It seems most of my life at this point is anticipation and expectations.. I'm anticipating a new job--the same job I was nominally hired for last April and never came through. Expectation is a month and a half, currently. I'm anticipating having my loans paid off. Expectation is August or September, given my current rate of repayment. I'm anticipating being able to move out on my own and be self-sufficient. Expectation is anywhere from a year and a half to two years.

I like structure. I really love structure, actually. So it's great to know these things, and have these goals and have the time frame down. And it's exciting, and positive, and it's really kind of obvious I'm focused on these things because I keep mentioning them in my very rare posts.

It's just... the most exciting things that've happened to me lately have been that I've figured out workarounds for my procrastination. I've always been an odd mix of qualities--I love doing things on time, but I'm a procrastinator and lazy. You put something in front of me, and I'll wander off to do something else. I can't keep focused. So instead of paying my bills when I get paid, I'll put it off for a week or two, and before you know it, it's my next paycheck and I still haven't paid bills with the last. And that's just... frustrating. So I've started paying my bills before I get paid. We get paid on Fridays, but we can look at our paychecks the Wednesday before payday. I've started paying my bills then instead. I have more in my savings than I get in a paycheck, so I transfer the amount I want from my savings, and then pay bills. Since I get direct deposit into my savings, it works out perfectly. No work for me on payday! And since I don't feel pressured to do it, and I feel clever for thinking of it, I've managed to pay my bills on that Wednesday with no procrastination at all. Knowing that I can procrastinate if I want seems to do the trick.

I do the same thing with getting gas. I fill up every week, even though the tank is always still three-quarters full. I used to put it off until it was nearly empty. Most of the time I worried I'd run out, and still I'd put it off another day or two. But feeling clever and positive and unstressed about it works every time.

I do feel like I should be able to do these things on time without attempting to outsmart myself, but then again, I am the girl who used to set her clock ahead fifteen minutes so she could feel like she was leaving for work later than she really was. Which apparently isn't that uncommon, since I know other people do it. And it gives me something to feel good about when I'm currently living such a boring life. God, cheerful about paying bills and getting gas. I need to get a life for real. But I'm laughing at myself now, so that's okay.

Anyone want to volunteer odd things they do to trick themselves into not procrastinating or something similar?


ikarit: (Default)

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