ikarit: (taylor/ oh noes!)
( Apr. 12th, 2008 04:22 pm)
Yesterday after I got home from work at noon, I took a forty-five minute nap, got inspired and then suddenly went insane. When my family got home, I went to work driving them insane with my insanity.

Unfortunately for them--and actually, for me too--I picked the one activity to go crazy at the no one can ever scold me for. I cleaned. I've spent almost eight hours cleaning my room. Not all at one time. Five hours yesterday dusting, vaccuuming and throwing things out. Then three hours today cleaning out my closets, throwing things away, and sorting. I even went to the store and bought storage containers so I'll be more organized. My room went from a disaster--a very overflowing disaster, to bare and obsessively organized.

I think I'm done, but I keep finding more things to do. Augh. I wish I had before and after pictures to show, but I didn't think of it.

Hopefully I'll stop sneezing all the time. The four generations of dust bunnies I cleaned might have had something to do with that...

And just so you get an idea: I haven't cleaned my room for four years. I've straightened up, but not cleaned. Four years of not dusting, vaccuuming once or twice a year. And I haven't gone through my closets since... um. Wow. I don't think I've gone through my closets since I was fifteen or sixteen?

No wonder no one believes me when I insist I'm an organized person.
It feels so weird to start yet another entry by announcing, "hey, I'm home again!" It's just as odd as starting entries that begin, "hey, I'm back at school!" I switch back and forth so often that the sheer repetitiveness of announcing my location makes me want to stick in one place! I would even go so far as to actually do that--except if I had to choose a place to stick, it'd be at home and that's not exactly a possibility. I'm certainly not cutting back on home visits, since they're the only time I really feel like myself. At school, I'm so attached to my computer and my room, hardly ever leaving except to go to classes and occasionally forcing myself to go grocery shopping. I suppose that's exactly how I used to be at home, a few years ago. Now, I spend my weekends trying to fit in as many activities as possible.

As time passes, it feels like family and friends are more and more important to me. Tonight, I went to one of Jimmy's indoor soccer games. I believe it's the third or fourth one I've been to. In the fall, I went to several of his junior varsity games. I never would've voluntarily gone to one of my brothers' soccer games a few years ago; if they ever managed to coerce me into attending one game, I'd only agree because the general expectation was one game a year. My brothers play soccer year-round--both of them! Usually, they'll both have one game a week, sometimes more often. I was a really unsupportive sister. Even if I'm not a sports fan, I should have at least shown some interest in my brothers, especially since soccer is the only sport I know how to play! (I only know because I played soccer for three years, in elementary and middle school.) I'm just glad that I realized I wanted to support them before Brian graduated high school and stopped playing--I went to as many of his senior varsity games as I could manage to attend. It probably didn't mean as much to him as it means to Jimmy, though. Jimmy doesn't express undue excitement when I go, but he has always asked me to come to his games, and often tried to order me to go.

I'm getting off subject. I was really planning on writing this entry about how my personality is so different at home than it is at school, not how I've grown up in the past few years. With my family and old friends from high school, I'm actually somewhat witty and very sarcastic. I've never been incredibly funny, but I can make people laugh part of the time. When I'm with my roommates or college acquaintances, I have to try really hard to be amusing, and my jokes or sarcastic remarks always fall flat. At home, my family gets so sick of hearing me talk, but I never run out of things to talk about. I'm a real babbler. Up at school, I'm fairly sure everything believes me to be one of the quietest people to ever exist. It's not as if I intend any of this, it's just incredibly hard for me to open up to anyone I'm not close to, and I haven't met anyone at school whose presence I can feel comfortable in.

It shouldn't matter to me what my roommates think of my social life, but it does. I'm not bothered enough to force myself to have one, but it still bothers me. My social life--all of my admittedly very tiny social life--is at home. Mostly, I love spending time with all the members of my family, but I have been meeting up with Tiffi every weekend I'm at home. This weekend, we're meeting up at her new place on Saturday evening, and then going to play poker at the house of a friend of hers. I was supposed to go last month, if anyone remembers, but I started feeling queasy and I backed out. Tiffi laid a huge guilt trip on me for that one. Still, I refuse to back out this time! I hear there's cute guys, so I really have everything to look forward to. I love seeing cute guys. XD

I haven't spoken to Angie in months. Since last November, I think. I probably posted about it, but since I don't remember, I can't expect anyone else to be. Angie was my best friend, but I decided it was too emotionally upsetting to try to be best friends with someone who saw me as a best friend for the sake of convenience. So she went from being my best friend to being... not a friends, without one angry or unhappy word being spoken. Oh, after the last incident, I left her a voicemail message saying I was sick of being treated like I didn't matter, but that's it. I told her I wasn't going to try anymore, that I'd call her and I didn't want to deal with her. And... that was it. I don't really even miss her. I miss what she represented, but Angie is a person, not a representation. I just... have a niggling urge to try again. I want friends, and Angie and I were best friends since fifth grade so she's just always been there for nearly as long as I can remember, so it wouldn't be hard to make up with her, but... if she really care, she'd call me, wouldn't she? Starting last summer, we spent four months without speaking to one another once. Not once. We hadn't even fought, I was just upset with her and didn't call her, and she never called me to apologize, so we just didn't talk. The only reason we started speaking again is because her fiancé ended their engagement and she needed a best friend to cry to. That's not friendship. If I did call her, try to talk it out with her (keeping in mind that I don't particularly miss her very much, just aspects of the friendship I had with her), who's to say it would even work? After that teary phone call, we managed to keep talking to one another for three weeks, and then we stopped speaking again.

I always heard that lifelong best friends grow apart, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Angie was the person I saw new movies with, even if we had different tastes in movies, we both loved movies and that's what was important. She was the one I went shopping with, and she was the one I gossiped with. Tiffi has a lot of the same tastes as me, but we don't have the same sort of understanding of one another as Angie and I did. When someone is your best friend for half your life, there's an instinctual understanding that can only be achieved when you know someone for that long! I don't know if I'll ever have that again, because when I was that young, it was easy for me to make friends. Now? I haven't made any real new friends since, I'm fairly sure, my junior year of high school. I was seventeen/eighteen then and I'm nearly twenty-two now, so that's a good four years.

It's probably amusing to anyone with a wry sense of humor that in the same entry I discuss my deteriorating social skills and my ruined friendship, I also announce that I'm making my journal public again. I agonized over it for weeks, thinking it was really capricious, but in the end, it's what I want and the most logical choice. I probably shouldn't have gone friends only in the first place. So! From now on, my entries will be public. Eventually I'll probably go back and unlock past entries, but I don't know when I'll decide to do that or how many I'll do before I get bored.

Also, one last thing: please pray for my soul. I have a million forms to fill out ASAP: nearly a dozen scholarship applications and one utterly perplexing rental application/lease agreement (with comes with pages upon pages of (un)explanatory material and one receipt that may or may not need filling in). I knew I'd avoided these sorts of things for a reason. omg i'm going to spontaneously combust from essay bullshitting.
I'm really getting sloppy with my schoolwork. I waited until the last minute to do my French homework, and ended up doing the wrong chapters. I didn't realize it until I got to class, either. No use crying over spilled milk, though. I managed to do a bit of studying for my Astronomy exam, but I don't think I'll get an A.

A few months ago, [livejournal.com profile] cowgirled linked some torrents for Gundam Seed, and I just now got around to watching the first few episodes. It wasn't laziness, first it was because I was still at home with my slower connection and my really bad computer. Not only that, but it was shortly before I was supposed to move into the dorm, so it was totally pointless to download onto a computer that I wouldn't have access to in a short while, and off which it is very difficult to burn CDs. Then, at school, my computer had that freezing problem. Really, I started downloading the first moment it was possible for me, but so far I've only got the first four or five episodes. This morning, I watched the first three, and it seems pretty good.

Well, good enough that I'm dying to watch more. I was almost late to class because I wanted to watch just one more, and then I almost decided to wait to drive home, to watch just one more, and seriously considered not coming home at all to finish watching all the ones I've got so far. I'm not madly obsessed with it, but I'm definitely very intrigued. I can't wait for Sunday, to finish watching.

Usually, when I start watching a series, I have to seriously remind myself to keep watching it. It takes me a while to really get into a series, so to speak. For example, my favorite series to date, Naruto! I hated it at first, thought it was disgusting and stupid. I forced myself to watch the first sixteen episodes or so just because I'd heard it was that good, and then I couldn't take it anymore. At that point, I'd already downloaded the first fifty episodes, so I burned them to CD and basically forgot about them. It wasn't until I had a fluke internet disconnection--I think after a thunderstorm--that I got so bored I decided to continue watching the series out of sheer boredom. It figured that it got good just after the point I stopped watching, and I was totally hooked by the time my internet came back. :D

So yeah, I think it's significant that I'm that interesting in continuing to watch the series. God only knows, however, how I'm going to get the rest of it. I don't know if I can FIND anymore of it. The torrent I'm downloading now is the first twenty-five episodes and I don't know anything beyond that. *crosses fingers* It'll be a while before I get through those, though. It took about... ah... god, definitely longer than two weeks to finish downloading even the episodes I have now. So it'll be a while before I'm finished. I don't have anything really to say about it, because nothing significant has really happened so far, but... I think I'll like it very much.

After I got home, I went to visit Grandma at the hospital. Dad suggested it, originally, because he and Mom couldn't go up there tonight because it's the last football game, so they want to see Jimmy in the band one last time. So it was Dad's idea, but I was delighted because I hadn't thought of it and I knew Grandma would be so happy if I did. I stayed for a few hours before coming home. It was... scary. Definitely pretty scary. I know she's going to be fine, and that she's just recovering, but she looks so... so... frail. Her lips are white, and her voice is soft and thready, and she seems so infirm and it's scary for me to see her like that. But she's fine, and... she's fine. She's an eighty year old woman who just had her kidney removed! She's doing about as well as is possible for someone in that situation. It's just that seeing her really drove in that she's... she's not always going to be there. But she's still here now, and that's what I need to be focusing on. She's absolutely fine.

I've got a chiropractor appointment tomorrow morning at 9:45. I'm dreading getting up that early, but living with the neck and back pain is just not acceptable anymore. I'm going to keep going back every time I come home until it's gone. It's interfering with my schoolwork, and my health, and I'm not going to put off getting it fixed any more.

I'm really exhausted, actually. It would be a good idea for me to go to bed in the next half hour, and it's been a really long day, so I'll probably end up doing that. Too bad, though, I haven't gotten to see Mom or Jim yet at all, because I left to go visit Grandma before they got home.
My grandparents came to visit earlier tonight, while Dad was watching Nascar. So while we talked, we were all watching the race.

Me: Hey, mass pit stop.
Grandma: My favorite part is watching them servicing the cars.
Me: ...*CHOKE, stifling laughter VERY BADLY*
Mom: ...
Grandma: What?
Me: NOTHING. *points suddenly* Oh my god, what's that?!
Dad: ...that guy's driving with the gas can still hanging off his car.
Me: *collapses into hysterics*

I love my family. So, so much. ♥
ikarit: (anko/ my escape)
( Oct. 14th, 2005 06:52 pm)
No, I'm not still bitter about some idiot pulling the fire alarm last night. Nope, not at all.



Home for fall break. Wheeee! I can drive my car around whenever I want again! I can see my family (minus Brian) for the next four or five days! I don't have to worry about fire alarms being pulled at ungodly hours of the night!


ikarit: (various/ big happy family)
( Oct. 7th, 2005 11:04 pm)
It's the first time I've seen my whole family in... um... well, since before I left in August, I believe. Shocking! Brian and I have never come home on the same weekend before. It's nice. I have a whole list of errands I have to run this weekend, starting at 9am tomorrow morning, but it'll still be nice. Plus, my money problems will be solved, and that is a huge relief by itself.

Already one thing is crossed off the list, though! Haircut is done. And very nice, if I do say so myself. :D I heartily approve of it! I really need a digital camera or something...
While I like being at school very, very much, there are certain downsides. For example, it has brought boredom to new heights. I get bored just as often as I do at home, but at least at home, I can go out and bug my brothers until they explode. Or bounce around my mom until I get her just as hyper and then bounce around together. Or best of all, I can walk outside, get in my car, and GO ANYWHERE I WANT.

Here, options one and two are related to option three--to do any of those things, I have to go outside (a process with can take up to five minutes, depending on elevator wait time), walk five minutes to the transportation center, wait an unspecified amount of time for a bus, take a seven minute bus ride to the other campus, get into the gated and fenced-in parking lot, find my car, and then get out through a different gate. Getting to my car can take up to a half an hour. THEN I can go anywhere I want. :D

I can't wait until next semester, when I will be able to park on this campus. Getting to my car will only take ten minutes--at the very most! That will just be awesome. As of this semester, mostly my car is just too much of a pain to bother with.

ETA: And apparently going to FF.N to relieve boredom is not a good idea, because I find things like this:

Hermane and Anakin Skywalker first mission by angeldevilgrl91
Hermane Skywalker just found out that she is gonna be a jedi Master and her brother Anakin is gonna her apprentice.will they survive there first mission without Master Obiwan or will they fall into a trap?

There are so many things wrong with that, but the first thing that comes to mind is Hermane? What is THAT, the feminine form of Herman? I'm going to gouge my eyes out now, kthxbai.
ikarit: (kate/ it's a good year for a murder)
( Sep. 10th, 2005 10:25 am)
I do not care WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE, but whatever stupid little shits thought it'd be brilliant to throw mustard, flour, egg and tiny cut-up squares of paper all over our yard and my car NEEDS A GOOD PUNCH IN THE FACE.

Not because of the mustard, flour, egg and paper, but because they used it to write DIE JIMMY on my car.

I swear to god, if I ever find out who did it, I will be paying a visit to their goddamned house and there will be slapping and screaming.
ikarit: (han/ reluctant goodbye)
( Sep. 9th, 2005 07:06 pm)
The drive down gets easier every time. Previously, though I'd gotten rid of any lingering nervousness about driving on the highway, I would be fine driving but feel incredibly lightheaded. I made sure to pack some pretzels today, expecting to get dizzy again, but I didn't need them this time. It was pretty nice. I drove pretty much the whole way in the fast lane, too. I'm very proud of myself.

Yesterday was the introductory meeting for Habitat for Humanity, an organization I'd always found very interesting but had never had the opportunity to look into. They're off to a busy start, too. There's a fundraising even every day next week for hurricane relief efforts. Then after that, there's various different things going on for the next two Saturdays. I'm not sure exactly how much I'm going to be volunteering, but I'm already planning on at least twice. Considering there's only three events for which they're asking for volunteers, that's a lot. I'm wavering on doing the third, but I don't know if I could handle Open Mic Night (all proceeds going to the relief fund, of course). I have issues with live singing... I don't like it.

But I'm definitely doing two. On the 17th, there's Clean Your Streams, where volunteers clean up the banks around the river. Then on the 24th, if I can rearrange a few things I had scheduled, there's a build opportunity! I'm really excited about doing that. I was supposed to go to one of Jimmy's games that day, but I checked the calendar when I got home, and there's one in October that I can go to instead. I think it will be fine to put it off until then, and do the build in two weeks.

All these activities make it final: I'm not going to be coming back home for a visit for the forseeable future. I wasn't planning on it, anyway (actually, I'm kind of frustrated that I've been home as much as I have), so it's fine. The only reason I'm home for a visit now is that I needed to get some things done, and since Katie went home for a visit, too, it seemed like a good weekend to take care of everything. So tomorrow I have an eye doctor appointment! Since I have insurance now, I have to catch up on all the annual appointments that I missed--dentist appointment is planned for next month when I have a short break from classes.


ikarit: (Default)


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