It would figure that I'd decide to start updating on the day before my paid account is set to expire. Typical me.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting. I think this week is so exhausting for me that writing all out helps me keep everything straight.

Today was... long. And now I have blisters. Why, why, why didn't I change out of my heels before I ran all my errands. And did my chores. And walked all over the mall. Whyyyyyy?

My brother is moving. )

So with a just a few days to spare, we have to pack for a trip, buy furnishings for an apartment, and oh, on top of that?

Next week is my mother's 50th birthday, and we're throwing her a surprise birthday party. Guess who has tons of things to get done THIS WEEK to get ready for it? Me, that's who, with only tomorrow evening to get them done. Plus pack, plus fit in other odds and ends, plus make sure the dog is taken care of (which is an ordeal beyond imagining--there is a page with full paragraphs on how to feed her, whyyyyy is she so old?), plus RIP OUT ALL MY HAIR AND CRY.

Not to mention that I'm still involved with my company Relay For Life committee and this weekend is our huge garage sale filled entirely with donated items because we have an amazing bunch of employees, and I am basically abandoning a really good friend to do it almost entirely by herself at the very last minute and I feel horrible about it. So of course I'm trying to fit in an hour every day to help her organize and label everything. I hate leaving at the end of that hour, because there's piles and piles of things that still has to be done, and I honestly do not have even another half hour to give her.

Can I curl up into a ball and sleep now?
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I love my brother. I love my brother. It's like a mantra. I really, really do. He just drives me nuts about 80% of the time. Teenagers couldn't have been this brain-explodingly frustrating when I was one, right?

(At this moment, my mother has to be feeling the urge to hit me and having no clue why...)

Phone's ringing, and I can't figure out why no one's answering it. I grab it, look at caller id, it's a university that's been calling for Jim when he hasn't been around to take their calls. I knew he didn't want to talk to them, but they still have to be told that, or they'll keep calling. Duh.

So I answered it.

Me: Hello?
Young Girl Recruiter: Hi, I'm calling from *** University? Could I please speak with Jimmy?
Me: Sure! I'll go get him!

*walks across house*

Me: Hey, Jim, phone. *holds out phone, mouthpiece facing him*
Jim: *glares* I'M NOT HOME.
Me: But--
Jim: *shouts angrily* I'M NOT HOME!

Um. Um.

Me: *mortified, puts phone back up to ear*
Me: ...
Me: ...he's not home.
Young Girl Recruiter: *is already laughing*

So then naturally I couldn't help but start laughing too, and the conversation was concluded between gasps for air.

Just another example of what happens when your parents and older sister spoil you mercilessly. I have only myself--and okay, my parents--to blame.
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ikarit: (tenrose/ all smiles)
( May. 22nd, 2008 07:53 am)
Okay, now I really must update as it is getting to be a Thing. A thing where I don't update.

Last time I posted, I was in the middle of a bad week, but that's been passed. Dad's had his surgery, and now he's pretty much all better! Still not at work, as he's a mechanic and he can't do his job if he's on restrictions, but he'll be back to work in a week or so. He just has to get a few more tests done this week, and then get the results before he's got the okay.

And it was my birthday last Wednesday! It was really fantastic. I got bombarded by cakes and brownies and made myself sick four days in a row. And the day before my birthday, I went to the zoo with L and her boyfriend. The zoo!

To understand my excitement about the zoo, you must understand I've been making noises to anyone who would listen about going to the zoo for the past five years, at least. So when L messaged me a few weeks ago and said, "want to come to Cincinnati with me so I can visit my boyfriend--and by the way, let's go to the ZOO while we're there," I admit to squealing and bouncing up and down in my chair.

I would've gone to Cincinnati anyway, but not with such enthusiasm, which was probably L's goal. I got to see turtles. I love turtles, and I even got a new necklace with a cute little turtle charm. I've been wearing it every day I can get away with it, which is most days. Yay for turtles!

So, yes. Good times! And now it's off to work. Less good times, but still good times. I like the bank. :D
Well, last week was bad. I was sick and my laptop never worked (I ended up returning the damn thing after I spent five hours over a period of two days talking to four different customer support technicians and they finally told me they couldn't fix the thing and to just return it, and a few emails with Amazon.com support later, I was told they didn't feel I should have it replaced and to just return it (which was really just them politely refusing to replace it because they didn't feel it was their problem), I had to pay $23 to ship it back, man, was I ever frustrated), and my desktop is messed up TOO, and a few other things that are minor in the long run but on top of everything else, really didn't help at all. By Friday, I was sick (again) and I went into work at JCPenney anyway because I'd called off on Monday and was there about two and a half hours before I couldn't take it anymore, went home to check to make sure they'd gotten my schedule right for THIS week (long story, it got switched around because of stuff at the bank) and found out that I wasn't scheduled to work that Friday ANYWAY. I'd gone into work sick when I wasn't even supposed to be working! And no one told me, and they made me jump through hoops when I wanted to go home sick! I was... so exhausted and miserable and probably the slightest thing would've set me into a sobbing fit by that point.

I'm really not joking. Just... stress. I was fine before, but even if I like the new job it's still stressful, and I'm still learning and it didn't take much to push me over. I'm still probably a crying jag waiting to happen, because this week is starting out worse than last week. After that bad week, I went to work at the bank Saturday morning, and then had the rest of the day to unwind from everything.

Saturday night (it was 2am, so technically Sunday), I was lying awake in bed because... well, I tend to do that. Insomniac and all. So, lying awake and my mom walks in to say my dad's really sick and in agonizing pain and she's rushing him to the emergency room. It being 2am and me not being really awake, I kinda agreed and once she was gone kinda freaked... It's good I didn't actually panic before they'd left, because I found out later Mom was barely holding it together.

Spent four or five hours in the hospital Sunday afternoon, during which Dad got a couple more tests done and we were told nothing except that it wasn't a heart attack before he got let go. Then yesterday, we found out that it was his gall bladder and he'd need surgery most probably, and I spent the afternoon (I was at work in the morning) driving him FROM and then back TO the hospital and running errands and then my grandparents came home from Florida, so two hours visiting.

And then sometime around 6:20 this morning, Mom woke me up to tell me that Dad was having another attack, and it was another trip to the emergency room, and then about two hours ago, I got a call saying he has to have surgery today, sometime between noon and 3, to have his gall bladder removed, so we'll see how that goes.

I've really got to take a shower so I'll be ready to go up there and wait when Mom calls to tell me when he's having the surgery exactly, but I feel like crap. My head is killing me.

Today's my day off. I was going to use it to do laundry and go shopping--Mom's birthday is tomorrow, and she really deserves a fantastic present, plus I have a good friend's college graduation party this Saturday and I need a present for that too. No more days off. The end of this week isn't looking too great either. Not sure how Dad's recovery time is going to be, or even how long he'll be in the hospital since we won't know until after he's had the surgery.

It's just... long two weeks, I'm betting. Very long. And so very stressful. And sometime as soon as possible I have to call Brian and get that information I still need to fix my desktop, which really needs fixing now that the laptop is gone. My head hurts. A lot.

Edit: Naturally, the minute I post this is the minute I get the phone call from Mom to say that Dad's just going into surgery and I have to get up there as soon as possible. Augh. Still no shower.
ikarit: (claire/ cry)
( Dec. 18th, 2007 07:24 pm)
God. I hate how it's so easy to forget what a bastard my father can be. He's been better in the past five or six years, but then he has a bad day and starts yelling about absolutely nothing--it's never about anything logical or in any way reasonable--and then the terror just comes flooding back.

I hate that he fucked up my life in that way. A man raises his voice, and it's just instant terror for me. The kind of fear where you're frozen in place, can't breathe, gut-wrenching panic just flooding through you.

I hate walking on eggshells. My whole life, walking on eggshells.

I want out.

At least... for right now. By morning, I'll have forgotten all about it. I don't turn short-term memory into long-term memory very successfully. I'm not sure if that's a gift or a curse.
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Sometimes I hate my family dynamics. I mean, really hate them. Sometimes it's cute when they forget to tell me things, or assume I know about them. I spend 90% of my free time sequestered in my bedroom. How am I supposed to know about anything unless they tell me?

Dad came home from work today and casually mentioned that Mom had a half-day tomorrow because she was going to our next door neighbor's funeral tomorrow. A close family friend who we all love. Then he realized from my reaction, that perhaps they'd forgotten to tell me she'd died yesterday morning. And then in the ensuing shocked silence, he endeavored to apologize and explain what'd been going on, and that's when I found out they'd also forgotten to tell me that she'd been dying of a perforated stomach for the past two months.

It's just, god. It's awful, horrible news that'd make me bawl my eyes out anyway, and to have it shoved on me out of the blue? I should've known! I would have visited her, I would have done something! I'd been wondering why I hadn't seen her around, but I thought I was just missing her! And I've been treating her husband perfectly normally, waving to him cheerfully whenever I see him. Fuck, I think I saw him yesterday. He must've thought horribly of me.

Now I have to go in to work tonight for my second overnight with red eyes and a huge migraine. I don't get off until 5am, and then I'm going to get up early--probably 10 or 11 tomorrow morning, get ready and ride an hour and a half for her funeral. And then come home, go to bed and get up at 5am for my first official shift in my new job on Wednesday. At least work tonight won't be awful, it's the kind of focused but almost mindless work that's amazingly distracting. No customers to be calm and collected for, either. And it's not like I would be able to sleep anyway.
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ikarit: (ryantaylor/ kiss)
( Oct. 14th, 2007 05:35 pm)
My poor brother Jimmy is sick yet again. My family is a healthy, hearty sort of family--we get sick, but never badly, and always rarely--except for Jimmy. Once or twice a year, he will wake up (generally in the middle of the night, or so it seems) violently ill of some sort. It usually doesn't last long, but it's always pretty bad. It seemed like last week was his normal sort of illness, with a high fever and a sore throat. There was a diagnosis of tonsillitis and giant horse pills, forced absences from school and a missed soccer game, and it seemed like it was time to move on.

Then he woke up with a high fever and a sore throat again this morning, and it seems like it was never really gone in the first place! So he and Mom spent this afternoon at the ambulatory care center in the next town over. Mono tests came back negative, but the doctor says he still might have it. So he's definitely not allowed to go to school tomorrow, and if he's not better by Tuesday, he'll have to go back in for more tests. Poor Jim! He doesn't mind missing school, but he hates being sick and he's too social to enjoy missing more than one or two days. This will be the third day in two weeks, and there's the possibility he'll miss another soccer game. Missing the soccer game will kill him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll get better, no that it's not mono! I'm sure it's not, he always bounces back.

Other than Jimmy, life is pretty good. I feel idiotic because I forgot to clock back in to work yesterday after my lunch break, so instead of working seven hours, it only recorded three. My boss says it won't be a pain to sort out, but I'm frustrated with myself. We got a new system a few weeks ago, and now we clock in at the registers. This is the second time I've forgotten since the system changed! It just happens that I see customers waiting by the register and my mind immediately jumps to checking them out rather than clocking in, and I think that says more about my work ethic than my forgetfulness.

Plus, I'm just plain bitter about the new system. It really sucks.

I also just applied for a supervisor position that opened up. I won't get the job, I'm absolutely sure I won't get the job, but as I've been told again and again, it's better to try and to fail than not to try. I'd really like to work in a different department, like Home or Replenishment or Display, but being the Women's supervisor would be nice. They do a lot of replenishment anyway. Still, I won't get the job so it really doesn't matter.

I've gotten better about acting cheery and smiling when I'm feeling bland. I just really hate when a customer comes up and teases me like "it can't be all that bad!" Dude, shut the fuck up. I'm tired and now I'm bitchy. It's harder to smile when I'm bitchy than when I'm just bland. But it's now a skill at which I am becoming fairly good.

At first when I started working again, I felt kind of apathetic about the whole thing. It was easy training. I got paid for nine hours of watching videos on things I already knew! Register training doesn't go any faster if you know what you're doing--well, maybe a little, but the cd training does not. So I got paid to sit around and not pay attention. Once I started working... then the hate started. I dreaded coming to work so much, I regretted applying there again, I wished with all my heart I hadn't cancelled my interview at Kohl's, and I'd scheduled that interview with Macy's. But a few weeks later, once I'd gotten used to Penney's again, I... remembered why there had been a time that I did love working there. And now I almost--almost--look forward to going into work. Almost! I don't mind it very much, anyway. I've got lots of cute new outfits to wear, I put on makeup most of the time, and I've taken to painting my fingernails bright colors.

I get lots of compliments on my nails. Originally, it would've probably lasted a week, but then a customer said how great my nails looked, and so when the paint started to chip, I put on a new color rather than just removing it. I've kept getting compliments (one lady even delightedly kept track of the colors!), so they keep getting painted. I'll do anything for a compliment.
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First my job probably fell through after a month and a half long wait (long story), and now my baby brother is making me want to cry.

He came home from school with an unhappy cloud over his head the likes of which I've never seen before, I immediately started fluttering around helplessly trying to figure out what was wrong. I kind of wish I'd left it alone, because it turns out I really didn't want to know what was bothering him. He told me that his girlfriend is "absolutely furious" with him because she found out that he messed around with drugs and alcohol last Friday night.

...prior to today, I did not like his girlfriend. No real reason, except I don't like any of his girlfriends. I usually refer to any girlfriends as "that girl" and "what's her face" and completely ignore them whenever I have to spend time with them. However, this latest girl has made an impact on my heart, because my baby brother is desolate, regretful and just all-around miserable.

I thought I'd be furious with him too. But he's just so unhappy and I hate when he's unhappy. Not just about the girlfriend, either. He's regretting the drugs and alcohol. From what he told me, originally he said no. And then no again... and again... and again. He only agreed because they kept offering and offering. And I can see how he would just give in. He's so young and concerned with appearances, and you never really know what you're made of until you're tested. Well, he failed his test.

Who's to say I would've done any differently at his age? No one ever offered me drugs, maybe I would've given in if people were shoving them at me. I certainly did with alcohol! Well, once or twice, anyway. Maybe it was sheer luck I was never in his position. Well, luck and good friends. But I can't think that badly of him, and I can't really be mad.

Plus, he's just so... upset. For a minute, I was afraid he was going to cry and I just wanted to hug him so badly. Honestly, I don't know what to do. I promised I wouldn't tell Mom, and I honestly wouldn't have told her anyway. I can't keep an eye on him myself. The only reason I know about this time is because he told me. I'm just so lost. What is the correct response to something like this? I told him to keep away from anyone who offers him drugs, I told him you just have to keep saying no. I don't think there's anything else I can do, except worry some more.

I almost wish I could tell Mom, make her get all the gory details out him so she can keep him away from those people in the future! But that's not going to happen, so I guess I'm going to keep on worrying.
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So, I woke up on Tuesday when my mom came into my room during her lunch break (unfortunately not unusual) and asked me whether Dad had taken my car to work.

He had not.

Which begged the question, "where the hell is my car?"

Then she asked me where Jimmy was. Jimmy, my fifteen year old brother. As in, not old enough to have his driver's license.

That begged the question, "where the hell is my brother?"

Then Mom and I thought about those two questions for a bit. And wondered, "he can't really be that stupid, can he?"

As it turns out, yes, he can. Mom, who was incredibly sick of covering up every time Jimmy does something monumentally retarded, called Dad immediately. Dad called Jimmy, and yep, he was driving my car. Not only was he driving it, but he was driving it down a four lane, 50 mph, major state route in bad road conditions. So bad that school had been cancelled that day, which was why he was supposed to be at home.

Ahem. Yeah, he's grounded. I was so beyond pissed that the only thing that saved him from a bitchslap was the fact that he turned and sped away the minute he saw the look on my face. He also had the nerve to gripe about Mom for calling Dad right away, and I had to point out that we were worried about him. Yes, Mom was mad when she called Dad, but there were other concerns. We hadn't known whether Jimmy had really taken it, or if he'd simply gone over to a friend's and the car had been stolen coincidentally. Mom believed it was possible that Dad maybe had really taken it to work. And finally, if we were right and Jimmy had taken it, Mom and I were both scared shitless he'd kill himself in a car accident! Mom and Dad still tell me to drive carefully when the roads are bad, and I've had my license for seven years! Hell, they tell each other to drive carefully. Snowy roads are dangerous, no matter how good a driver you are, because even if you're the best goddamn driver in the world, you can't control other drivers. I couldn't breathe easily until he'd walked in the door. And I had orders to call Dad as soon as he got home safely, too.

I think Jimmy got Mom's forgiveness when he told her he hadn't thought that we might be scared for him. He got my forgiveness when he spent three hours in the freezing garage washing and waxing my car. He got Dad's forgiveness because Dad spent the rest of the day hearing stories from his coworkers about stupid things their kids had done. He didn't have to get Brian's forgiveness, because Brian thought it was hysterically funny, plus it gave him an amusing story to tell all his college friends.

It was a very exciting day, and not really in a good way. Little brothers are exhausting.

ETA: Holy frick! July 21! Why didn't I know sooner? YESSSSS!!!!11!!1eleventyone! I really need to go back to checking my flist every five minutes.
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I woke up this morning with a mild cold. I took some DayQuil right away, but now I'm lightheaded. Not sure if it's from the medication or something else. In any case, I can't take a shower now because I'm afraid I'll pass out. I feel kind of gross at the moment.

I finished up all my Christmas shopping yesterday, as well as bought a nice outfit for Tiffi's New Year's Eve party. I also turned in a job application, but most of me is hoping that they don't call me about that. I'm not sure I can really handle working right now.

I hate wrapping presents, so now there's a huge pile of bags strewn across my bedroom floor. I feel I should do something with them, considering my brothers' presents are in the bags and they could just walk in an start looking through them, but I cannot quite work up the effort necessary for such a task.

Brian's not likely to do it anyway, and Jimmy probably wouldn't realize his presents might be out in the open like that, so they're pretty safe. Mom, on the other hand, might look through the bags for a completely different reason and stumble onto her presents by accident. That would just figure, if it happened.

God, I really want to take a shower.
ikarit: (haruhi/ yummy)
( Dec. 13th, 2006 06:36 pm)
Okay, so I lied. I lied like a lying, lying thing. I am rightly and utterly ashamed of myself. When I say I shall post more, I should follow through and actually post more. But no, not I! I am a low, irredeemable teller of untruths. I apologize from the bottom of my unworthy heart.

In lieu of all the posts I didn't make, I can assure you that I have been reading my flist! I just haven't been commenting because I really have nothing at all to say.

I am in a very cheery mood, if anyone can tell. I spent hours shopping today, and so now I have most of my Christmas shopping done. I'll have to do a few more hours shopping tomorrow, or sometime soon, if not tomorrow, but then I will be done. Yay! I like shopping a lot, but I like having things completed most of all. It'll be a great relief to know I'm all finished.

I'm not sure if I'm going down to Columbus this weekend to visit Tiffi and Brandon again. If I don't go, then I won't see them again until New Year's because next weekend is all Christmas parties. I think I'll probably text Tiffi and decide when I see what they're planning on doing. I still haven't been clubbing with them yet, so we'll see.

Brian's girlfriend Shelley is visiting. She's a sweet girl, but like all of Brian's girlfriends, makes me feel horribly inadequate because she's pretty, smart and funny. I usually hate pretty, smart and funny girls because they make me viciously jealous, but his girlfriends are also amazingly nice and I can't hate nice girls. Shelley is just as typically nice as all his other girlfriends. Also, she has amazing hair. Amazing blonde hair! I just can't win.

At least it's dyed. I think.
Tonight is Trick or Treat night, and I sneakily got out of passing out candy by shoving the job on Jimmy. I hate passing out candy. It's boring, and kids make me uncomfortable. I never know what to say to them! Plus, kids are like animals; they can sense your fear!

Ahem, anyway. Mom just got home to find that I'd passed it over to Jimmy (which was the original plan anyway, I don't know why she was so shocked) so she came back to talk to me about it.

"You're not passing out candy," she said. I just beamed and agreed that I was not. She frowned and stared at me.

"But you're the girl."

...

I'm the girl? Well, that's just awesome. Now I have the perfect excuse to turn down a request that I take over for Jim--I'd be encouraging her blatant sexism! Yeah, okay, she only said that because she thought it would make me do it, and she knows that I know that, but she doesn't have a leg to stand on because she said it in the first place!

I love when she doesn't think things through.
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Every once in a while, I start thinking deep thoughts. Well, deep thoughts for me which are really more like random and bizarre thoughts. I just feel better if I call them deep.

Like the other day, when I sat around for ages contemplating how exactly my family knew Jimmy was going to be tall. Almost from the moment he was born, the general consensus was, "he's gonna be tall." I have no idea why, but here we are fifteen and a half years later and Jimmy is the tallest member of the family. How did they know?

Just the same, everyone always said I was going to be short, and Brian too. I've still got my fingers crossed for a tiny last growth spurt for Bri, though. Just a half an inch--okay, maybe a full inch--and he'll be taller than me! Just taller than me, that's all I'm asking. I used to love that I was taller than him, but as he got older it got less funny. I'm inches below average height for women, I don't even like to think about how comparatively short that makes Brian.

Oh, and um, still obsessing over Supernatural, though I've gotten better about the dark. No more turning on all the lights... mostly. It comes and goes! Still, no matter how freaked out I might get, the guys are just too hot to avoid the show. Plus, there's an amazing amount of really good fic. I now have more Supernatural fic archived in my memories than anything else.

I've been coming across a bazillion quotes, too. )
Someone should really, really inform authors that "nether regions" is a term that should never be used. Ever. There should be some kind of public service announcement. I see it once in a while and it makes me laugh out loud every time.

Thank god, usually it's not in smut fics. Smut authors generally use better terms than that, even if they are usually just as hysterically funny. Also speaking of smut authors, I've been coming across a rash of smut fics where the author uses "c*ck" instead of "cock." How is that any better? I'm not being rhetorical, I'd seriously like to know.

Segueing onto a completely different topic, it seems that having my little breakdown the other day was what I needed to kick my ass into gear. I've decided that I am going to Rhodes State this fall and I've picked a major. I've got to go to the Office of Admissions on Monday to deal with a few things, and I think I'll actually do it.

I also might reschedule that doctor's appointment I've put off since, oh, early June. My wrists are really bad again, and I'm worried how difficult it will be for me to take notes in class. Typing isn't too bad because the splints help, but that doesn't work with writing. My wrists cramp up after five or ten minutes when I'm writing normally. The speed at which I'd need to write notes would be absolutely impossible, and that will be a huge problem.

But I am really excited about school (well, kind of) and also because my dad told me about our vacation plans for next summer! After he and Mom went to Florida in the spring, he decided that our family needed one last family trip before... well, I guess before Brian and I move out? He wants a last hurrah, I guess. Anyway, for the first time in our lives, it's going to be a major trip. He's not sure where we're going yet, but so far he's tossed out Jamaica, the Virgin Islands and the Bahamas as ideas.

My new goal in life is to lose enough weight to look good in a bikini by next June. And maybe to get tan. And probably have long hair, but I'm only including that because I've wanted long hair since I got it cut short. In 2004, don't ask why I haven't tried to grow it out because it's a long story. If you can't tell, I'm a little bit hyper. I can't help it, I'm excited! I've never flown in a plane, I've never been out of the country, and I haven't been to the ocean since I was about twelve years old. I'm gonna be fixing all three things at once. *glee*
[Scene: Jennie is in the kitchen with her mother and her youngest brother... who is peeling a hard-boiled egg (and incidentally, also taunting the dog with it).]

Jimmy: Something smells funny.
Mom: It's fine.
Jimmy: No, you're-- ...fine.

*short pause*

Jimmy: Um.
Me & Mom: ...
Jimmy: Ahaha?
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Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Unlike a lot of people, I don't really care one way or the other about the holiday. I've never had a valentine, so I can't really say I know what I'm missing. I like seeing all the presents people buy for one another, though! My dad used to buy cute little cloth roses for my mother as Valentine's Day gifts, but he moved up to jewelry about five years ago. This year, he bought her a gold necklace with heart-shaped rubies.

Somehow, Mom seemed happier when it was just cloth roses. Dad's the type of person who believes expensive gifts are the best, and focuses on finding the perfect "romantic" gift rather than trying to figure out what would make Mom happiest. She certainly seemed to like the necklace he gave her, but she'd probably have been just as happy or happier if he'd given her a new crockpot. Mom doesn't wear very much jewelry, but she loves crockpots and her old one is broken.

Sometimes men are really hopeless. *sigh*
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Today I made brownies! It's the first time in years I've really cooked anything. Maybe once every three or four months, I'll make myself something for lunch. Probably less than that, since usually I just have microwavable food. Sometimes I make myself sandwiches, but that's also very rare. I'm just not a cook of any kind. I got home late last night just in time to watch Jimmy finish off the brownies he'd baked earlier in the week, and for me to help finish off the cookies he'd apparently made at the same time.

Jimmy's the only person in the family who actually likes to cook, and that's really great because he's a very good cook. He messes up every once in a while, but he's just fourteen and he pouts for ages if things don't come out perfect. He sticks to sweets mostly, but he'll often start dinner. There are times he'll actually cook entire dinners, when Mom knows Dad will get hungry by the time she gets home from work, so she'll call ahead and tell Jimmy how to prepare it. I... never cook. Brian never cooks, and Dad rarely cooks. Mom cooks all the time, but she hates it probably just as much as I do. She's good at it, though. I love Mom's food, especially her spagetti.

Jimmy's the only person who'll make things from scratch, though. Damn, does he ever make really good cookies!

Today, for some reason, I just got the urge to bake some sort of sweet. All we had left was brownies and cake, and I decided to go for the brownies because we didn't have the kind of icing I wanted. They turned out okay, but I don't know if they're completely done. Jimmy keeps insisting they're fine, but I think he's just saying that. He says they're not completely cooled down, so that's why they seem a bit undone. He says they'll be perfect once they finish cooling. I don't know anything about it, so I'm taking his word for it. I'm pretty sure they're pretty cool, though... does it really make that much of a difference if brownies are still lukewarm rather than cool?

Still, they taste fine, so texture and such isn't that important, right? I'm a horrible cook and all, but I followed the directions exactly. Usually that works well for me! Sometimes... occasionally... every once in a while! I have no idea how I manage to mess up tv dinners so often. >.<; I hate cooking so very much.

...damn, I hope if I ever have kids that I don't have to cook for them, because they'd probably die from food poisoning. That'd really suck.
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Family is odd. Little bits of the worst and best of one another all mixed together into different combinations. It's so odd how the same gene pool can produce such radically different results.

I have Dad's hair, Mom's eyes, Dad's facial structure and Mom's body type. I have Mom's tendency for overemotional reactions and Dad's sarcastic yet playful nature. I have Dad's headaches, Mom's bad back and Dad's weak stomach.

I'm lazy, which is unique to me. I'm a reader, which is unique to me. I'm a dreamer, which is unique to me. When the rest of my family chooses math and science, I choose English and Social Studies. No one but me is so completely lacking common sense.

It seems to work out well most of the time.

--

That was a really long introduction into an exchange from the family Christmas party I had over two weeks ago and forgot to mention. After twenty minutes of explaining why being a manager is the worst idea in the entire world, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Greg finally got to the point of the whole conversation.

Aunt K: Don't ever be a manager, Jennie. It's the worst job in the world.
Me: Oh, I won't! I'm really lazy and I have no ambition.
Uncle G: ...
Aunt K: ...
Uncle G: ...it is good that she knows that about herself.
Aunt K: ...


For the rest of my life, I will always remember the look of appalled fascination on their faces. I'm going to treasure it.
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I woke up with the flu. )

*sigh* At least as an upside, I'll probably lose weight. Jimmy was sick for maybe two days, and he lost ten pounds.

That makes for a bad enough day, but it's what happened just a bit ago makes for one of the most frustrating, annoying and hateful days ever. I can't stop twitching.

Dad and Jim got home about forty-five minutes ago, and Dad, as usual, started his description of his daily activities. The exciting stuff, anyway. Exciting to him. That's all normal, but then... then... *twitch twitch*

Dad had his physical today! They gave him the normal whisper test, and he failed. It's not a surprise, Dad is very hard of hearing. I get so sick of repeating things to him over and over. So they got permission to do the secondary specialized hearing test, and that's when the torture starts.

Dad: I have a moderate loss of hearing in my left ear, and mild loss of hearing in my right ear.
Mom: Yeah, I can certainly believe that.
Dad: But I also have a severe loss of hearing in my left ear and moderately severe loss of hearing in my right ear of higher pitches...
Me: *grumbling sarcastically* That explain why he can't ever hear me.
Dad: *suddenly beaming* ...at about the same range as the pitch of a woman's voice.

Yes. My dad, the obnoxious ass, has the perfect excuse not to listen to my mother and I. It's on the official results of the physical test.

I can't... stop... twitching, and he can't... stop... grinning.

I suppose, thinking about it in retrospect, he was always asking Mom and I to repeat ourselves, but never the boys. *twitch* Sometimes, the more worked up over something I was, the less he could hear me. *twitch* When Mom starts whining, he usually can't get the gist of what she's saying. But of all the men in the entire world, why my father? *WORLD OF TWITCHING* Why that obnoxious, sarcastic, opportunistic bastard?! I love my dad very much, but anyone but him! Anyone!

Brian says he could sell that paper and make a fortune. Dad's holding it like it's manna from heaven. Jimmy's gleeful. Mom and I... are trying very hard to stop ourselves from strangling him.

Somehow, my flu seems so much less important right now. Somehow, I feel... that any future conversations with my father are going to be a living hell.
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ikarit: (various/ big happy family)
( Dec. 25th, 2005 12:48 pm)
Merry Christmas! I hope everyone is having a lovely one. :D

Mine's been pretty nice so far. Jimmy woke up at 5:30 this morning to get sick, and he's still looking rather gray, but it's not horrible despite that. It's sad, really, especially this year. It's Jimmy's Christmas this year. Brian and I got our cars back in October, and those were our Christmas present. Mom and Dad got us two little things just so we'd have something to open, and of course I had a present each from Brian and Jimmy and Brian had two presents from Jimmy and I, but it was really completely Jimmy's Christmas. He had presents upon presents upon presents!

He got an iPod mini, a new tv, lots of clothes, lots of accessories to go with the iPod... oh, and a new stand for his tv... Mom even wrapped the iPod in about eight successively bigger boxes. It would've been more fun if Jimmy wasn't so sick, but he still had a lot of fun. Brian got the iPod program stuff set up on the computer and loaded all Jimmy's songs for him, and Mom and Dad set up the tv. Jimmy just sat back and enjoyed! We all really had fun shoving gifts at him. It really was a very nice Christmas. :D

I suppose I might as well list what I got, though.

From Brian and Jimmy: two Aéropostale gift cards
From Mom and Dad: a pair of earmuffs and a running suit

I picked out the stuff from Mom and Dad, and I told Mom to have the boys get me gift cards from Aéropostale, so everything is pretty good. :D

I gotta go, though. Grandma and Grandpa are supposed to be here any minute!
I love my brothers. I really, truly love my brothers. The reason isn't often easily apparent, especially when they're being idiots, but they're really quite loveable.

Take earlier today for example. While having a verbal spat, Jimmy responded to one of Brian's taunts with the oh-so-clever "your mom!"

...huuuuuuuuuge collective facevault there.

Bri: Jimmy. We have the same mother.
Jim: Uh...
Bri: You did that yesterday too! Three times! *turns to me* He kept doing it over and over!
Me: You know what? He said that to me last week.

Brian took the opportunity to harass Jimmy about his poor comeback choice, using creative parodies of Jimmy's voice. It was really quite lovely, and completely reminded me why I adore the two of them.
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I think I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my family this weekend--my entire family--and I'm just thrilled about it. Tonight, all five of us were in the same room, just sitting and talking, for over an hour. I can't ever recall that happening before. Actually, from almost the moment I got home, I've been in the company of at least one member of my family.

I always feel so productive when I come home. After school first started, I spent my weekends at home lounging around in front of the computer, just like I do at school. But eventually, I was coming home because there were errands I needed to run, appointments I needed to go to, and things like that. This weekend is going to be pretty full of things to do, both planned and unplanned.

Today, I went out to dinner with Mom, Dad and Jimmy. On the way to dinner, Jimmy used his incredibly powers of persuasion to convince me to go to his indoor soccer game tonight (i.e. he made me feel guilty as hell). Tomorrow, I have a dentist appointment in the morning, after which I will pay a visit to my grandparents, and then Brian's birthday dinner is in the evening. After the dinner, there's the possibility that I might hang out with either an old friend named Pud, or if not, Angie. Saturday, Mom and I have chiropractor appointments in the morning and I will probably do some grocery shopping. In the evening, I might hang out with whichever person I didn't hang out with on Friday, depending on whether either one of them calls me this weekend. No plans at all for Sunday, but Mom might convince me to go church. It's unlikely, because I'll have gotten up early on the two days prior, but I kind of want to go. I might end up going on Saturday night if neither one of my friends calls me.

So! That's a rough sketch of my weekend. Who knows if it will actually turn out like that?

Tonight's highlight so far is that I got up the courage to mention the idea of spending a semester studying abroad with my parents. I've mentioned it a little in a few entries, I think, but nothing specific. It's an idea I've been toying with for a week or so. I've wanted to discuss it with them, but I've been worried about their reaction. I knew it was more than likely they would completely disapprove. It's actually kind of understandable, knowing me and some of my history with making impulsive decisions.

When I get an idea in my head, it's very hard to get it out again. I get completely invested in it, even more if my parents try to argue with me, and push forward full steam ahead. Usually, I continue pushing until the very last moment, usually when it's too late to back out gracefully, and then I get cold feet and totally freak out. My parents have seen it a million times from me. I know I do it, but I always think that I can handle it.

When we had our family togetherness, I decided it was a good time to broach the topic. They weren't ecstatic about the idea, like I expected, but they weren't as against it as I thought they'd be. Dad immediately said that it wasn't safe to travel out of the country with all the terrorism. I said the company had very good safety standards, and specific plans in cases of emergency. Dad said I wouldn't like being away from home for that long, and pointed out that lately I've been coming home every other weekend. If I get homesick at school, he said I can come home, but that if I leave to study abroad and decide I want to come home once I get there, I can't do that. I said it's true that I've been coming home a lot, but it's not because I'm homesick. It's because I want to spend time with them.

I mentioned that with the program I'm looking at, there's an opportunity to go on trips around the country, and go to Paris for weekends. Mom randomly mentioned that it's currently not safe to travel in France because of the riots, even though that won't be the case in a year when I want to go. I suppose her main point was that it can get dangerous over they very suddenly. My response was that about a month ago there was a riot in the city my university is located. There's danger here, too! She fell back on the 'how are you going to afford it' question she always uses, but it's actually not much more expensive than my regular uni. I'll easily be able to come up with the difference, along with some extra to cover any traveling or shopping I'd want to do.

Even though they had all these reasons why it was a bad idea, they weren't actually as against the idea as I thought they'd be. I thought Dad would immediately say I wasn't allowed to do it (probably not in those terms, but with the same meaning), and that it was a ridiculous idea. I know I don't actually need their permission, but I'd rather like to have it anyway. It would be nearly impossible for me to do it without their permission, and even if I could manage it, I wouldn't want to. Emotionally, that would be too difficult for me to handle. Despite their mostly negative reaction, I know they'll support me if I decide it's what I want to do. They understand how beneficial it will be for me to do it, and they definitely know it's something I've always dreamed of doing.

They both seemed to feel a lot better after I assured them I haven't made my decision. Like I said, I usually get stuck on an idea and won't let it go. To everyone's surprise (including my own), that just isn't the case with this. Even looking at it now, knowing that I wouldn't even be going for over a year, it's a very scary idea. I'm not sure that I could handle it. If I do it, it will be, undoubtedly, the most stressful thing I have ever tried to do. There's every possibility I could have another breakdown. Right now, I know all that, and imagining the repercussions of some of the possible problems is just plain scary. So like I said, they've seen how I can be when I'm single-mindedly pursuing something I want to do, and knowing that I'm honestly considering this from every angle clearly put them at ease.

It also helped that there's one spontaneous decision of mine that was not a failure: going away to school. Out of nowhere, after I'd dropped out of college and made every indication that I was never going back, I suddenly told them I'd decided I was going back to college and that I wanted to go far enough away that I wouldn't be able to live at home like I had before. They were... skeptical, to say the least, when I told them that. I've always gotten incredibly homesick, never been able to be away from my house for more than two weeks at a time. Not once in my entire life. Not to mention my bad history with sudden, major decisions. They went along with me because I absolutely refused to consider going back to the local school, but they had their doubts. Mom, especially, didn't want me to go away.

I didn't back out like they probably suspected I would, and to my own surprise, I didn't get homesick at all. For a while, I didn't come home for a month and a half. I wouldn't have come home even then, but I needed Brian's friend to fix my computer. I actually didn't want to go home. Once I got home, though, I remembered why I loved it so much, and I've been coming back every two weeks since then. Still, it's not because I get homesick. It's because I want to spend time with them. Oh, and I love driving my new car. I never get to drive it at school, because I have to take a bus to get to the freshman parking lot. That sucks. Here at home, it's right outside the door. :D Um, anyway. Yes! I like spending time with them.

With one non-failure under my belt, it's easier for them to imagine that I'll be okay with studying abroad if I do decide I can do it. Now I just have to figure out if I can do it, and if I can, whether I really want to. Because even if studying abroad has always been my dream, I've got a new appreciation for my family. I don't honestly know if I want to be away from them for at least four months. It seems corny, but I'm a family girl at heart. I'm like my mother in that respect; she still sees her parents several times a week. It will just be a matter of looking deep inside myself and figuring out whether my dream or my family takes precidence.

It's not such an easy decision as I thought it would be.
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It started with Jimmy informing me of a disturbing fact I hadn't known BUT SHOULD HAVE )

And then I started talking to Brian! )

And in conclusion, I'm left wondering, "why am I the only person in my family who can type, spell and use proper grammar?"
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I'm really getting sloppy with my schoolwork. I waited until the last minute to do my French homework, and ended up doing the wrong chapters. I didn't realize it until I got to class, either. No use crying over spilled milk, though. I managed to do a bit of studying for my Astronomy exam, but I don't think I'll get an A.

A few months ago, [livejournal.com profile] cowgirled linked some torrents for Gundam Seed, and I just now got around to watching the first few episodes. It wasn't laziness, first it was because I was still at home with my slower connection and my really bad computer. Not only that, but it was shortly before I was supposed to move into the dorm, so it was totally pointless to download onto a computer that I wouldn't have access to in a short while, and off which it is very difficult to burn CDs. Then, at school, my computer had that freezing problem. Really, I started downloading the first moment it was possible for me, but so far I've only got the first four or five episodes. This morning, I watched the first three, and it seems pretty good.

Well, good enough that I'm dying to watch more. I was almost late to class because I wanted to watch just one more, and then I almost decided to wait to drive home, to watch just one more, and seriously considered not coming home at all to finish watching all the ones I've got so far. I'm not madly obsessed with it, but I'm definitely very intrigued. I can't wait for Sunday, to finish watching.

Usually, when I start watching a series, I have to seriously remind myself to keep watching it. It takes me a while to really get into a series, so to speak. For example, my favorite series to date, Naruto! I hated it at first, thought it was disgusting and stupid. I forced myself to watch the first sixteen episodes or so just because I'd heard it was that good, and then I couldn't take it anymore. At that point, I'd already downloaded the first fifty episodes, so I burned them to CD and basically forgot about them. It wasn't until I had a fluke internet disconnection--I think after a thunderstorm--that I got so bored I decided to continue watching the series out of sheer boredom. It figured that it got good just after the point I stopped watching, and I was totally hooked by the time my internet came back. :D

So yeah, I think it's significant that I'm that interesting in continuing to watch the series. God only knows, however, how I'm going to get the rest of it. I don't know if I can FIND anymore of it. The torrent I'm downloading now is the first twenty-five episodes and I don't know anything beyond that. *crosses fingers* It'll be a while before I get through those, though. It took about... ah... god, definitely longer than two weeks to finish downloading even the episodes I have now. So it'll be a while before I'm finished. I don't have anything really to say about it, because nothing significant has really happened so far, but... I think I'll like it very much.

After I got home, I went to visit Grandma at the hospital. Dad suggested it, originally, because he and Mom couldn't go up there tonight because it's the last football game, so they want to see Jimmy in the band one last time. So it was Dad's idea, but I was delighted because I hadn't thought of it and I knew Grandma would be so happy if I did. I stayed for a few hours before coming home. It was... scary. Definitely pretty scary. I know she's going to be fine, and that she's just recovering, but she looks so... so... frail. Her lips are white, and her voice is soft and thready, and she seems so infirm and it's scary for me to see her like that. But she's fine, and... she's fine. She's an eighty year old woman who just had her kidney removed! She's doing about as well as is possible for someone in that situation. It's just that seeing her really drove in that she's... she's not always going to be there. But she's still here now, and that's what I need to be focusing on. She's absolutely fine.

I've got a chiropractor appointment tomorrow morning at 9:45. I'm dreading getting up that early, but living with the neck and back pain is just not acceptable anymore. I'm going to keep going back every time I come home until it's gone. It's interfering with my schoolwork, and my health, and I'm not going to put off getting it fixed any more.

I'm really exhausted, actually. It would be a good idea for me to go to bed in the next half hour, and it's been a really long day, so I'll probably end up doing that. Too bad, though, I haven't gotten to see Mom or Jim yet at all, because I left to go visit Grandma before they got home.
ikarit: (sasuke/ you & me)
( Oct. 26th, 2005 05:37 pm)
Grandma made it through surgery just fine. :D I was vaguely worried, trying my best not to think about it, but she's fine. Sleeping most of the time, but fine.

There was a one inch lump in her kidney, and they're having it tested to see if it's benign or not, but they said even if it's not, she'll still be fine because it didn't spread anywhere outside of her kidney. There was also, apparently, a two inch kidney stone with - as the doctors phrased it - a lot of 'fingers'. So despite my grandfather's hopes, they did have to remove all of it.

It feels like there's a huge weight lifted off my chest. She's been so weak these past few months, I just was worried she couldn't take it. But she's fine, she's absolutely fine.
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ikarit: (various/ big happy family)
( Oct. 20th, 2005 07:56 pm)
...why does Jimmy always get offline right after I start a chat with him? ;_; Wrrrrrrrrry?!
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Wow, there was a lot more traffic than I expected for a late Tuesday afternoon. Through downtown, especially. Huh. And it wasn't uni students heading back, either.

I ran a few errands this morning, picked up some things (NAIL POLISH--blue with sparkles! I just finished putting it on) at the supermarket, then came home just in time to have that lunch with Mom. That is to say, she had lunch and I talked to her. Then I sat around for another hour or so until it was time to pick Jimmy up.

I seriously did only stay that long just so I could pick him up. It was worth it, though. I got a good-bye hug before I left for my efforts~! I love Jimmy-hugs. They're the best.

Got in at about 4:45, unpacked, sat around for a bit while removing my old nail polish, had dinner at 5:30, then went to drop off my car at the freshman parking lot. I got in at just the right time--close spot, and there was hardly anyone else there, so the bus didn't sit around for twenty minutes waiting for students. Heee.

Then I came back to my room and put on the blue sparkly nail polish. So pretty. @_@ *staring at nails*

I only had dinner an hour ago, but I'm already hungry again. I know I didn't eat much--yucky food, and they were out of a lot of stuff they weren't replacing because they were just about to close--but that's kind of ridiculous.

Maybe I'm just sick again. That would make more sense.
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*sigh*

Last weekend, when I came home for a visit, Mom and Dad cornered me at some point to give me bad news. Apparently, there'd been some kind of attempt to hide some facts from me for as long as possible, because they didn't want to upset me.

Grandma's been having trouble walking for the past couple of months. She's always been weak, and slow, but she's always been able to get around on her own, mostly. But not anymore. She has to use a walker. That's not the problem--people get older, and these things happen. The problem is that when they did some tests on her back to figure out what was wrong, they found a spot on her kidney. Eventually, they decided they were going to have to remove it. Her kidney, I mean.

So apparently for a while, they've known she's going to be having major surgery and didn't tell me because they didn't want me to panic. It was odd for me to hear them say that, because usually it's Grandma from whom we withhold information to save distress. Not me. I never wanted that to be me, either.

But... just odd. It hit me, as they were talking. I didn't feel upset. I felt... numb. Just numb. A sense of horror overshadowed by complete numbness. The thoughts, "Grandma's weak. Grandma gets sick a lot. Grandma isn't strong, Grandma could die," kept repeating in my head. Then again, over and over in my mind, "Grandma could die." The more I thought it, the more numb I became.

And the second the conversation ended, I forgot about it. What the hell is wrong with me? Who's numb over that, who forgets it the second the conversation is done? I didn't even think about it again, seriously, until tonight, when they mentioned that she has pre-op tomorrow morning. And then that horrid feeling of numbness over fear, and then the forgetting. I forgot about it until just this second.

But I have to be numb and I have to forget it, because if I think about it, I really will panic. Or maybe I'm just on too many anti-depressants and anti-stress medications to panic. Maybe I'm some kind of robot.

I do know that no matter how much I don't think about it now, the second this is over and done with and she comes through fine, I will be near faint from relief. I will probably lie in bed at night and thank god for her health.

If she doesn't come through okay, though, I know I will never forgive myself for being unable to worry about her. Not ever.
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My grandparents came to visit earlier tonight, while Dad was watching Nascar. So while we talked, we were all watching the race.

Me: Hey, mass pit stop.
Grandma: My favorite part is watching them servicing the cars.
Me: ...*CHOKE, stifling laughter VERY BADLY*
Mom: ...
Grandma: What?
Me: NOTHING. *points suddenly* Oh my god, what's that?!
Dad: ...that guy's driving with the gas can still hanging off his car.
Me: *collapses into hysterics*

I love my family. So, so much. ♥
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Dad surprised me this morning, and I've been on Cloud Nine ever since.

Mom and I went to the bank at 9am this morning, and then right to the eye doctor's after that. I now have money and glasses that do not slip down my nose. Win!

After we got home, Dad walked by my room at about 10:30 to tell me that he needed Mom and I to run an errand with him. Brian's car broke down last week, and he'd driven Mom's car back to school while she used our grandparents' suburban. Brian's car is fixed, so Dad needed to bring the suburban back, and he said we had to do something else first. He was very vague, but dismissive. He didn't explain why I needed to come along, and I didn't ask, only told him he was being very "mysterious." He found my word choice amusing, but I was just happy to spend time with my family after a nearly a month at school.

So we left for the errand, and if I wondered why we were driving so far, I didn't ask. I was curious, but Dad does these sort of "secret" things every once in a while, and I knew there was no way I could pry it out of him before he was ready to tell. Besides, Mom and Jim were along too, and they weren't asking either. Mostly I just stared out the window because I like Ohio countryside.

We pulled into a nearby town, and I was interested to see the buildings. The town has this huge insurance agency in a beautiful old mansion. It's a nice showpiece for the town, and I always love to see it. So were talking about that, and then all of a sudden, Dad says, "Jennie, I guess I could tell you where we're going now."

That was a bit of a surprise. Not that he was telling, but that he was addressing me specifically. That implied the mysterious errand we were on was for me.

It was.

"Jennie," he said, "I got two new cars for you and Brian."

He kept talking, giving what was probably pertinent information, but I was still stuck on his new sentence. Couldn't figure out if he was serious or not. I mean, two new cars? A new car for me? I wanted a new car more than anything, mine's old and rickety and rusty, but... I knew I would never be able to afford to buy one. So I was in shock, Dad was prattling on and we pulled into a car dealership.

Well, it wasn't a joke. He bought two 2005 Chevy Cavaliers, one red and one blue. I've got the red one, and I've been driving it all day. I'm still in shock... apparently everyone knew but me. Even if some people didn't know Dad had already bought them, they knew that he was looking. Even Brian knew. Half the neighborhood knew. And no one... no one told me. No one even let on to it! No side grins, no whispering, just... normal. They acted completely NORMAL.

Dad's happy, too. Because he loves to surprise people with gifts, and he's always horribly disappointed if they don't react well enough. I... reacted well enough. I'm still reacting well enough. At random moments, I will start squealing out of nowhere because it hits me all over again. I bounced over half the car lot, hugged my parents like mad, drooled all over the cars, squealed until everyone went deaf, bragged to every single person I've seen since then... yeah, Dad was satisfied with my reaction, all right.

They even put a little bow on the hood of the car for me. :D And I got to pick which color car, because Brian didn't care.

Okay, squealing moment coming on. OH MY GOD, I HAVE A NEW CAR, A NEW CAR!!!!! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! Yes, Ilana, I swear you will get pictures. Sometime. I really need a digital camera...

Well. In case anyone is wondering, the second I set sight on my beautiful new car, I forgave Dad any wrong he'd ever done me. Including the graduation day incident that I've tried my best to forget, but about which I sometimes still have flashbacks and nightmares.

ETA: Oh, forgot to explain WHY he got the cars. Apparently, ever since Brian and I went away to school, Dad has been worried sick out of his mind because our cars aren't exactly ideal for highways. Mine's twelve years old, and while good, things do eventually wear out. And Brian's, obviously, breaks down a lot. Mom said if he worried much more, he'd end up in the hospital. It might seem like she was being hyperbolic, and she might have been, but I doubt it. Dad has a lot of high blood pressure and cholesterol problems, and stress is not good for him. I guess Brian's car muffler falling off during his four hour drive to school last week was the last straw, because when he drove down to pick up the car, he told Brian he was getting a new one.
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ikarit: (various/ big happy family)
( Oct. 7th, 2005 11:04 pm)
It's the first time I've seen my whole family in... um... well, since before I left in August, I believe. Shocking! Brian and I have never come home on the same weekend before. It's nice. I have a whole list of errands I have to run this weekend, starting at 9am tomorrow morning, but it'll still be nice. Plus, my money problems will be solved, and that is a huge relief by itself.

Already one thing is crossed off the list, though! Haircut is done. And very nice, if I do say so myself. :D I heartily approve of it! I really need a digital camera or something...
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ikarit: (kate/ it's a good year for a murder)
( Sep. 10th, 2005 10:25 am)
I do not care WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE, but whatever stupid little shits thought it'd be brilliant to throw mustard, flour, egg and tiny cut-up squares of paper all over our yard and my car NEEDS A GOOD PUNCH IN THE FACE.

Not because of the mustard, flour, egg and paper, but because they used it to write DIE JIMMY on my car.

I swear to god, if I ever find out who did it, I will be paying a visit to their goddamned house and there will be slapping and screaming.
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ikarit: (neji/ all I really want is some justice)
»

...

( Aug. 16th, 2005 12:17 am)
Seriously, where is my brother? Because it's one thing to have my old computer torn apart on my bed in the middle of the day, but it is completely another to have it there at night when I want to go to sleep.

Also, am still without music. Am going to start ripping my hair out in fistfuls if I have to spend much longer on a soundless computer. NO REALLY.

(My new computer really does totally kick ass, though. ♥♥)
ikarit: (sakura/ defeat)
( Aug. 14th, 2005 03:42 pm)
Goddammit, why does my memory suck? Because I found a gift card in my wallet the other day and couldn't remember where I'd gotten it. So of course I spent it!

...it turns out that it was Mom's, and I was most assuredly not supposed to spend it. So now I owe her $50 and I DO NOT HAVE $50.
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Doesn't anyone love me?!

(Translation: Mom bought a stinky, used mini-fridge for $20, and she wants me to clean it.)
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ikarit: (naruto/ towards your dream)
»

!!!

( Aug. 9th, 2005 06:28 pm)
Dad is telling Mom that I sat and hugged my new computer for ten minutes when he showed it to me.

HE LIES.
So the other day, I was talking to Brian. I've been thinking about what will happen when I leave for school--the second I leave, it will be the end of our sibling relationship as we know it. He'll be gone, I'll be gone. His school is on the other side of the state. It's three hours from our house--it's at least four hours from my school.

We'll both be home for weekends occasionally--though not necessarily the same weekends, and holidays, but... I will likely never live full-time in the same house as Brian ever again. That's... really sad for me to think about, because we're not close siblings. Brian is independent and practically different from me in every way. Growing up, we defined sibling rivalry. There were times we were close, but that ended by the time I hit ten. For a time, he was practically a stranger to me. That's only changed because I've been making an effort even if he isn't.

Our family has a history of dismal sibling relationships, after all... or at least my dad does. )

I'm not asking for something ridiculous, like daily phone chats or even weekly phone chats. I thought I'd like to have his MSN username so I could say hi to him every once in a while.

In a much shorter and simpler terms than in this post, I told this to Brian. As expected, he rolled his eyes. He's an emotionally distant guy, and I'm his older sister. He doesn't much care whether he keeps in contact with me or not--he's probably looking forward to not dealing with me. That's the way he acts, anyway. How he really feels is a mystery to all but himself. So when Mom and I were driving up to Toledo yesterday, I told her I was worried about not having a good relationship with him.

Mom says he really probably does think about it--her actual words were something like "he's sad about it too," but that is clearly wishful thinking--but is just too macho to show it. Then she got frustrated, because she knew that whatever he might or might not really be thinking, he won't act on any feelings of sibling affection. Whatever, that wasn't the point.

The point was that a few hours after we got home... the second she remembered our conversation in the car... Mom came running to me with his MSN username. She had it in her address book (well, okay--a spiral notebook with random people's emails listed).

And that, my dear friends, is really awesome manipulation. :D Also known as knowing your mother really, really well.

Well, fine. It's not that awesome, but I got what I wanted in the end so it worked.

In case anyone is wondering why I'm not talking about losing the really close relationship I have with my youngest brother, Jimmy... that would be because I'm not worried about losing it. With Jimmy, I probably will need to call him once a week or even once a day. That might be exaggerating a bit, but I know it will be easy to stay close to him. I am, however, worried that he might get used to no one calling him silly nicknames like "sweet honey dumpling face" and demanding giant hugs... that would be a tragedy for him, because I have no intention of ceasing those activities. Ever.
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ikarit: (sasuke/ hate you [super cute])
( Jul. 20th, 2005 03:23 pm)
I need to kill my mother, and I have to cause her an excruciating amount of pain before I do it.

When I told her I wanted to have the chiropractor appointment she'd offered to pay for, she blithely handed me the money without telling me that the new chiropractor is a very, very cute guy not too much older than me.

When I walked into the door afterwards, the phone was ringing. It was Mom calling to see if I was back yet. Her response when I raged (squeaked) incoherently about cute doctors? "Oh, yeah... hahaha... well, you wouldn't have believed me."

I am going to kill her.

So I went to the chiropractor wearing no makeup and having just blown my hair dry. I looked like crap. And gaped like a fish when he walked into the room and smiled at me. And proceeded to babble through his very nice attempts at conversation.

Oh, god. I am going to kill her.

I did, however, get my back and neck fixed, and I have an ice pack tied to my back right this second (long story). I have also decided that the second I feel a twinge of something that could be back or neck pain, I'm making another appointment and this time, putting on makeup and doing my hair.

Maybe I shouldn't kill her, because she'd be paying for all future appointments, too. Hm.
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Lindsay and I both had to work yesterday, so we went to the gym this morning. I just got back, and these two conversations happened just as I walked in the door. They're both about summer gym class... today was Jimmy's last day.

Me: *walks in*
Bri: *stares*
Bri: You didn't pick up Jimmy?!
Me: *panics*
Me: You were supposed to! Mom said you said you would! Mom said I didn't have to! We had a whole conversation about it last night! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!
Bri: No, I wasn't! You were!
Me: You were! Mom said!
Jim: *walks in the room*
Me: ...
Me: BRIAN, YOU UTTER BASTARD!
Bri: *laughing his ass off*
Bri: Jimmy, why'd you have to walk in now?! I had her going!
Me: I HATE YOU! YOU UTTER BASTARD! AUGH!

I was laughing despite myself. ^-^; BUT THEN! TWO SECONDS LATER! WHEN I'D STOPPED THROWING A FIT!

Me: Hey, Jimmy, you went swimming today, right?
Jim: *confused*
Jim: No.
Me: *totally confused*
Me: Then who was the group of kids I saw at the Y today? I thought that was your group... your teachers were there!
Jim: *shrugs*
Me: Oh... then what did you do?
Jim: Went swimming at the Y.
Me: ...
Me: I HATE YOU BOTH! OH MY GOD, I HATE YOU BOTH!

Why am I so gullible?! WHY?
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Just before 10 tonight, Jimmy decided (for reasons unknown to man or beast) to cook eggs for himself. Lovely, delicious, sunny-side up eggs. Yum.

When Brian saw Jimmy cooking eggs, he decided that he wanted eggs and (most likely) demanded that Jimmy make some for him, too! Jimmy (most definitely) refused, so Brian scowled and made his own eggs.

When I came home from work and saw one brother eating eggs and the other making them, I demanded that one of them make eggs for me, too! They both refused. Brian laughed, that rat fink. Jimmy, at least, had an excuse; he needed to take a shower. And he didn't laugh. He gets a bonus point in the best little brother contest I just decided to have.

I had to make my own eggs. How shocking! Usually I can at least convince one of them to do it for me. I have no idea why they agree to do it for me, but I think it's best I don't question my luck.

I did have to clean my navel ring first. Sometime during the five and a half hours at work, it became undeniably infected. (Before I went to work, it was deniable.) Augh. I called Angie on my way to my car, and asked her what it was she'd told me to use in the case of infection. She said Desitin Creamy.

...why is something used to treat diaper rash an effective treatment for an infected piercing?

I was really surprised when Angie answered her cell. I'd expected her to be at work, but she said that she was in Sandusky. She and Michael (her fiancé) are going to Cedar Point tomorrow. Funny, because L's going the day after tomorrow. Coincidence! I, of course, am not going at all. Ever. I like roller coasters, but not enough to put up with the boring drive. If it were next door and I could come home in five minutes, that would be okay. Otherwise, not so much.

Let's see... in other news, I talked to [livejournal.com profile] naatz about serious stuff. Me, her, depression, liars, dragging down... all sorts of good things. I'm kinda worried about her. She's okay, but having trouble with a friend. Still, on another level it was nice. We don't talk as much as we used to, and I miss that. We do end up arguing a lot when we talk, because we're both stubborn people with different opinions on a lot of things we feel strongly about, but... Netta! Talking with Netta is happy times.

Yes, now I'm done. I had more to say, but... I've gone topic crazy! Look at all the tags! I think it's time to end this entry. I'll just talk about the rest some other time! Sometime when I'm less exclamation point happy!
Jimmy: I'm going over to Ryan's. I've got my cell phone. *hugs*
Me: Okay-kay! *hugs back*
Jimmy: Bye.
Me: Wuv you!
Jimmy: Love you too.

I've got him trained so well.
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ikarit: (naruto/ sleepy head)
( Jun. 27th, 2005 12:17 am)
Yes! We have food in the house! Mom hates grocery shopping, so she puts it off as long as possible. When it's no longer possible to go without, she'll go to the store, but will only get a few things. So today I put my foot down and insisted that she really go shopping. I went with her to ensure this would happen! We got so much that it wouldn't fit in the trunk, so I had to fill up the back seat too. XD;; But yummy stuff!

We got our air conditioning back Saturday around noon, so all our doors and windows are firmly shut. Mom and Dad are very obsessive serious about this. All those groceries, and I had to open and close the door each time I came inside. It was not easy. There was juggling involved.

OMG I got an iced cappucino thingie OMG!! *glee*

I'm really, really tired. Really. I got about six hours of sleep at the very most the past two nights. More than likely closer to four or five hours. But... Truth or Dare thread in [livejournal.com profile] campfuckudie!! ♥ ♥ ♥

I'll go to bed soon. Probably.
Holy shit, I just had the crap scared out of me. @_@ My heart is still going crazy, and it's been a half an hour or so! I had to turn my computer back on just to post about it.

I'm all ready for bed... I was just rereading Gravitation, so my reading light was on, right by my window. My open window. You know, how I mentioned leaving all the windows open creeps me out? YEAH, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO GUESS WHERE THIS IS GOING.

I'm reading my book, totally absorbed, and then all of a sudden, I hear in this ghostly-sounding whisper, "oh, thank god! Jennie!"

...I have no idea how I managed to stop myself from shrieking, but I did. For the five seconds it took to make out his face, I couldn't tell who it was an I thought I was going to be murdered in my sleep. Or something... since I wasn't sleeping... in my bed! Yeah, murdered in my bed. But I finally figured out what I was looking at: Jimmy standing outside my window and looking desperately relieved.

I went from terror to confusion in like two seconds flat. I think he said a few things, but my mind was mostly on things like, "what the fuck?" and "the hell?" and just plain "????????" I think the jist was something close to, "oh, thank god, Jennie! The back door is locked, go open it! I can't get inside!"

Me: ...uh... what are you doing outside?
Jimmy: I WENT TOILET PAPERING, JUST GO UNLOCK THE DOOR PLEASE.
Me: ...uh... right, then...

Totally freaked me the hell out. Once I let him in as quietly as possible, he was all giddy because he'd gotten away with it. Jesus, why do my brothers do these stupid things? First Brian with the porn, and now Jimmy with his... law-breaking nighttime jaunts.

...but now I have blackmail material on both of them, which can only mean good things are ahead! Even if Brian's blackmail came at the expense of my innocent mind, and Jimmy's nearly made me pee myself.
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Waaaah, definitely have some kind of knee issues. I went to the gym with Lindsay for the first time in over a week today (various reasons for that--actually, I can say with all honesty that it's all Lindsay's fault~!), and when I got on the stationary bike, it started to hurt almost straight away. Hm... I wonder what it is.

For a while after I got off the bike, I worried I'd be limping for a while. At first, my legs were all jiggly and felt like jelly, so I couldn't feel anything, but when I was standing around waiting for Lindsay to finish using the Nautilus machines (I'm not doing those until see a chiropractor about my neck), it really started to hurt. But it went away, and now it's fine. I hope it doesn't do that again... it's never done it before. I probably just twisted it when I started pedaling on the stationary bike or something.

I really need to schedule an appointment with my doctor to talk about my recent spats of depression, and my wrist pain, and just to let him know I've been fainting. He knew I'd fainted before, but he doesn't know that I've fainted twice so far this year (and considering there were five to ten years between my first and my second spells, and at least seven years between my second and third, I think it's something I should mention). I think it might be because I'm hypoglycemic, but the last time I talked to him about that, he said that to test for hypoglycemia, you have to test while you're feeling lightheaded from not eating or whatever.

Now I know about fasting blood sugars, and I want to know why that test won't work. @_@ Why won't it? I suppose it doesn't matter, like he said... even if I'm hypoglycemic, it's still the same situation. I need to stop forgetting to eat. That's probably the real reason I've had two fainting spells this year... I'm eating a lot less than I used to, and sometimes actually forgetting meals--until recently, an unheard of situation for me. No real reason for this, it's just that I'm not so hungry these days. Still, I want to mention it to him just so he knows, and I would like to know for sure whether I am hypoglycemic or not.

Unfortunately, I just took my last Wellbutrin, so I either need to get more samples from him, or have them call in a prescription to a pharmacy. If they have to call in a prescription, I cannot really afford to go to the doctor's office too... medication is expensive. So when they call back about that, if they have samples, I'll make a doctor's appointment and if they don't, I'll wait a few weeks. Hopefully I will be fine until then! It's nothing major, anyway, just having trouble dealing with stress.

I want to take Ginger for a walk, but I'm so lazy. *whimper*

Hey! Mom just came home, yay! For lunch. She brought strawberries, too... she says they're "extra flavorful" because they're home grown. She's very excited. Really, they look kind of deformed for strawberries, and not at all appetizing.
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Dad: *cheeky grin* Hey, are you going to come to Jimmy's 7:15am game tomorrow?
Me: *shifty* Ah... I'm busy.
Dad: ...
Me: ...
Dad: Staring at the inside of your eyelids?
Me: Er. Yeah.

Finally caved and googled Bleach manga. Have downloaded the first three volumes so far, read the first two. So, so good. Augh, I curse myself with yet ANOTHER fandom!

Ichigo is <333333.
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ikarit: (sakura/ omfg)
»

...

( Jun. 15th, 2005 01:41 pm)
...I don't know whether to scream, wash my brain out with acid, laugh my ass off, or cry.

I just caught Brian looking at porn.
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Jimmy's sick again! He had a really high fever on Friday, it was over 102 degrees Fahrenheit at one point... not sure what point it was at. Saturday he was much better, yesterday he was... okay... and today he's horrible again. Mom woke me up this morning to ask if I could take him to the doctor. I couldn't, but it was a good thing anyway. I'd set my alarm clock wrong and I needed to get up to go to the gym (I went early today because I had a doctor's appointment--neurologist!). It's too bad, because I'd really wanted to be the one to take him if Mom couldn't--I'd even offered to take him on Saturday!

So anyway, Brian took him instead, and it turns out that it's some kind of viral infection, and he has a low white blood cell count. They're going to draw more blood on Wednesday morning to see if his count has gone up... if it hasn't, they'll figure out what to do. In the meantime, he's supposed to rest and take it easy to get his white blood cell count up. Rest a lot.

He's spent basically the whole day watching tv covered in a blanket... if nothing else, that would be a huge giveaway that he's sick. It was in the high 80s today, and our air conditioner is broken. It was sweltering, and he was wearing a blanket! Poor baby. He just about broke my heart, too. I thought he was not being entirely serious, but Mom says I might be wrong...

While I was passing by the living room, Jimmy called me in, looking adorable serious and sick. "Jennie," he says, "I've got a dangerously low blood... blood..." "Not dangerously low, just low. And it's white blood cell count," I told him. He nodded, still looking serious. "Can people die from that?"

...can people die from that...

I tried not to laugh, I really did. Really! But I think I sort of failed. He didn't look upset, though. I told him that no, you can't, it's the illnesses you get from having a low white blood cell count that kills you. Like AIDS, I said, somewhat cheerfully. He nodded, still looking completely adorably serious. I told him he was fine. I started to walk away, but I looked back and he looked so sick and little... I ran back to give him a giant hug--NO I AM NOT AN ENABLER DON'T TALK TO ME!

Then he hit me up to go get him some decongestants and ibuprofen, which just goes to show that he uses any opportunity to get what he wants. Cutie! He'd hit me up for a Sprite earlier. I absolutely don't mind getting them (actually, I considered handing him the phone and telling him to call my cell whenever he needed anything, so he wouldn't have to shout across the house--not that he ever shouted, he waited until I came out to do something--but I didn't), but still, it's sneaky! I think he was just trying to play up his sickness in order to get me to do things for him, but Mom thinks he was serious. Oh, well. It's funny either way, except that if it's the latter, I have to worry that he thinks he might die. Which is, of course, less funny.

He got Mom to make a special trip just to get him ice cream, though, so I'm thinking he's just playing it up for all it's worth.
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My little brother is now a high school graduate. I feel OLD. But I got to wear a pretty dress, so I didn't mind that much. And then I got to talk to like a million bazillion family and friends, so I definitely didn't mind, even if they kept asking me what I was up to these days. I dislike that. Still, it was a nice day. Ungodly hot, but nice!

I'm not talking weather when I say nice. ^-^;

Oooh, and there was cake! I like cake. Didn't have much, but the little I had was yummy.

I was oddly pleased on another note, too. A lot of my kids from my class had siblings in my grade, so I saw several people I graduated with today. None of them were my friends... or people I liked, really... and I didn't talk to any of them except the neighbor guy who came to the party, and even then I only waved at him (I wanted to talk to him and his mom, but I just couldn't get up the nerve before he left--he wasn't there that long), but still, it was nice.

The graduation ceremony was really nice, too. Long and somewhat boring, but much better than mine. The singers were actually good! And Brian's ex-girlfriend was one of them, and she's still a good friend, so I was pretty excited. They had fewer bad speeches than we did, too.

I wish I could remember who I walked with when I graduated... ahahaha. ^-^;

Still, the highlight of my day was wearing that pretty dress. And coordinating jewelry! And then coming home and changing into capris (white cargo-like) and a shirt and then wearing coordinating jewelry for that! And stuff. I got to look good today. Except for all the sweating, uck. Stupid heat.
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Here is some of my beautiful, wonderful mother's wisdom on this, her special honorary day as a mother~!


While we're both getting ready:

Me: *grabs curling iron to take to other bathroom, because Mom is brushing her teeth*
Mom: No, stay! I'm walking away! WALKING AWAY! Like you should do when there's bad stuff! Like Stabler* should do! JUST WALK AWAY!
Me: ...are you accusing me of something?
Mom: No, I'm just saying.

* She's referring to a character from Law and Order: SVU.

While I'm getting ready:

Mom: Ginger! *talking to dog, who is doing absolutely nothing but staring at us* You're a menace to society! A menace, do you hear me! *giggles*


Asking her opinion:

Me: How's the back of my hair look?
Mom: *messes with a curl* I don't know, how is it supposed to look?
Me: ...I don't know. GOOD?


And now I'm late for church. ACK!
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