise machines for a half an hour or so. They had one for like every muscle... I forget what it was called, but they were in order and it was interesting. After that, we were on the bikes for a half an hour.

I ache all over, but it's a nice kind of ache, so I'm pleased. I'm talking to her right now, and we decided we're going to try to go to the gym together three times a week. We have to go together because we're both so lazy that we'd never go on our own. Going together, we won't be lazy.

Of course, that means I'm going to have to get a YMCA membership, eep. That's kinda expensive, but if we do go every three days, it will be worth it. That's another incentive--if I'm going to spend money on it, I definitely do not want to waste my money. Today I didn't have to pay because Lindsay had a guest pass, but she only has so many guest passes, and I don't want to make her use up all of them anyway!

My goal is to lose twenty pounds. I'm flexible on that, though, because I know muscles weigh more than fat, so if I don't lose that much (or any), I will be fine with that. I'm more concerned about losing FAT. I want to work on my thighs and hips. Oh, and if my boobs get smaller, that would just be awesome.

Yes, smaller. I don't know how long it's been since I've ranted about that, but let's just say that in the past month, I have SERIOUSLY wishing I had 1) the money for and 2) didn't have so much antipathy towards plastic surgery, because otherwise I would really have a breast reduction. It is nearly impossible to find a bra that fits me. It is entirely impossible to find one that's the right size. I'm a 32 or 34DD, but the smallest most stores have is a 36. Even then, a 36DD is RARE. So yeah... I never have bras in my size, I always just make do with ones that fit. I really, really, really want smaller boobs, okay? It is like my dream. Even just a D instead of a DD would be great. Like AWESOME, actually.

It is possible, right? *suddenly worried* I think it is, and Lindsay thinks it is, because breasts are like fat, but what if we're both wrong? That would TOTALLY SUCK. Augh. Hm, I will look it up the second I'm not lazy. Which is probably never, or at least a few days from now. If anyone knows for sure, tell me? *cries*

Oh, and my cold is definitely going strong now. I am sneezing like crazy, and when I'm not sneezing, I'm coughing. Yay for me. *sulking*
I LOVE SPRING. So, so much. I love the cool breezes and the smell of green grass and leafy trees and flowers and blue skies and the feeling of newness all around. This is my favorite season of all... summer is too hot, fall is too orange-y and full of death and winter is too cold and bare. Spring is everything perfect in the whole world. XD

It's a very nice day outside. Why do I always have to work on the nice days? It's like a curse.

Yesterday before work, I filled out the appeal sheet for BGSU. I wanted it to be perfect, because I'm an obsessive perfectionist when it comes to things like that, so the three or four times I had to strikeout a word because I skipped a letter (comes from writing too fast, yet too slow) really pissed me off, not to mention the time I ran out of space and had to go off the edge. AUGH. I really hope they don't take those things into account. Or at least think bad things about my mental abilities.

Then when I came home for lunch, I had my acceptance letter from UT. Wheee~! I have to fill out and send in my housing package as soon as possible, just in case. I've already got it all filled out and everything, and Mom bought envelopes yesterday (I was getting annoyed that I had to go to the post office every time I wanted to mail a letter), so I'll probably send it out today on my way to work. There's a mailbox right on the corner of the sidewalk by the entrance to J.C. Penney's, so it'll be easy.

Aaaaaand, my birthday's in six days. Wow, this is pretty neat. Soon I'll be 21~! I'll be able to drink~! I'll be a year older (boo)~! I love my birthday so much. Most people like their birthdays because they get presents, but not me. No, not me~! No one ever gets me anything I really want for my birthday, so presents are just blah. And whenever I really want something anyway, I just buy it myself at that moment. I'm not one of patience. I just love my birthday because... it's my birthday. I love the date (May 14th~!), the turning a year older, the... er... well, there's not much else to it. Anyway, I love it! I'm not getting any presents at all, because Mom bought me a jacket a month or so ago, and I told her that if I want clothes or something for school later, that can be my birthday present. Like, in July. Heeeeeee.

We always go out to eat on special holidays and stuff, so my party will be a dinner wherever I choose. I'm having trouble deciding, since there's nowhere I really like... I'm a simple eater. I told Mom I'm going to get something alcoholic to drink. She rolled her eyes, but said strawberry dacquiri! I think she's right, that sounds good. I guess.

Why am I such a klutz? I've got four lovely purple bruises on my thighs at the moment, and that's just the ones with a larger diameter than a pencil (I've got one or two that size). I have no idea how I get them, either. I do SO MANY things to myself in a short span of time, plus I'm forgetful, so I just have no idea where any of them come from. I've got two really close to each other on the outside of my right thigh, about as round as a quarter, and one giant (mostly gone now) bruise on the outside of my right thigh, and then another quarter-sized one on the top of my right thigh, a couple inches above my knee. Why do I do these things to myself? I'm not sure, since I don't know what I did to get them... err... Probably running into doorways and banging into corners. Those are things I do a LOT, and are good for bruises. Augh. I remember a couple years ago, I NEVER bruised. Not for ANYTHING. And now I still don't bruise easily, but I'm getting lots of bruises anyway.

I'm just that much of a klutz these days, I guess, when I wasn't such a klutz back then? And I didn't even mention the "mystery" cuts I always get. Yesterday at work, I was just minding my own business, straightening and helping customers and ringing up merchandise, when all of a sudden I noticed my thumb was stinging. Yep, I had a slice right down the side of it, no idea how I got it. That happens ALL THE TIME. And then this morning I noticed I have a half-inch long cut on the inside of my forearm. It was all puffy and kind of yellow. I have NO IDEA how or when I got it. These things confuzzle me.


Now I have to go wish Mom a happy mother's day. She's like me, not much for presents, so I didn't get her anything, and I didn't have enough cash to get a card. ^-^; She still won't mind... she just likes hearing---yep, I just told her as she was coming out of her room (which is across from mine) and she ran to give me a hug and giggle. @_@ My mom is so CUTE~! The best mom evar~!

Oooh, Tiffi just got online! *gasp*

And now time to get ready for church. ^-^;


ikarit: (Default)


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